


Short for Benjamin

by BanneAncroft69



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (in the past), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, American Sign Language, Aphrodisiacs, Banter, Bathroom Sex, Bed Bath and Bodyworks, Bedroom Sex, Ben Solo has a Big Dick, Ben has a sister and her name is Kaydel, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Rey (Star Wars), Bisexuality, Catalysts, Chemistry, Child Abandonment, Closet Sex, Closeted Character, Conflict Resolution, Cooking, Crying, Dancing, Drinking, Emotional Sex, Everyone Is Gay, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, First Period, First time (since the pandemic ended), Flirting, Food, Gay Bar, God Supports Gay Rights Pass It On, Hand-washing, Happy Ending, Healing, Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, I Love You, Inspired by Music, Just Chef Things, Kissing, Kitchen Sex, Loneliness, Mention of sexual misconduct, Mild Mandalorian Crossover, New Year's Eve, Outing Myself, Post-Pandemic, Pregnancy Kink, References to Conversion Therapy, Rey is a teacher, Roman Catholicism, Size Difference, So Married, The Mandalorian (TV) Season 2, Touch-Starved, Understanding, and I mean everyone, and not the kind you find in the classroom, but hopefully in a romantic and joyful ?? way, but in a cute way, but not the oppressive kind, but overall i poured my heart and soul into this to make it actually positive, but we definitely already knew that, can you tell I haven't had sex since February 2020, delightful amounts of feta cheese, dick sucking, enter at your own risk, except not really oops, foot stuff, generally a very healthy and happy fic with lots of good communication and love, healthy masculinity, his heart's even bigger, if you're lactose intolerant we have oat milk, memoryfoam, mentioned wool allergy, oops ? pregnancy, ordering takeout, pussy eating, so much fluff just call me dryer filter, so much fluff just call me lint roller, the usual, this fic isn't good to Luke Skywalker so don't come here looking for wholesome blue milk content, this might trigger some pandemic loneliness Sad, this wasn't supposed to be canon but Rey is just very itchy, tonight we gonna party like it's 2022, unless you have a crush on your teacher, wholesome romantics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 65,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28138344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BanneAncroft69/pseuds/BanneAncroft69
Summary: “Well, my sister's unavailable, as far as I know. And blonde, like neither of my parents.”“Hm.” Rey leaned on the bar, far too invested in this conversation for her own good. “Do you have any blonde uncles?”Ben blanched under the purple and blue disco lights. “Fuck, I do.”She cringed apologetically. “Hope he’s not on your mom’s side.”
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 129
Kudos: 259





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the song "Let Me Move You" from that Netflix movie Work It which I actually kinda ironically liked don't @ me and I plan to have more chapters in this I just really need to manifest the positive future xoxo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an unusual meeting!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I'd previously written that Aubrey Plaza was half-Cuban, but I've corrected it because she is half-Puerto-Rican. I apologize to anyone who may have been offended by this - I don't know where I got the idea, and I should have checked my sources.

“I dare you to ask somebody to dance.”

Poe’s voice was a mosquito buzz amid the pounding of the main club floor. Rey slammed down her first shot of the night, one that she’d barely even been convinced to ingest. She stuck her tongue out and wagged it with a sour groan. “That’s awfully middle school of you to say.” She wiped her mouth and belched, the power of it wildly out of proportion with her size. 

“Don’t just start grinding that flat ass on randos in the crowd, I want you to find somebody on the sidelines. Connect with them. Somebody who looks like they hate dancing. They usually _love_ doing other things.”

Finn turned his body and attention to them in an exaggerated lean. “I’ve never met anyone who hated dancing that was also good in the sheets.”

“And I’ve met too many of the opposite. Let’s pray that Rey gets as lucky as we’ve been.”

Finn leaned in towards Rey. “You know we love you very much, and it is your birthday, but you cannot expect us to play wingmen all night. We’re both halfway gone anyway, and you did insist that you didn’t need our help.”

Rey sucked on her lemon slice just for fun. Maybe it helped to distract her nerves. “You are more than enough help by just existing and showing me what it’s like to love someone.”

“Yeah, you’re not drunk enough yet.” Finn.

“Au contraire, I think that statement actually just confirmed she is.” Poe.

“What if she meets someone who actually hates dancing?”

Poe reassured them both. “I hate to think that there’d be _anyone_ _here_ who hates dancing. There’s literally no point. That’s what straight bars are for.”

“Persuade them. You know, with your charm.”

Poe spat out a part of his drink. Rey smirked goofily, playing with the string choker around her neck, eyes darting throughout the room in search of someone who couldn’t possibly be as desperate as her friends made her out to be. “I don’t know. I don’t want to seem creepy. I’m safe from potential creepiness if I just sit here.”

Poe would have none of it. “Rey, you are not spending your twenty-whatever birthday third-wheeling with two gay whores when you could be getting a hot piece on that dance floor. Literally _anyone_ will dance with you, especially in those shorts.”

“I’m not third wheeling. That was the whole reason I invited everyone.”

But Jannah, Rose, Snap, and Beaumont had disappeared thirty minutes ago.

“And where are they?” Finn.

Rey slouched, her eyes suddenly interested in the sticky wooden polish of the table and the condensation around the base of the water pitcher. “Dancing.”

“Exactly.” 

She had dressed herself in a low cut crop top and high waisted shorts, and took great pride in the fact that it was a very twenty-seven-year-old move to not wear any distressed denim. The shorts were black corduroy with a brown leather belt, and if they didn’t make her ass look phenomenal, at least it _felt_ phenomenal.

And Rey so desperately needed to be felt. 

It had been about three years since her last relationship ended, just in time for the global pandemic, and both the act of breaking it off and the ongoing psychological and emotional stress drained her so deeply she became a recluse for several months even after restrictions were slowly lifting and the vaccines were made more accessible. She’d gotten a better job, but still somewhat missed her usual assortment of upsetting and problematic Tinder dates with men, soft butch lesbians visiting from Spain, and her hot competition in the bathroom at the local karaoke bar. The competition often had better tits than she did. But sometimes not. 

Her anxiety had spiked with her vacillating position living with immature roommates that caused her to spend most of her time at Finn and Poe’s. Her living situation shattered the balanced scales of her Libra ascending, and thus began her self-appointed sacrifice. Her emotional and people-pleasing Taurus moon was scarred for life, and the sex drive of her Sagittarius sun just wasn’t the same anymore.

Her best friends refused to let her stay with them permanently, knowing how risky shifting from friends to roommates could be, and they all agreed staying just friends was safer. Thankfully, her job was rewarding enough she could finally move, and now had a place of her own. It came fully equipped with her own washer and dryer, _and a queen sized bed._ She even installed a light above the kitchen sink herself. Nothing had made her prouder.

Now that she was settled in, Finn and Poe suggested it was time to re-open the gates, in less flattering terms. 

She couldn’t leave it at that. “So is that the _Frozen_ kind of ’open the gates’ or the low-budget _Cinderella Two_ kind of ‘open the gates’?”

Poe shook his head, the skin of his cheeks flapping gratuitously in his intoxication. “Nonononono, no flashbacks to babysitting please. You can go fuck yourselves,” he added in a friendly, Tony Stark sort of way. 

Finn furrowed his brow in thought. “I’d honestly completely forgotten there even was a Cinderella Two.”

“Is it worse that there’s also a Cinderella Three?” Rey winced. 

Poe warmed to the topic. “Okay, isn’t the second one about Anastasia suddenly being desirable and wearing those sexy chokers to get the attention of the guy in the village who makes bread?”

Finn warmed to being drunk. “Guys who make bread are where it’s AT.”

Poe leaned an elbow on the table. “I make bread.”

Finn already had his mouth on the edge of another glass, but his eyes gave Poe a lover’s unspoken promise. “I know,” he mumbled with a wink. 

“And the mouse turns into a human and there’s all this weird unresolved sexual tension?” Rey had always been passionate about nostalgia. “And all the food competes hard with wanting to eat those boulder eggs from Shrek. And there are _prunes?!”_

Her friends gave her loving looks. 

“I’m with you, but maybe don’t bring up unresolved sexual tension with mice when you’re flirting, hm?” Poe. 

“Or prunes.” Finn. 

“Anyway I think we can all agree the best _Cinderella_ has always been Brandy.” 

“Cheers to that,” Rey raised her second shot. 

“Goldberg and Garber set the bar of relationship standards unbelievably high,” Finn affirmed. “Never forget.”

The three of them clinked glasses and downed their doses of intoxicating remedies. 

Rey could feel the warmth spreading from her stomach to her core. “My god, if I don’t get laid tonight I might have to do as I’m told.”

She didn’t know when she’d gotten to her feet, but she could tell the angle of Poe and Finn’s gaze had changed.

“Do as you’re told?” Poe asked.

She grinned pleasantly. “Go fuck myself.”

Her friends just smiled and waved back. “Have fun storming the castle!”

She would’ve ignored their reference entirely as she turned to leave, but the gay bar seemed to bring out the gay in her. “I will ship Fezzik and Inigo until the end of time.”

“You never had it so good,” Finn replied in his best Billy Crystal.

“Is it bad I didn’t know Billy Crystal played Miracle Max until this year?” Poe asked once Rey was out of earshot and they watched her triple buns disappear as she made for the bar.

Finn took a pause before handing his partner another shot. “I don’t think you’re drunk enough yet.”

“I wholeheartedly agree.”

Rey wasn’t keen on drinking anymore, for she proudly owned the title of lightweight, and defended it with her life. She got to save money by either flirting with strangers or spitting biological facts about alcohol. And that was all she needed. 

It was a buzz that went straight to her loins, trickling down into her thighs and recycling into the peaks of her nipples for added effect. She enjoyed having options, and the flashing coloured lights of the local queer watering hole only contributed to her excitement. 

She didn’t have long to wonder when she might spot someone interesting enough to talk to, who wasn’t _desperate_ to talk to her. She liked the initiation, best when the other person was willing to take over halfway through the conversation. Rey was a switch by definition. And when she felt a particular draw, it was like a magnet. 

He was seated at the bar, nursing a shallow brown drink that she honestly couldn’t name by sight, but if she got close enough to smell it, that was another story. What it would be like to smell him.... 

Probably sweat and dried semen and axe body spray. 

But as she took her place next to him at the bar, trying very hard to inspect his side profile with her peripherals, she inhaled deeply. 

Cedar. Expensive, earthy cologne. Renpure conditioner in his hair. Everything he owned was probably from high quality small businesses or ethically sourced from Denmark or vintage from Canadian flea markets. Or all of the above. Breitling watch on his left wrist; he certainly could afford it all. His hair was polished and soft and wavy and dark and ready for her fingers. 

And then she could feel his eyes on her. She wondered if he could dance. If she ground her ass on him playfully would he know what to do? Where to put his hands? How to move his own body instead of just standing stiff in a sea of love-hungry touch-starved colourful dancing spirits?

“Just a shot glass of water, please,” she said when the bartender leaned toward her. They fulfilled her wish with a quizzical look, but when it was passed to her she downed it like the rest of her shots. She turned to the brooding man beside her. 

He finished his drink and met her eyes. _My god_ , she thought. If her core hadn’t already melted enough from his smell. The stitch of his eyebrows, the kind but disturbed layers within his pupils even in the half-darkness, it was all enough to undress her right there. And his _hands._ She tried not to look at his hands in fear that she wouldn’t be able to think about anything else. But she knew they were _huge._

“I could just keep looking at you, but I'm curious as to why your energy seems rather off for a place as happy as this."

“I fired someone today for sexual misconduct.”

“Yikes.” _Why do I find that hot?_ “What did they do?” _He's also a boss._

“They were sexually misconducted, and my superiors were adamant that we not let him go. So my sister thought I could use a drink. She’s here somewhere grinding on someone.”

“Oh, yeah, I just had my tongue in her mouth a few minutes ago.” 

His face was unreadable for a moment before she followed up, “I’m kidding. But if another minute went by it might’ve been true.”

“My opposition to that is from the thought of anyone getting it on with my sister, not the fact that it's gay. I’m sorry if my face said otherwise.”

“Well, you're minding your own business in a gay bar, so I call that a win-win. And I’m as fluid as that shot of water I just took.”

“Well she’s unavailable, as far as I know. And blonde, like neither of my parents.”

“Hm.” She leaned on the bar, far too invested in this conversation for her own good. “Do you have any blonde uncles?”

He blanched under the purple and blue disco lights. “Fuck, I do.”

Rey cringed apologetically. “Hope he’s not on your mom’s side.”

The broad-shouldered man covered his eyes, bringing his forehead to the bar and groaning.

Rey ordered him another drink and patted his arm thoughtfully. His muscles were firm and rippled, and she felt them contract lightly under her touch. 

“I’m Rey, I was abandoned as a baby, and I don’t have any siblings. If that’s any consolation.”

He lifted his head and she handed him the fresh drink, which she now recognized as rum and Coke. He looked up at her through the very low angle of their eye line, given that his seated position left him only about an inch lower than her where she stood. _God, he was going to be tall._

Whatever his face said, it was shockingly genuine. “You’re very kind, thank you, but you shouldn’t have.”

She couldn’t beat that. “I’m really not, you’re welcome, and I wanted to.”

"I hope that you're safe and that you have the support you need to heal your trauma."

She smiled. "Well. Uno reverse."

He put the drink down awkwardly and held out his hand. “Ben.”

“Lovely. Are you of any particular sexual persuasion?”

"I'm not...picky. The last five minutes with you have been the best part of my day, so I’d give you my number without asking if I wasn’t a gentleman.”

She flushed proudly, and overjoyed, north and south. “Likewise. But I suppose there is a gay bar protocol of dancing for at least three songs before numbers are exchanged. Or bodily fluids.”

“What?” He leaned closer in an attempt to hear.

“Bodily fluids. You know, the fun stuff that comes out of us - "

"And I hope that is exactly where that sentence stops."

Rey smiled down at him. “Would you like to dance?”

It was now that he took a final courteous sip and stood up. "Fine, but if my sister finds me dancing by myself I'll never hear the end of it."

Other parts of her insides melted this time, closer to her heart. She tried to cover up the tell-tale swallow in her throat at the sight of him. He had at least a foot on her. That song from that wonderfully shitty dance movie that came out during the pandemic was starting to play. Only at Playhouse. She and all of her friends had all been vaccinated over a year ago, but she still hadn’t quite gotten used to being touched. “I should warn you I haven’t had anyones hands on me in a very long time.”

He took a breath, hands now in his pockets. “Yeah, neither have I.”

The look exchanged between them was poignant and almost uncomfortably deep, but shrouded with a heavy desire and aching human need for something more than coping and survival.

_Liberation._

Not another word was spoken as she watched him watching her, and he began wandering slowly backwards in the direction of the glowing, pounding dance floor. He kept his eyes on her casually, hands still in his pockets, until he gestured with his head for her to join him. 

Her heart begged to escape by any means possible, and it lurched her forward, desperate to get her body against him. The way his plaid button-up shirt hugged him in all kinds of places she hadn’t thought about in so long, and how it was French-tucked into the jeans that just seemed to fit him _so well._ His shoes were sharp but casual, and she thanked Tan France for _everything_ that Ben had chosen to wear. She could only hope Ben was admiring her, too.

Some kind of lightning struck them both when he reached out his hand for her to take, and they connected at last. His skin was warm, soft, and dry. He squeezed her fingers lightly after a moment, sending a friendly shock to her heart, and led her into the crowd. 

It took mental power to not be swayed by the bodies in such close proximity, trusting that the world was safe again, even just for the night. Earlier she wondered when it would feel manageable again, but as she followed this tall dark stranger into the core of it all she had never trusted herself more. 

The song changed to Charlie Puth and Kehlani’s “Done For Me”, a colourful bisexual anthem, and it suited whatever was happening here.

Ben had stopped moving and sort of awkwardly looked down at his hands as if to say, _I really don’t know where to put these._ Rey guided them down onto her hips and encouraged him to pull her closer. She felt the buckle of his belt pressed against her abs. For most of the song they navigated each other shyly, trying to tune out the uncertainty of those around them. 

There was a playful interlude where they were thrown back into Kriss Kross’ “Jump” and the entire club exploded, and Rey got to see Ben smile. The music and shouting was so loud they couldn’t hear a single sound from each other, but they didn’t need to under the holy blue and purple lights. 

“On My Phone” by Jack Miz brought a playfulness to the two of them, a lighthearted joy that lifted most of the anxiety of being again at the mercy of human touch, followed by Katy Perry’s “Chained to the Rhythm”, until Sam Sparro’s “Black and Gold” faded through and she could feel something burning deep inside of him, reflected only by what she’d been detecting within herself. When the refrain finally kicked in he gave her one look of warning before hoisting her into his arms. Her slender legs wrapped tightly around him, arms at his neck. 

His eyes purely sparkled. He kept looking at her lips. Not another moment could go by where he didn’t know how badly she wanted to kiss him. 

She felt something vibrate deep when their lips collided together and she finally got her fingers all the way in his silky hair. 

_My god, his mouth._ He tasted like his warm classy alcohol and the cold aftertaste of gum.

Ben felt hot tears instantly in his eyes as she kissed him with the sweetest, tenderest tongue, and any ounce of the concern from years before floated away. 

His hands gripped the corduroy covering her ass, supporting her freely as they revelled in the feeling of another person’s body, safe and so heavenly close to them. 

From the bar, where Poe and Finn now stood on a hydration break, Finn pointed out.

“Oi, sexy triple buns, middle of the dance floor.”

Poe squinted, blind as a bat. “Shit, there she is. Did she grow?”

“My man, I think she’s with someone.”

“Whomst? Where are my glasses?”

“Didn’t bring them. Did your contacts come out?”

“Sure, they came out when I did.”

“It looks like a very tall, broad-shouldered lumberjack lesbian.”

“That’s not her type. Her type is Aubrey Plaza.”

"Bold of us to assume Aubrey Plaza isn't a broad-shouldered lumberjack lesbian."

"Oh my G-d, write that down. I'm writing that fanfic tomorrow. You know she's half Puerto-Rican, right?"

"You told me half an hour ago she was Cuban."

"I was wrong."

"Glad you checked."

"She'll fall in love with Zoe Kravitz, and Natasha Lyonne will be involved somehow," he added, already mapping the story out in his head.

"I love you," Finn said.

  
  
  


Rey tried her best to gesture _do you wanna get out of here now?_ And naturally it didn’t take much for Ben to understand.

They headed to her booth to grab her coat and stopped by the bar when she spotted her friends, who smiled and waved at her enthusiastically.

“Hello loves. Having any fun?”

“Hi Rey,” Poe said, water only making him drunker. “My contacts came out.”

“Good for them!” She replied with a genuine congratulatory look. 

Ben giggled beside her as he put his suit jacket on, catching the attention of the couple. 

“I’m sorry, we haven’t met,” Finn held out a hand with an excited smile. “Finn. This is my sickness and health, Poe.”

Ben exchanged greetings with them both. “Ben. You look sensational together.”

“I’m sickness, he’s health,” Poe said, waterlogged. “We’re not interested in a threesome.”

Rey explained, “Ben’s not picky.”

“Brilliant.” Finn.

“I love that for you.” Poe hiccupped.

“Bi?” Finn again.

Rey smirked and hugged them both. “Bye.” 

“Text, please.”

“Always.”

As they said goodnight, Ben leaned closer to Rey. “I have to call my sister outside. Do you want to wait or come with?”

She just nodded and reached for his arm. It was a warmer December night, so her bare legs could tolerate it. The back door banged open and he held it open for her, phone up to his ear.

“Hi your worship, I’m leaving,” he practically shouted, drawing some attention from pedestrians. Rey was instantly captivated by his relationship with whomever was on the other end. “Are you safe?”

She kicked some pebbles on the sidewalk and tried to imagine what his sister could be doing. What kind of person she was.

“Listen deli-meat, I love you for bringing me out tonight, but I have - ” he met Rey’s eyes and she looked away with a dimpled blush. “No, I’m not alone, I promise. Don’t believe me? That’s your choice, but I've told you the truth, young one. I’ll come see you tomorrow. Don't forget to eat. Okay, bye.” He hung up and checked in with Rey. “Are you cold? Are you okay?”

She was wearing a hooded parka that stopped at her thighs, and the way she imagined herself to look with her bare legs was enough to make them both laugh. “I’m great. I could do a naked mile if I had another shot of water.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

Ben called an Uber, but he kept his eyes on her the entire time. She couldn't quite tell what was behind it: her coat, her legs, her joke, the promise of her enjoyment….she feared looking away in case she missed him discreetly checking out some other part of her body than just her _eyes._ She needed that, but so much more. “You sure your sister’s alright? Is she with someone?”

“Oh, yeah, she’s with her girlfriend, and neither of them drink, they just love dancing. I neglected to mention any of that. Your friends were a couple, too, right?”

“Yeah. Friends to lovers.” Fondly, she smiled. “What are your pronouns?"

He seemed sort of taken aback by the question. "Me? Oh. Just 'he' I guess. No one's ever asked me that directly before." He cleared his throat. "You?"

"'She'. What do two third-wheels make?”

His response was fast for a joke she’d just made up. “A really sad bicycle.”

She blinked up at him in the yellow hue of the streetlight and found him peering right back. “So would that just be a re-cycle?”

Ben took a good long look at her. “I think we’re gonna get along just fine on two wheels,” he said.

“I’m interested. Your place?” Rey suggested. 

“Deal.”


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> come get your smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might get emotional.

The ride there was agonizing in its peacefulness as Rey figured out how far uptown Ben lived and how long it would be before she could touch him like _that_ again, and how nice it was to be in a quiet car with such an intriguing person. She’d had so much stillness in isolation, and now she’d had a taste of adrenaline and she couldn’t let it go.

He held the door open for her curbside, and together they got into the elevator in the lavishly decorated building. The Christmas season was dawning, though there had been no snow yet, so the romance and magic Rey enjoyed from the holiday had yet to set in.

As they made it to the top floor, Ben said, “I know it’s a little late, but I got the vaccine last year. Just in case there was any lingering worry about that. I know it’s been a while for both of us.”

She was thankful for that blink of reality. “So did I. I know you have no reason to trust me on that because it sounds super sketchy, but I work in an elementary school and volunteer at a long-term care home on weekends, so it was required. I think I actually have proof in my purse-” As she rummaged for her wallet, he put a hand out to stop her. 

“If you trust me, I trust you.”

He started down the hall to his apartment door, whistling and swinging his keys cheerfully, which put a more permanent smile on her face.

Once inside, where she tried not to verbalize her interest in how _clean_ and void of clutter the place was, he took her coat and offered her food while he washed his hands.

“Could I help myself to some water, actually?”

“So you can do a naked mile? Absolutely. There’s a filter in the fridge if you’re not a fan of tap water. And wash your hands, sticky.”

_Of course there’s a filter in the fridge._ She wasn’t sure her chills were from the cold or from the excitement of how nice his _mattress_ was going to feel as he fucked her shape into the memory foam where it would stay for weeks to come. 

“Are you hungry?” She asked before cleaning her (in fact, sticky) hands and downing her glass of ice cold water to sober herself up. She wanted to remember this. 

He popped his head into the kitchen. “Not yet.”

“Great. Sex first, then?”

“Get over here.”

She put her glass down and charged for him but he dodged her at the last second and started a tipsy game of tag in his apartment. 

His laugh was young and full of mischief, but full and rich with the depths of a lonely man with a loving heart. Rey shrieked as he circled back around and picked her up bridal-style.

“Where to?”

“Bedroom.”

“Amen.”

He carried her to the door, but stopped with exaggeration, animatedly trying to figure out ways he could fit the two of them through it. He continued on straight-faced until Rey was in side-splitting giggles and he could hear her wheezing.

He finally got her through and tossed her on the (definitely memory foam but firm) bed. 

“I’ve been having a lot of fun with you tonight,” Rey said once she caught her breath, adjusting herself on the woolen blanket.

“Oh, good. One of us has to.” He had a charismatically crooked smile that showed his sharp canine teeth that were slightly off balance with the others. Rey adored them. It was now that Ben took off his shoes. “All jokes aside, me too. Would you like me to take this blanket off?”

Rey knew it would get itchy. “If you don’t mind. I’m allergic to sheep.”

Ben’s eyes flared before practically shoving her off the bed and tossing the blanket across the room.

“I’m kidding, I’m so sorry,” she followed up. “Bad joke.”

He scoffed with relief, his hand meeting his hair and looking around for anything else that might have been harmful to someone even falsely allergic to wool. He turned on the lamps by the bedside and the - _fairy lights-_ around the wall-sized penthouse window. 

“So,” Rey said, at which he turned around. “Is Ben short for Benjamin?”

He turned to open the rest of the dark curtain, revealing the span of the city’s glow. “Ask me something else.”

Rey didn’t have to search too far in her thoughts for another question. “Can I kiss you again?”

The sexual tension grew taut with those five words and the thundering heartbeats raced at the mere thought of getting to do it _again._

“Yes please.” He met her in the middle and this time sat down on the edge of the bed, allowing her to stand between his massive thighs. They kissed more feverishly this time, but with the splendor of a new angle and the silence of the apartment.

With his hands sliding over the curve of her waist and up to her neck where he held her like words could tear them apart, Rey let out a soft, moaning exhale, to which Ben responded with a tightening grip, and she lifted her knees to straddle him where he sat. She could tell every alarm in his body went off, as she could feel them in her own, but nothing could beat the feeling of the hot, pressing firmness in his jeans against the apex of her legs.

She hadn’t felt a real one in _ages._ And she’d _never_ felt one so big. She pulled back for a moment after registering his size and unconsciously grinding against it to elicit a delightful groan from his chest. Her teeth were met with his kiss as she smiled and whispered, her fists full of his hair. “You are going to tear me apart.”

Ben just flashed his beautiful, precious grin. “I can’t even anticipate what you’re gonna do to me.”

Rey sighed as she sucked sweet, hungry kisses behind his ear, down over his neck and felt his nails asking for permission to get under the straps of her tank top. His tongue worked its way down across the slope of her shoulder and she breathed, “Yes…” before helping him bring down the wiry straps. In response, she worked at the buttons of his shirt and he was even hungrier to help with that. 

Once he was out of his undershirt, as well, and she had every inch of his radiating, smooth skin to explore with her fingers. Every part of him was just...big. His thumbs were beneath her ribcage, just shy of her breasts as he began, “Can I - ”

But Rey nodded desperately. “Yes, yes, you can. You asking me is so fucking hot but yes you have my permission to do that.”

His giant palm covered nearly her entire chest and her nipples hardened instantly when he touched her. She couldn’t wait another moment, taking off the shirt entirely and letting him have her. 

“Oh, I love these,” he said candidly. “I love them so much.”

Rey had no words, even less so when he looked up at her for a moment before caressing them with his tongue and with a heartbreaking focus in his brow. He sucked the spot between her breasts, the inside of her wrists, raked his nails down her back and tucked her loose strands of hair out of her eyes.

Rey was on the verge of tears. Ben felt it. “If you want to stop at any point, just say so, and we will. Okay?”

His ‘okay’ was firm and clear.

“Okay.” So was hers. 

“Is there anything that’s off-limits that you want me to know about?”

She was going to marry him if he wasn’t careful. “My inner thighs and hips are extremely ticklish, and not in the fun way. I might kick you involuntarily. You don’t have to avoid them, just the more firm you are the better. It’s the light touches that really freak me out. But everywhere else is fine.”

“Is there anything that’s _not_ off-limits that you really like?”

“You, asking me these questions. But what about you, what should I know about your ridiculously beautiful body?”

Ben traced lazy kisses down the inner slope of her neck and she felt his voice vibrate inside the naked earth of her skin. “I love your hands in my hair, on my back, my ass, just you grabbing me. I like anything behind my ears or my neck. My armpits are ticklish, of course, and in the fun way, but maybe stay out of there. My nipples don’t mind getting a little attention, either, so they’re weird that way.”

“Understood.” Her thumbs instinctively brushed over his nipples and she felt goosebumps race across his chest as he held her closer. 

“Can I ask you something else?” He inquired.

“Anything.” 

“As a queer person, do you have any particular feelings about hook-ups?”

“I’m not interested in pegging you if you don’t want to be pegged. Or fingered, if that’s what you’re asking. And I’m only interested in threesomes if everyone is gay.” Her dimples appeared.

“That wasn’t what I was asking, but thank you,” he said earnestly, “for that information. You can trust me to say what I mean.”

She kissed him. “I believe you. And so far my experience with you has been better than most partners I’ve had, any gender. I love how clear you are. And incredibly thoughtful.”

Ben smiled, flashing his wolf teeth sheepishly in a heart-wrenching, oxymoronic way. He shifted Rey in his lap. “Well, ditto. I just really don’t want you to have another disappointing male sex experience, as I imagine you’ve probably had. I want to do everything I can to avoid that.”

“That’s going to take a few minutes to process, so thank you.” Rey timidly hesitated. “And I really don’t mean to postpone the sex thing but I just have so many questions now that the floor is open.”

_He was still hard. His shirt was still off. Her breasts were still peaked against him._ She thought quickly about how long they could wait. But Ben said, “I’m enjoying it, too. Please, ask away.”

“Okay, well I guess for now there’s just one thing.”

“Mhm?” His eyes searched every inch of her features, taking her in with a tenderness that nearly rendered her speechless, but on she forged in the name of their mutual sanity.

“I know this is something neither of us are used to yet, and I know it will be special no matter what because of that, but I want you to know I like it sort of rough.”

Ben didn’t seem swayed. “Like hair pulling, choking, spanking, sort of rough….?”

“Yes, but in moderation. I love the sweet stuff too.”

“Done. Your move.”

“Oh, I think I’ll kiss you feverishly.”

But on the contrary, it was he that kissed her first.

Their tongues devoured one another as they fell into a rhythm, her lips taking the top and his taking the bottom - a concept they agreed must be discussed beforehand. His muscles rippling beneath her fingers, he effortlessly flipped her onto her back, and her head moulded nicely with the thick pillow at the forefront of the whole affair.

“Lord, how do you breathe with these things on?” Ben asked as he hurriedly but carefully loosened the belt from high around Rey’s waist and worked the tight corduroy shorts down over her wider hips. 

“Bold of you to assume I breathe at all with these things on.” She still felt shyness being mostly naked in front of a stranger, after having been the only one to see herself naked for nearly three years, but something in him was coaxing her hands away from covering her breasts and embracing the lively blood that pulsed through her body before him.

“Is it worth it?” He tossed the shorts to the floor and ran his hands slowly over the outside of her legs.

“What?” Her heartbeat was already racing. 

“Dressing so uncomfortably.” His fingers reached her underwear, and intentionally moved right past them. 

“Well, it got your attention, didn’t it?”

“Nah, I wasn’t looking at your shorts or the size of your waist.” For a moment she was prepared for a softer moment, but Ben followed up with, “I was obviously looking at your child-bearing hips, and your feet, too.”

“Oh, perfect. That’s my kink.”

“Feet?” But he didn’t even flinch.

“I have a bit of a pregnancy kink.”

Ben shrugged. “Me too.”

“You fantasize about getting pregnant too?”

“No, I’m into feet.” 

If his face translated sarcasm, she detected correctly. “So you _are_ interested in fetal conception.”

“No, I’m interested in feet-al conception.”

“Okay, I can take hints, but can I take your pants off, first?”

Together they eagerly got him out of his jeans. “So about that - ” he added as he stepped out of them.

“I’m on the pill, and I’m clean. I’m great without a condom and I’m even greater with kids. You?”

“Brilliant. I’m clean and I’m in.”

“Are you real?”

“Pinch me.”

She did.

“Ow.”

“You said to pinch you.”

“I thought maybe you’d go for the arm or something, not straight for the nipple.” 

“I wanted to see if you liked it rough, too.”

“You could’ve just asked.”

“You’re right, I could’ve,” she reasoned. “So are you?”

He rubbed the spot almost lovingly now, as she read his eyes and every subtle line in his face.

Ben responded, “In moderation.”

His grey Saxx underwear was enough to make her mouth water - the way it gripped around his tree-trunk thighs that tapered down into strong calves, the way it supported _everything_ it was supposed to and did it flawlessly. 

“Come here.” She beckoned for him with her finger as she lay back down on his silvery duvet, and he crawled over her, sealing her with an open-mouthed kiss at the feeling of her hand on his lower back, and the other at his cheek. 

“Fuck, it just feels so good to touch you,” he sighed, as she let his words fall into her mouth without a second thought.

“And not worry about anything. Think about anything.”

His length suddenly rubbed against the outside of her underwear and she shivered in a gentle gasp, which was met with a chill of his own that spread down the slope of his broad back under her fingertips. 

“Stay right here,” he warned, his lips doting upon her neck.

Rey sat up on her elbows, concerned. “Where are you going?”

Without much further ado, he calmly crawled back down over her lithe, shuddering body planting focused kisses on the way. He glanced up at her and said, “Down on you.”

“Oh.”

Rey could only be embarrassed for so long. His fingers laced strategically under the band of her favourite thong and she lifted her hips to accommodate for their removal, although her heartbeat was running at a rate she couldn’t count. 

The next few moments didn’t happen much slower, either. Her underwear was flung across the room and he hungrily brought his mouth down on her hot, throbbing core. 

“Ben!” She could resist anything that flew out of her mouth, least of all his heavenly name.

His tongue slipped firmly through her folds, from just shy of her clit down and deep into her opening, where his meeting with her hot spring elicited a bass-level moan from his chest that she felt in her bones. “I love the way you taste. The way you smell. It’s addicting.”

Rey could only cry out in obscene pleasure as the muscle of his tongue vibrated against her entrance and he closed his mouth fully around her core. She was thankful she had showered vigourously before leaving the house tonight.

His monstrously large hands swelled in contraction around her thighs, which affectionately closed in on his shoulders and she knowingly reached down to stretch her fingers through his hair. 

She felt him shudder, a surge of energy pulsing through him, and she shortly realized he was literally _feasting_ on her. No one eating her out had ever seemed to enjoy it as much as she did, or found it as rewarding. Her back arched, mind going blank, entirely no thoughts, head empty, just Ben’s miraculous mouth and brow as focused as it could get, every ounce of his attention on her. Two complete strangers, curled into each other after too many moons of empty, confined, and desolate spiraling through a resting universe.

On any other night, with any other person, she might’ve said, _fuck, that feels so fucking good, I’m so close_ , which was suddenly very clearly projected at the front of her mind, but she found that she could not speak. Ben seemed to read loud and clear that mental projection, and that exact sudden deficit. She fumbled for his hand and squeezed it as her breathing halted and his pattern increased in speed and intensity, and Rey swore she could feel that fucker _smile_ between her quivering legs _._

Whatever it was, he deserved it. Her walls clenched and she recognized he didn’t even have a finger inside of her; his tongue circling her clit widely like a hawk seemed to do the job just fine. He squeezed her right back as her hips lifted, chest inflating, and fingers firmly yanking on his hair and she screamed. With or without sound, she couldn’t tell. 

Ben bore down on her entrance through the waves, letting up only when her grip loosened and her breathing resumed. Only then did he resurface, pleased as he could possibly be, meeting her eyes so devilishly as he sucked her clean and wiped his face on her thigh. He moved forward, his hips now nearly aligned with hers, and she could only stare at him wordlessly, gasping for air.

“I know you can’t really speak, so blink twice if you came,” he said quietly, thoughtfully.

She batted her eyelashes not twice, but several times until she thought she might seize. 

Ben adjusted himself on top of her, smoothing back his hair. “I don’t know if that’s healthy.”

“Right,” she exhaled, sort of crazed, hair already a mess. “Let me - ” she reached down excitedly in hopes to wake up his tantalizing erection again, but was pleasantly startled to find him as rock hard as he’d been when they started. “You’re still hard?”

“I just listened to a breathtaking woman come apart at the humble hands of my tongue, is that not supposed to turn me on?”

Rey swallowed, repositioning her head against the pillows, searching for a reasonable answer. “I guess - Yeah, I guess it just doesn’t happen very often for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Rey took his face in her hands. “I think you’re spectacular.”

Something flashed in Ben’s eyes, like headlights through the pouring rain on a pitch black night, before his kiss enveloped her like the sense of coming home into warm, soft firelight. 

Rey opened her legs further, slipping her thumbs beneath the waistband of his underwear and taking it with her hands as they smoothed over his ass _._ His _ass._

“My move?” She whispered just shy of his lips.

“Your move.”

Without removing himself too far from her embrace, they only sort of awkwardly got him out of his shorts. Rey intentionally closed her eyes as she braced herself for what she’d encountered through the layers of his jeans.

“It’s a little late to be shy,” he said goofily as he knelt before her, scratching his nails firmly down the inside of her thighs and his fingers across her torso, stopping at her breasts. 

Rey sighed into his touch, revelling in his ability to surpass her ticklish impulses. “I don’t want to see it yet, I want to feel it. Feel you.”

Ben smiled, nuzzling his nose against hers, but said nothing. The moment needed quiet now. 

It was two strangers hooking up, certainly, and therefore the level of special was entirely relative. But this had quickly become a release from a deep-cutting internal isolation, a sacred bond of two hearts understanding one another, and a promise of joyful safety from the moment they met. 

Rey opened her eyes to watch him, each seeing the other reflected in their boundless pools of glimmering darkness, as together they worked his inches inside of her. 

Tears slipped out of her eyes unnoticed, with no prior warning, and Ben kissed her cheekbone as he felt her further relax with him inside of her. 

He slowed to a stop and noticed her shallow breathing. “Are you okay?”

“Ben, I’ve never been better. That was just huge.”

He paused for effect before bottoming out a few inches further, feeling her stretch and contract when she let out a sort of giggle. “Oh, fuck you,” she added as he laughed against the warmth of her shoulder.

“Don’t let it go to my head.” He kissed her neck, sucking at the sweetest spot behind her ear and just under her jawline as he reared back before gently thrusting into her again. 

“Oh my….” Rey said as her entire body seemed to breathe with each of his movements, surrounded by the kind of pleasure she’d only dreamed about for far too long. 

Ben’s jaw clenched as he felt how tight she was around him, how small the rest of her was, how, in the most affectionate way possible, he really did seem to be tearing her apart.

“Fuck, Rey, you feel...”

She leaned in to the silence for a few moments before she recovered the statement. “I know.”

Ben struggled to get words out. “Is this...position okay?”

One of her hands involuntarily reached to grip the pillow. “I want to have you in every way possible.”

Together they rolled over, Ben reaching out for her once he’d landed on his back, easing her onto his cock and worshipping her as she moaned for him. 

“I don’t think I can last long,” she said, embarrassed. “You just feel so good.”

“Neither can I,” he replied, guiding her hips as they rolled against him in a growing rhythm. 

She let out a sharp gasp. “Wait, I think you just hit something.”

He stopped. “What? Did it hurt?”

“No, it was wild. Is this position okay for you? How do you want to come?” She asked, fingers splayed across his chest.

“Which question do you want me to answer first?”

She blushed with a gentle laugh. “Sorry. First one.”

“I can see you better this way. You’re a masterpiece.”

Her inner walls tightened at the praise, her eyes hooded in pleasure as he met her action with a subtle rumbling in his chest.

“You look like royalty from up here.” She stroked a finger down the middle of his chest and his hips jerked lightly. “Second question?”

He paused. "What was the second question?"

"How do you want to _come_." 

The word was narrated by her glimmering angel eyes, the hot feeling of her hands on his faintly defined abs, and most delightfully, the slow, thick drag of her pussy against his cock.

Ben's eyes fluttered shut with an involuntarily whimper, hands ravenous on her ravishing body. His hips jerked in response and hardened even impossibly further at the sound of her primal whine.

“Just like this,” he said, hands at the genesis of her thighs. “With you right here.” Two of his fingers disappeared into his mouth before he slid them on either side of her clit, building up fiery momentum and watching her face as it contorted in heartbreaking eroticism. “Are you gonna show me, Rey? Show me how hard you want to come?”

She writhed steadily on his thick length, his hips pumping into her as she choked out, “Yes, oh my g-d, Ben, give it to me, please!”

“That’s it, yes, take it. You’re so fucking tight,” he gritted out as the skin of her thighs turned white beneath his fingertips.

“Right there, holy shit….”

He could feel it raw against his cock, the ribbed patch of her inner flesh that seemed to elicit just that much more of an intense reaction from her. He could see it building in her muscles, the tension increasing as she clung to his hands where they clung to her. 

“Ride me, baby, just like that.”

Her earlier desires had not gotten lost on him after she’d so devotedly pulled his hair until his scalp was raw and teased his nipples enough for him to remember it for years to come. His hands shifted from her thighs to her ass as it bounced on his dick.

“Hey, open your eyes. Look at me,” he said, and as she quickly obliged, she was met with the firm _clap_ of his hand against her rear. Her jaw went slack and her brow knit in a throbbing eruption of arousal and his words kept her high in the clouds. “Tell me how you’ve behaved so I’ll know if I have to punish you or not.”

He felt a stray tear land on his chest and he searched her face for any sign of discomfort, but could only find what was deep within himself: the overpowering embrace of human contact, as close as they could get.

“I’ve been so lonely, and I touch myself when it should be you touching me. Fucking me. Holding me.”

His hand snaked up her chest and she guided it the rest of the way around her throat before she leaned down on all fours, wishing not to be apart from his warmth for another moment. She whined under his grip as he quickly targeted that same spot inside her, pistoning his hips as they exchanged outbursts of a shared goal with the sounds that escaped their lips. 

“Ben, I’m so close, I - ”

“Oh my g-d, Rey, I’m gonna come inside you.” Ben’s eyes ached as he met hers, and their foreheads came together with their unexpected tears. “Come for me first,” he said, half holding his breath.

“Fuck me, fuck me, harder, come with me, Ben,” she cried out softly this time, her vision going blurry when they were held tightly in one another’s arms, Ben letting out a strained groan that melted her insides, as he thrusted firmly into her, filling her completely with his cum.

Their ears rang, echoing within the shells of each other’s rattling chests, as their heartbeats took their time to normalize. But their grip on one another remained as tight as it had been at the climax, two warm, lonely bodies shuddering in their star-crossed connection as they embraced in fear of having to let go, and in silvery, glowing silence, burst into gut-wrenching tears of relief. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More soon! Than you for reading and COMMENTING!! Your comments literally make my day <3


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bed, Bath, and Foot Stuff, I guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter but so much more to come! I've fallen in love with so many AU fics of these babes but I've wanted to see this dynamic for so long. I'm in love with them.

The room was blotchy through their heavy eyes as they surfaced from each other’s embrace, heads lifting off of slippery shoulders and smearing tears across cheekbones. 

They kissed sloppily, shakily, adding hands to confirm they were real, letting the sound of their catching breaths consume them. Rey collapsed onto her side, turning Ben with her, taking the time to come down to earth. 

She combed her fingers through his damp hair and he kissed the palm of her hand firmly, his eyes closing in almost reverence.

“Are you okay?” She asked, still breathless.

Ben half-laughed, “Yeah. Are you?”

“I’m so okay. Are you hungry?”

“I am now.”

Rey insisted she pay for it, given that he’d offered the apartment and some very cold filtered ice water, after a nearly five-minute endeavour where Ben seemed to refuse letting her pay. 

“I appreciate your gentlemanly ideals, very much so, but I have a paying job and allow myself to indulge. I promise you can pay next time.”

Ben would’ve been perhaps a little more strategically convinced if she wasn’t sitting on his toilet wearing _his_ bathrobe while she made her sound argument. 

“Next time?” He said, smiling from where he leaned at the bathroom counter. 

Rey admired him standing there in pajama bottoms as she urinated for what seemed like as long as she’d gone celibate. “Well, yes, if that’s something that interests you.”

“I’m interested.”

A small smile crept up on Rey, still reeling from their earlier explosion of emotion and sensation, as she realized how suddenly hopeful she felt. _Don’t get ahead of yourself. But it’s okay to feel a little excited._ “Great,” she said, although she couldn’t ignore her hesitation based on her years of not trusting people to be honest.

“So you’re ordering; what are we eating?” Ben asked cheerily, turning towards the mirror to inspect what must’ve been very well-hidden pimples on his handsome asymmetrical face. She admired his beauty marks, for she could see them far better. 

“Pizza? Wings? Lava cakes?

“Great. I’ll make a salad.”

“What, are we having a posh little potluck?” 

“You’re not going into cardiac arrest on my watch, thanks.”

When Rey had _finally_ finished peeing, she tucked his massive robe further around herself and headed for the sink. He scooted over to make room for her, and when she glanced up in the mirror she noticed how _absurdly_ tall he was.

“Are you absurdly tall or am I just absurdly short? Which do you hear more?”

“Which question….” Ben uttered casually, picking at his teeth.

Rey smiled. “First.”

In a sort of gallumphing motion, he swept himself up onto the counter, so that now his broad, bare back seemed to take up most of the mirror. “I think we’re both just above and below average, except you’re not actually as short as you think you are. I don’t know, I guess I hear more about me being tall.”

She dried her hands on the bathroom towel. “Do you mind at all?”

“Being tall?”

“Me asking you about it. You got sort of quiet.”

Ben glanced down at his hands, making a sort of animalistic noise of uncertainty as he came to terms with his answer. “Mostly, I guess, I don’t mind talking to you about it. I’m just used to all the connotations that usually come with that conversation. I’ve been compared to that big friendly giant in _Big Fish_ countless times. For my ears, too.”

Rey positioned herself between his thighs, brushing his hair gently back and studied what was beneath it. “You’ve got fascinating ears. I like them.”

He nuzzled his face sort of aggressively into the palm of her hand and she laughed, kissing him eagerly before asking, “Do you like baths?”

Ben nodded, eyes further lighting up at her insinuation.

________

  
  


Even his bathtub was big. She still hadn’t asked him of what, specifically, he was the boss, but she figured it would come up naturally.

“I like it obscenely hot,” Ben warned as he began filling it. “Therefore I can only stay in for so long.”

“Perfect.” Rey bounced on her toes, half-focused on ordering their midnight dinner on her phone and thinking about ripping off the soft drapery bathrobe to get into the tub. “That should give us just enough time. Food will be here in thirty minutes.”

She followed Ben from the master bathroom, through the bedroom, into the kitchen, where he quite seriously began organizing a salad.

“Can I help with that?” She asked.

Ben looked at her, flashing his crooked smile. “I don’t need help, but if you want to, sure.”

Rey could only grin, suddenly fondly. He let her cut the mesmerizing fresh feta cheese and add the raisins and the almond pieces and the cucumber and apple, adding it to a bowl of what had to be the most healthy looking salad.

“Do you always eat this well?”

“Well, yeah. My mom and I used to make things together when I was a kid. She taught me pretty much everything I know. She’d always have really detailed recipes and going to the store was a whole ordeal. But it was fun.”

Rey snuck a piece of apple in her mouth and Ben (safely) pointed his pearing knife at her. “I saw that.”

For some reason, putting her hands behind her back was the instinct. “No, you didn’t.”

He paused with a squint before resuming his chopping. “I guess that checks out.”

Rey jolted from her position. “Bath.” She quickly padded back into the bathroom to check the level and temperature of the water, which were both nearly perfect.

Ben joined her moments later. “Salad stuff’s in the fridge.”

“Is this too hot for you?” She asked.

He tested it, splashing her lightly in the process. “Good for me.”

For a moment they were at a stand-off on either ends of the tub, Rey trying to decide the logistics. “I think you should get in first, so we know how much overflow the compensate for.”

Ben agreed with a confirming nod. “Also if it’s too bright in here for you, that can be changed,” he added, removing his bottoms.

Rey’s eyes widened. “Oh can I do it?”

The brooding bathtub man gestured back towards the door with a pleased expression, gingerly venturing into the steaming hot water in the seven-foot long tub. The tap was on the side, so they could easily each take one end. Ben watched Rey fiddle with the dimmer, looking like Katharine Hepburn in _Little Women_ when she thinks her sister is going to decline a marriage proposal. He could’ve watched her all night, if he didn’t want her in the tub with him even more. 

She finally decided on the right mood, and quickly started undoing the ties of the robe. Once she was naked, he helped her over the side and they found a comfortable position at each other’s feet. 

“Speaking of feet,” Rey said, taking one of Ben’s in her hand, “How do you really feel?”

“I keep my toes in impeccable shape for more than one reason.”

He wasn’t lying; his toenails were finely shaped and smoothly trimmed, simply clean as they could be and wiggling in her face.

“So if I were to….” Rey brought his smaller toes to her mouth and slowly ran them over her damp lips before softly teasing one of them with her tongue. 

Ben covered his eyes with one hand before evidently peaking through two of his fingers.

“Well, when you’re good at it, I can’t really say ‘no’.”

“Don’t let your sexually misconducted employees hear that.”

He cracked a laugh. “What makes you think there’s more than one?”

Rey paused to answer on her way to suck another toe. “There’s always more than one.”

“Well, I don’t want to say ‘no’, because I like it. I just never actually tried it before.”

“You just like the way feet look?”

“Yeah, I’m not interested in foot jobs or anything, they frankly sound even more exhausting than hand jobs, I just love a good foot.”

Rey ran her tongue from his heel to the ball of his size whatever feet, and enjoyed the bursting boyishness in his cheeks which he tried to cover with one size whatever hand. 

Just as he reached for one of her tiny, high-arched, and stinky feet, she abruptly stopped him before he could trigger any ticklish instincts. “Unless you want this bathwater all over your tile floor, and a wriggling human-sized fish in your bath, you’d better not.”

Suppressing a laugh, he promptly dropped her foot back into the tub. 

The phone call arrived to alert them of their food delivery, and the two of them carefully dripped to the door to receive it. 

They watched _Queer Eye_ as they ate their feast in total silence on Ben’s bed, wrapped in robes and towels and the breath of fresh, warm peace that came with the safety of one another’s presence. 

Rey had one lingering thought above it all: this was the best birthday she'd ever had. 


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd written more smut for this scene but it didn't seem fitting and it turns out I was just horny so I corrected that and now I'm saving it for later! This is another longer chapter like the first two and I'm so pleased with how it's turning out. Thank you for all your responses and your feedback; it is getting me through what is a particular hard Christmas, pandemic aside. Sending love to all <3

“So what’s the story behind your nicknames for your sister?”

“Which ones?”

“I think you called her ‘deli-meat’ and ‘your highness’ or something like it.”

Ben smiled as he bit into another slice of Hawaiian pizza. Rey wasn’t sold on the pineapple, but she’d promised she’d try it. That hadn’t happened yet. Ben was letting her stall. “Her name is Kaydel. People call her Del sometimes, so I turned it into ‘deli’ like any brother would. And my dad used to call my mom ‘your worship’ sarcastically before they really became a thing. It was a love-hate sort of relationship.”

“He doesn’t do it anymore?”

“If the opportunity presents itself.”

Rey changed the subject, detecting his disinterest in the parental theme. “So what do you do for a living?”

“Oh, I’m a chef,” he said as he sprinkled more almond pieces on their salad. Rey cackled. Ben cracked up in solidarity, but genuinely repeated, “I’m dead serious, I’m the head chef at The Grill.”

Rey’s eyes widened, her laughing halted. “You’re serious? You make food for a living?”

“Have been for twelve years. Head chef only for the last five. Are you gonna keep me in the dark about that abandonment stuff you mentioned, or should I just pretend that didn’t happen?”

Rey put her pizza down and started picking at the salad’s exciting garnishes. “The story is that I was left out front of a boarding house in London, taken in by a cult of hippie lesbians just coasting through the nineties on nothing but bush and blunts, and when I was seventeen I’d scraped up enough of my own working money to catch the first plane here.”

“G-d, Rey, I'm so sorry." He was careful not to overreact, but keep his words as they were. So he added, "I still don’t see what’s so appealing about America.”

“You know, I’m not entirely sure I did, either. It’s just what people were doing.” She turned down the volume on the television. “Anyway, I started frequenting queer-focused support groups for teens to try to make some friends, and, you know, get support. That’s where I met Finn, who had also left England recently, and for two years I worked with him at a fitness center, yelling at people, queefing on yoga balls, fetching water bottles, etcetera. Then we both got scholarships for college, where I studied teaching for elementary and lived with shitty uptight roommates. Finn met Poe, Poe met me, and then the three of us became inseparable.”

“It’s so special to have friends like that.” Ben smiled, now stretched out on his side as he listened to her. 

“I watched them fall in love,” Rey added, now just fiddling with the skin of a stray apple slice. “I’d never seen that before. Two people adoring one another like that. Trusting one another. Finding each other when they weren’t even looking.”

“Two fully realized people just colliding together?”

“Exactly. Just knowing in their gut that they were each the right person for the other. They’ve been together seven years.”

“Do they want to get married?”

“They do. There’s just some homophobic family members and they both want a big wedding with everyone included, but they’re also both switches and can’t agree on who gets to propose first.”

“That must be really hard for them,” Ben said quietly, pensively. “The family part.”

Rey didn’t miss the subtle shifting in his face at the word _family,_ and wondered what he could be hiding. “Very. Therapy is a huge blessing, though, for all of us. Have you been?”

Ben sighed. “Actually, yeah. The pandemic was kind of my initial reason for getting help. And then that opened up all sorts of boxes that needed unpacking. I’ve grown to enjoy it.”

“That’s a really good place to be. I’m happy for you.” She bravely picked up a piece of Hawaiian pizza, glancing at him suspiciously. 

“Eat it,” Ben said. “You promised.”

“Who thought this was a good idea?”

“Someone brilliant. Just one bite, I’ll eat the rest.”

Ben watched her with great intrigue as she took a bite of the slouching corner of the pizza, tasting pineapple in its “controversial” place. 

He waited for her jurisdiction. “So?”

She just nodded in though, still chewing. Analyzing. When she’d finished, the silence sat between them, and they let it. 

“This tastes like the way you kiss.”

“Explain.”

“Just...exciting, comforting, new. Unfamiliar. Lovely.”

“I’m so proud of that comparison. Thank you.”

She consciously scooted further away from him. “I think I’ll be finishing this one myself after all.”

“Did you remember to text your friends?”

“Mm,” she said, mouth full of pineapple and ham and cheese and bread. “Fank yew.”

Ben started cleaning up some of their mess, leaving her to begin what would become a far-too-excited-for-after-midnight group chat thread.

  
  
  


**Rey Bans:** Thank you for birthday. Am very safe. Will see you soon. xo <3 

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** Rey, this sounds suspicious as fuck. 

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** Send us a selfie of you and No Homo RIGHT NOW.

**Finnderella:** Soon??!!!! 

**Rey Bans:** Like maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. I might be on bed rest. ;P

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** SWEETIE I DON’T THINK GOD MADE ANY STRAIGHT MEN WITH DICK THAT GOOD

**Finnderella:** UNLESS GOD DID, THEN TAKE YOURSELF TO CHURCH AND PRAY 

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** PHOTO, PRONOT

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** PRONTO*

**Finnderella:** PRONOT AKJSDKAJKDJSJKS

  
  


“Ben,” she called.

“Yo,” he called back facetiously.

“The boys want a selfie to prove I haven’t been abducted.”

He poked his head through the door. “Should I put a shirt on?”

She looked up from her phone. “Under no circumstances should you do that for this photo.”

Ben posed with her in an intentionally awkward selfie, him holding the salad bowl and a peace sign, and she sent it.

  
  


**Poe, Edgar Allen:** LORDT

**Finnderella:** Kay so you haven’t been abducted, but you’ve been AB-DUCTED

**Rey Bans:** DEVOURED

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** CONSUMED

**Finnderella:** FEASTED

**Rey Bans:** He is a CHEF. 

**Finnderella:** IS THAT A METAPHOR FOR GOOD HEAD 

**Rey Bans:** I MEAN YEA BUT LIKE FOR REAL INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN CHOP CHOP HON HON BAGUETTE 

**Finnderella:** Omgomgomgomgomgomgomg DADDY BAGUEETTE

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** DID HE GORDON RAMSEY YOUR ASS

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** CORDON BLEU ON YOUR IDDY BIDDY TIDDIES

**Finnderella:** MAKE HIM AN IDIOT SANDWICH WITH YOUR THIGHS

**Rey Bans:** I COULDN’T SPEAK, NO WORDS, NO THOUGHTS, HEAD SO EMPTY

**Rey Bans:** JUST FULL OF DUCK 

**Finnderella:** *Dan Aykroyd as Julia Child voice* DEMI DE SAUSSE 

**Rey Bans:** DUCK

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** *Ibid* POULARD DE CANARD 

**Finnderella:** SHE NEVER SAYS FAT CHICKEN OF DUCK 

**Finnderella:** WHAT IN FRESH HECK IS THAT 

**Rey Bans:** DICK 

**Rey Bans:** STUFFED LIKE A BUILD A BEAR, LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY 

**Rey Bans:** CORDON BLEUD ALL UP IN THERE

**Rey Bans:** JE SUIS UNE POULARD 

**Finnderella:** REY

**Finnderella:** REY

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** REY

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** ARE YOU PREGNNATN

**Rey Bans:** G-d, I hope so. :P

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** GODPARENTS 

**Rey Bans:** Are you guys having a good night? 

**Finnderella:** We’re in bed. Hydrated. So good.

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** I’m touching Finn up under the sheets.

**Finnderella:** Poe is still drunk. He’s touching himself up under the sheets.

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** NOW I’m touching Finn up under the sheets.

**Rey Bans:** Professional MULTITASKER

**Finnderella:** lol tit 

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** But we love you. Thx for teext. 

**Rey Bans:** Sleep time for the gays. Thx again for birthday stuffs. Love you.

Rey dug around in her purse for her makeup wipes and efficiently removed her mascara in the bathroom. That alone, felt freeing, too, even though that was all she’d been wearing. She wandered into the living room just to see what Ben was up to. He had a towel draped over his bare shoulder, from which she had to tear her eyes away to keep a grip on her carnal urges, and instead explored the rest of his space. The far wall of the penthouse was entirely a window overlooking her beautiful, sparkling city. 

“Do you ever think about how pretty New York is from up here?”

She heard a subtle clanging as Ben dropped something in the sink, and the sound of the fridge door closing. 

“I do, just in time for me to be moving.”

Rey looked over her shoulder, stomach dropping at the thought of _never_ seeing him again. This kind of night shouldn’t be allowed to only happen once.

“Where are you moving? When?”

Ben smiled as he headed to the living room. “Which question do you want me to answer first?”

Rey padded up to where he stood, and he lowered to kiss her chastely before she answered. “Either or.”

“I don’t need this apartment. It’s a great view, but it’s kind of alienating being on the top floor all by myself. My extra money should be going elsewhere than into space I don’t need. I’m moving into a smaller place downtown.”

Rey was relieved to hear he wasn’t travelling halfway across the world, or even a quarter of the way, and that he had a generous heart. And a thoughtful brain. 

“And the second question?”

“What was the second question?” He asked, lacing his fingers with hers absently as he searched her eyes for a hint.

“When.” She kissed the crown of his chest.

“I’ve got a couple more places lined up. Some viewings this week. I hope to move by the end of the month.”

“End of the year.”

“Somehow I made it through another one.” Together they slowly ended up in front of the large window again, and Ben pulled up one of his armchairs as close as he could to the edge. He sat down and Rey gestured to ask if she could join him. Ben nodded, reaching out for her. 

“When were you born?” She asked, sitting on his lap. 

He slipped his hands around her waist, his head tilting back as she combed her fingers through it. “Nineteen-ninety. November second.”

“I totally would’ve guessed you were a Scorpio.”

“Why?”

Rey sighed, leaning one arm on the back of the chair. “I dunno, you have several expensive knife sets and your Kenmore is practically naked."

“Thank G-d, I thought you were going to pull the serial killer or sociopath shit. But I did take everything off because I’m moving.”

“Close one. Great excuse. And I do believe Scorpios get a horrible rap; they are actually spectacular in bed and have unmatched chemistry with anyone they find attractive.”

"Yeah, I don't know any other Scorpios like that." One of his hands got a little extra firm just above her hip, but with a frustrated mischief in his eyes. “Tell me when you were born, and please, G-d help me, let it be before the twenty-first century.”

“Ninety-five.”

“Oh. That’s not bad at all, actually. At least we’re in the same decade.”

“Were you worried you were going to feel old?”

“More that you were going to feel young.”

“I think we’re talking about the same worry.”

“My parents were nearly ten years apart. I don’t have a problem with it.”

“I think mine were the same age. They seemed reckless, like that.”

She could see the empathy in his eyes, and hoped he wouldn’t try to say anything, for there was nothing to be said. Except, maybe:

“You didn’t say when your birthday was.”

She covered her face in embarrassment and mumbled, “December seventh.”

Ben took her hand away, holding it as it clicked. “That’s today. Yesterday, I guess, but still today. Did you not want me to know?”

“I didn’t want to make it about me; I’ve never really had a big celebration, it’s always been pretty low-key. I just wanted to get to know you and have fun and not make it a birthday thing.”

She watched as he processed what seemed to be many thoughts, the most visible of which was _what could he have done better? Had it been special?_ His voice got quiet, but with the size of his chest it still seemed to resonate deeply throughout the room. “Did you enjoy your birthday?”

“Oh, I did. It’s been spectacular.”

“Tell me what you enjoyed most.”

This she told him in intervals as she kissed the little beauty marks on his face. “I enjoyed smelling you at the bar. I enjoyed dancing with you and listening to you talk to your sister. I enjoyed taking my clothes off and talking to you about sex. I enjoyed taking your clothes off and having sex with you. So much. I enjoyed crying with you. Taking a bath in your massive tub. You’re gonna bring that tub with you wherever you go, right?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m gonna be buried in it.”

“Good. I enjoyed eating with you. Making an absurdly adult salad and I enjoyed the sacrilegious pizza and I’ve really enjoyed sitting here with you.”

“Well, then I enjoyed your birthday, too. Happy birthday, Rey.”

Somehow that phrase, in his voice, sounded more like home than anything she’d ever heard. 

She didn’t remember anything of her parents, and every other birthday exclamation or greeting she’d heard in boarding houses and friends’ apartments was always ecstatic enough to perhaps try to compensate for the sinkhole of abandonment everyone knew she’d suffered.

But this understated little emblem of his presence, this candid and genuine expression of truthful well-wishes, was something she never knew she was waiting for. 

He pulled her closer as she kissed him, their tongues coming out to play again this time. 

Before getting too caught up, Ben pulled away and asked, “Are you gonna sleep over?” 

Rey blinked at him. “Oh, I hope so. Is that okay?”

“Of course, of course. I didn’t want to assume, but I thought you would. Just wanted to check.”

“Are you tired?”

“I’m sure I will be once I hit the mattress.”

“Me too.”

“Well, I don’t work until dinnertime tomorrow, so you’re welcome to stay as long as you want until then.”

Rey’s face froze. “Fuck, I completely forgot what day it is.”

“Shit, you have school, don’t you?”

“Ms. Kent won’t be putting up with the usual shit tomorrow, that’s for sure.”

“That’s you? You’re Ms. Kent?”

“I’m Ms. Kent.”

“For your sake I’m glad you don’t teach high school, or that could easily be substituted for something else.”

“You’d be surprised what comes out of the mouths of New Yorkers’ children.”

“Then it would be good for you to get as much sleep as you can.”

She liked sitting on his lap too much for her own good. “I suppose I can squeeze six hours in.”

“Come to bed with me.”

And, like the _happy birthday,_ those five words had never had such a tender meaning, despite having only known the person who said them for less than five hours.

They shared the sink in the bathroom again, brushing their teeth together.

“Do you have clothes for tomorrow?”

“I brought a whole outfit," she said proudly.

"What else do you have in there?" He asked curiously with his toothbrush in his mouth, leaning forward to get a better view as Rey rummaged through her small and marvellously compact purse.

"Well, for nights out, in general, I always have makeup wipes, toothbrush, mini toothpaste in case the person is actually an animal, clean underwear, phone charger, mascara, and my eyebrow brush.”

“I noticed; you don’t pluck them?” Ben started flossing his teeth.

“I grew them out during the pandemic and haven’t used tweezers since. They’re finally starting to stay this shape.”

“I like it. They’re very chic. Very Zendaya meets Audrey Hepburn meets Awkwafina.” When he spit into the sink, Rey noticed there was no blood, implying that flossing was a regular routine for him, and he wasn’t just trying to impress her. She would have been flattered, either way. 

“Three gay icons. You’re sweet for saying so. I like your taste.”

“Well, thanks.” He began to wash his face, the sound of the faucet dripping into his consciousness and reminding him of sleep. “So much of tonight doesn’t feel real.”

“You’re a riot to hang out with, so I know what you mean.”

“It feels like we already know each other, just how comfortable I guess we’ve both felt all night.”

She looked up at him. “Maybe we do,” she said before smiling and heading back into the bedroom. “Do you mind if I sleep naked?”

The question caught Ben’s eye as he dried his damp face. He met her gaze as she waited for his answer. “No, not at all. Do you?”

“Do I mind?”

“If I do.”

“Oh. No, absolutely not.” It was here that she dropped the robe with zero flair, as though it had simply been waiting to shed itself from her disproportionate form. Ben shut the light off in the bathroom and joined her, stripping off his sweatpants. Rey plugged in her cellphone and set her alarm for what was now six hours from the present. She’d survived on less. 

Together they unmade the bed, as naked as newborn babies, crawling in between the thick duvet and its embraced top sheet, and sinking into the pillow of a mattress where they met in the middle.

“I should warn you, my alarm is the whistle part of Mariah Carey’s ‘Emotion’,” Rey said, sucker punching her pillow into the right shape. 

“Like the one in the lawn mower vine?” Ben replied, setting his own alarm. 

“Oh my G-d, yes.”

“Okay, but if I’m awake before you, I might just start singing it instead.” 

Rey couldn’t wait. 

Ben was very much not kidding.

Perhaps it was the memory foam, or the exhaustion, or the fantastic sex, or the fantastic food, but neither of them had slept this well in a very long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic is literally just happening as I think of it as a coping mechanism so if you have any prompts or moments you want to see happen with this dynamic in this universe I would LOVE to hear it!! xoxo


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversation over a lovely continental breakfast, and a promise of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow so chapter five already I must be grieving

The very next thing Ben heard was his own alarm, gentle and quiet even in its alarming energy. He shut it off promptly, never needing to hit the snooze button, and rolled over to be sure someone was still in his bed.

That _Rey_ was still in his bed. 

It was here that he noticed a symbol tattooed along the left side of her ribcage: a hollow pair of arms cradling what appeared to be nothing. It was small and simple, but big enough for him to spend a long while (several minutes) wondering what it could be. How old was she when she’d gotten it? Did it hurt? Was it planned, was it a dare, was it a drunken decision? He wanted to know _everything._

How he wanted to kiss her there, and everywhere, but he decided to let her sleep until her own alarm went off. Getting up and stretching, he threw on some new underwear, his sweatpants, and a pullover crewneck sweater that his sister had given him for Christmas one year. In the kitchen, he began making his usual breakfast, but with twice as many options for a woman whose morning dietary rhythms were unbeknownst to him at this particular point. But based on her appetite last night, he had a pretty good guess. 

After twenty minutes or so, he heard a blast of Mariah Carey from the bedroom followed by a startled, “Fuck off!” 

He laughed to himself, beginning to whistle the rest of the song after she’d silenced the alarm. 

Her stuffed plate was laid out with a lid over it to keep it from cooling, and he boiled water for whichever caffeinated drink she might prefer, if any. 

Rey emerged from the bedroom only five minutes later, dressed in high-waisted tapered yellow plaid slacks and a black turtleneck, her medium length hair combed neatly into a half-up half-down style as she tidied the afterparty in her purse. Her earrings were chunky and matched her pants, as chic as her gorgeous natural eyebrows.

Ben peered down to catch her little feet in adorable yellow socks as she crossed towards the kitchen. 

“Good morning,” she said with a cheerful demeanour as she put her purse down and met his eyes.

“Hello. You hungry?”

“I am, but I usually just get something on the way. I don’t want to give you an extra mouth to feed this early in the morning.”

“I’m always up this early. Please, I insist.”

“Well, if it’s not too much trouble, I suppose. That would be lovely.”

“Great. It’s ready.” He passed her plate down the counter and invited her to sit on one of the barstools. “A little bit of everything because I don’t know what you like.”

“I like it all. I’m afraid my eyes are always bigger than my stomach in the morning, though.”

“Whatever you don’t eat, I will.”

Ben lifted the lid off of the plate for her and continued whistling. Rey took it all in, in sight and in smell: there was one scrambled egg, one over easy, and one cheese omelette, with fluffy fresh bread and butter, and a separate bowl of some sort of fruit salad.

She couldn’t decide where to start. 

“Can I kiss you?”

He brought over two glasses of orange juice, offering her one and clinking her glass with the other. “Yes please.”

She knelt up on the barstool, leaning over the counter and he met her with a kiss that nearly a hundred years ago would have been called ‘fresh’.

“Thank you for breakfast,” she said as they separated. “Are you going to eat with me?”

“If you insist.”

The radio was on, already playing Christmas tunes, and Rey thought she could actually feel some early Christmas spirit despite the lack of snow. Ella and Louis’ “I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm” was cheerful as it ricocheted through Ben’s apartment. The food he’d made was delightful, made with love and intent and generosity. She couldn’t wait to see what the man could make for lunch, dinner, and dessert.

“This food is a god-send. You have an excellent talent. But I knew that from the salad alone.”

“Well, thanks.” He blushed, balancing himself on a stool opposite her and they slowly woke up as they ate together. “What’s your tattoo?” He asked.

“Which one?” She replied.

He looked at her, unprepared for the possibility of her having _more,_ despite having seen so much of her last night. “I only saw the one. On your….” He gestured to compensate for the amount of food going into his mouth.

If it had a sensitive meaning, Rey didn’t seem to show it. If anything it gave her plenty of joy. “It’s the ASL sign for ‘baby’.”

Ben processed it for a moment. And couldn’t quite handle how adorable the symbol was. “I commend you for that originality. That’s really sweet, too.”

“Yeah, I felt I was too old for something stupid like ‘plunger’ and too smart for ‘wanderlust’ or the infinity symbol.”

“I don’t think I would’ve invited you to stay over if you had either of those. You would’ve gotten a pass with ‘plunger’, though.”

“I think I could tell that when I met you. It really broke the ice.”

“Tell me about the ‘baby’ sign. If you’d like to.”

Rey sighed, beginning to slow down on her expansive breakfast. She’d eaten three-quarters of it. “One thing I need you to be certain of is that my story is not a sob. Yes, I am an only child, but I grew up surrounded by adults and their children and created connections with everyone. I like to think I’m a little more agreeable and less self-oriented than many only-children.” She took one final bite and had to put her fork down. “The baby thing was inspired by my learning ASL when coming to America, and just how much I want to be a mum.”

“Yeah?”

“More than anything.”

“Can I ask why?”

Rey detected it wasn’t out of disagreement or readiness to debate her on the subject, but rather out of a place of genuine fascination and admiration towards such a focused and passionate perspective.

“I don’t usually like saying it’s because I want to have a do-over, be able to show up for another human being the way my parents never could. Or did. I mean they could’ve left me out in the middle of nowhere, so they at least took me somewhere I could be taken care of. But I just feel that it’s in my nature to mother someone, and that I’ll be dissatisfied with myself if I die without using my natural ability to give life to someone else. But to all the people I’ve known who have chosen otherwise - I have a sincere love and respect for them.”

Ben had stopped eating, now, too. “That’s carefully posed. And beautiful.”

“Thank you. I spend a lot of time in here,” she said, gesturing to her heart _and_ her head. After recognizing his intrigue, she smiled and turned her attention to her juice. “Do you have any?”

“Any what?”

“Children. No, tattoos,” she followed up politely with a giggle.

“I never got any. But I do have a few scars, though. Do those count?”

“Absolutely,” she said, eyes animating empathically. “Anything that’s permanently marked your body tells your story.”

“I guess so.” He glanced at the clock. “You’re gonna be late.”

“What? No, I want to see them.”

“Maybe another time, then. Are you finished?”

She hopped off the stool to help him with the dishes. “Yes, I’m afraid I anticipated the tiny stomach thing.”

“No need to fear that. It happens.” He smiled at her kindly.

“Thank you again for feeding me, it was very thoughtful and generous of you.”

He paused and leaned over the counter. “It’s the least I can do. You rocked my world last night,” he said only half-ironically.

And she kissed him fully unironically. “Really? I didn’t even grab your headboard or call you ‘daddy’.”

“It’s not easy when I don’t have one you can grab.”

“Or when I don’t have a dad.”

The colour seemed to momentarily drain from Ben’s face but she was quick to repair it, reaching out gently for his arm. “And sometimes I make jokes like that. I’ve come to terms with a lot of my shit, so at this point you’re allowed to laugh. I find them funny. But if you really don’t like it I won’t do it when we’re together.”

He did this thing with his mouth that was sort of a pout merged with an uncomfortable swallow, his eyes cast down in thought as he processed a reply. She expected the rest of the conversation to be as solemn as it always was after she made a joke like that to a partner. 

Ben said, “Well, I guess if you think we’re going to be spending more time together I’d better give you my number.”

The bastard delivered it like an Oscar-nominated indie film star who had every thick layer of emotion entirely nailed. And Rey was speechless as she stared into those tender, statuesque, emotive brown eyes. Like he was carved out of the pieces of marble that go to waste from building the ones people think they want to see, and turn into the most breathtaking structure of human expression that remains imprinted in people’s memory before it disappears forever, never to be found again.

She just nodded, starstruck. “Yeah, I guess you’d better.”

Now he got close to her face, bending down towards her lips as he whispered, “Go put your coat on, I’ll meet you by the door.”

As if it wasn’t four feet away. Rey still jumped at the opportunity.

Ben snatched a post-it note and a pen from his counter and began his whistling again. Rey grabbed her coat from the front closet and slipped it on, lacing up her brown leather Converse from the night before that still smelled faintly of the alcohol she and her friends had spilled. As she stood upright, head flushed from leaning forward and down, Ben stood before her with the paper, still whistling.

“Hide this in your snatch.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Fine. Don’t.”

She laughed, playfully furious. She gently took hold of the bottom of his sweater as she met his eyes. “I want you to know I _will_ be thinking about you all day.”

He reached behind her, pulling her body flush to his to get her out of the way of the opening door, and they kissed slowly as they paused in the threshold.

“I don’t normally work nights but I’m filling in for one of my other cooks. Otherwise I’d take you out to dinner.”

“Hm, but you’re a gentleman, right?” She smiled softly just shy of his unfairly soft, full angel lips. 

“Until you ask me to be otherwise,” he promised.

They parted ways and he watched her walk down the hall of his building to the elevator, and she held up the paper, yelling, “I’m hiding this in my snatch.”

“I’ll just be touching myself all day from the minute you’re gone,” he called after her, eyes roaming over her presence from head to toe.

“Sure.” She laughed. With a fiery blush that only she could see or feel. 

“Don’t believe me?”

She turned around and gave him a last look as the elevator opened with a chime. “Oh, I do.”

They smiled, and disappeared from each other’s sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEE who's excited for MORE - comment below what you thought and if you have any prompts or ideas you'd like me to write! This is all just made up as I go along so anything is welcome! xoxo thank you thank you for reading <3


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's Friday is always most eventful at lunchtime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter but I'm working speedy on the next one!

“Now this is all listed on the papers in front of you, but I want you to each write a poem about a person in your life, without using their name or any huge defining features, and submit it to me by the fourteenth. It doesn’t have to rhyme, but I’d like it to be about eight or ten lines long. When you submit them, I will make copies and give everyone in the class someone else’s poem, without knowing who’s who. Then we’ll spend the rest of the class painting, and I want to see you paint that person in the poem to the best of your ability. They'll be displayed just in time for the showcase.”

One of the sixth graders in Rey’s class raised their hand. “What if we’re no good at painting faces?”

“I’m not looking for anything to be photographic or realistic, but obviously if you want to work towards that you absolutely can. If you look at painters like Jean-Michel Basquiat and Heidi K. Brandow, whose work is on your criteria sheet along with Picasso and many others, their portraits and styles are uniquely abstract and deeply focused on the use of colour and shape rather than photorealism.”

“What if we’re going on vacation on the fifteenth?”

“Then I’m coming with you to make sure you finish your homework.” Her kids giggled. She elaborated. “We’ll work something out.” She took to the whiteboard and wrote out the word _enigmatic._ “Who can tell me what this means?”

The tallest eleven-year-old had an answer, and Rey pointed them out. He offered, “Like something is an enigma?”

Rey nodded. “And what’s an enigma?” 

She prompted one of the students at the back of the class with her hand up to answer. 

“Kind of hard to understand or mysterious?”

“Exactly. Now I know I’ve only been teaching you full-time for about a year, but I’d like to think I taught you that.” Some of the class laughed or smiled, and Rey enjoyed the feeling. “I encourage you to think of your paintings to be as mysterious as the poems themselves, and just paint whatever image the words seem to spark in your head. It’s important to understand that this is an exercise in creativity, not in perfection.” 

She erased _enigmatic_ from the board and dropped the eraser in its tray, glancing at the large clock over the door. “I never liked asking questions in front of the class, so if anyone has any questions feel free to see me after.” The bell rang for lunchtime. “And as usual if you’re lonely at lunch or need somebody to talk to, I’ll be here. Teacher’s lounge is lame.”

As her students rushed to pack up their desks and sifted through the door, one of the girls stayed behind, approaching Rey’s desk timidly. 

Rey looked up at her with an obliging smile. “Question or hangout?”

“Um. Yes.”

Rey waited for her to continue, leaning forward on her desk to be at eye level with the girl.

“Something happened in the bathroom earlier.” The girl had been excused halfway through class and had come back looking sort of flustered and buzzing with awareness of everybody around her. Rey couldn’t pay much attention to it, but it had definitely _caught_ her attention.

“Okay. Should I guess?” Rey asked kindly, trying to use her ‘charm’ that her friends had identified to bring some sort of comfort to her obviously bothered student. 

“No. I just don’t really know how to say it.”

Rey thought about it for a moment. “Would you feel better if we closed the door?”

The redheaded girl with large green eyes, a subtle overbite, a stunning aquiline nose, and a face covered in freckles nodded, her hands clasped in front of her shyly. Rey crossed to shut the heavy classroom door and returned to her desk, patiently waiting for the outcome of what she imagined had probably happened in the bathroom. 

“My aunt told me what it was. But it didn’t look like what she said it would.”

Rey nodded in understanding. “That’s normal, because everybody’s different, but it can be very weird the first time. How do you want me to help?”

“I don’t know.” The girl brought her eyes to the floor. 

“Do you want to call someone?”

“Can you ask my aunt to come get me?”

“If you’re more comfortable with that, sure. And you might need this,” she added, digging through her purse for a backup pad, although she’d gone primarily waste-free since before the pandemic. It was occasions like this, for which she saved one. 

The girl took it, examining it gingerly. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“How old are you, love?”

“Ten.”

Rey’s face fell at the thought of how young that was to have her first period, although she supposed it certainly wasn’t the youngest age for some. Rey didn’t get her own until she was thirteen. But she’d been where this girl was - the youngest in the class and being an entire age behind although you shared a grade. It was an ongoing disappointment, a feeling of being left behind every year with no hope of catching up. The repercussions of that were still sending her to therapy, but had relented over the years.

“I can’t go to the bathroom with you, but do you have a friend you trust who can go?”

The girl shook her head.

Rey sighed to herself. She’d been there, too. “Alright. That’s okay. It seems quite daunting but it’s very simple. Would you like me to explain it to you?”

The girl nodded. 

Rey explained how to use the product to the best of her ability, and invited her to come back when she was finished to let her know if it had worked.

“I’ll call your aunt while you’re in there.”

The girl left quickly and Rey said a silent prayer for it to not ruin the ten-year-old’s day. Or her pants. 

“Hello, this is Ms. Kent, the visual arts teacher, calling about Michaela.”

The contact on the other end sounded concerned, as they should. Rey continued. “She’s just confided in me and it appears she’s got her first period. She’s not feeling well and would like you to pick her up. Is there any chance that could happen?”

Michaela’s aunt was understanding, and sounded as wonderfully kind and caring as Rey used to imagine her mother to be. It was a bittersweet sort of thought, but the woman promised she’d be at the school in thirty minutes. 

While she waited for the girl to return, Rey put her purse back together and found a bright yellow post-it note with a ten-digit number written in clear handwriting. 

Everything came rushing back, _everything_ that had left her head as she got into teacher mode that morning, and felt raving, wild butterflies at the thought of the man who had so courteously appeared in her life the night before, and made a blissful mark. 

She dialed the number. 

It rang. 

“ _Hullo_ ,” that same resonant voice answered, and Rey wasn’t expecting to come alive so easily by that sound alone.

“Hi,” she answered back. “Is this Wendy’s?”

“ _Taco Bell, but close_.”

Her cheeks split into a grin. “Do you deliver?”

“ _Do you tip?_ ”

“Extremely. You sound handsome. Are you working tomorrow?”

“ _I’ve got the weekend off. Nosy_ ,” he added.

“I’d like to take you to dinner tomorrow night.” She rolled her pen back and forth obsessively on the desk, heart pounding. 

“ _Not if I take you out first. Come to the restaurant, I’ll make us a late dinner there_.”

She smiled. “At the Taco Bell?”

“ _Yeah. The one with the Grill. Nine p.m._?”

“Perfect. Give your sexually misconducted employees my best wishes and warmest regards tonight.”

“ _I can’t. They’re in rehab for being entitled and angry_.”

“Like in _Fleabag_?” 

“ _Like in_ Fleabag.”

“Bye, Klare.”

“ _Bye, Claire_.”

“Bye Klare.”

Rey boldly ended the call there, planning to send him a message momentarily to ensure it really was him, although there was truly no mistaking that voice. 

Michaela returned looking slightly more relaxed, but still evidently exhausted. 

“Did it work?”

“Now I know why my aunt’s friends are so cranky all the time. These are so uncomfortable.”

Rey smiled. “There are a lot of alternatives, but they’re good for getting you started. It is a big adjustment. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

Michaela nodded, fingers brushing over one of the mini figurines on Rey’s desk. “Is my aunt coming?”

“Oh, yes. Sorry. She’ll be here in thirty minutes.”

“Can I eat my lunch here?”

“Of course. Do you mind if I eat mine, too?”

The girl giggled. “No, I don’t mind.”

While she was off to get her lunch, Rey took the opportunity to send Ben a message. But when she opened her phone, he’d beaten her to it.

**Ben:** DUDE. You’ve got a face for radio if I ever heard one

**Rey:** IKR YOU SOUND SO HOT WTF 

**Ben:** Srsly. Seriously. Slrsyly. Dinner’s on me. Because I’m making it. Tomorrow. For you. Us. Please.

**Ben:** Please.

**Rey:** Yes Yes Yes !!!! I will EAT IT.

**Rey:** Euphemisms and ALL. 

**Ben:** how do u feel about seafood

**Rey:** SCALLOPS SHRIMPIES LOBSTER SALMON YESSIR

**Ben:** YAY MY FAVES 

**Rey:** Can we have sex again?

**Ben:** CAN WE

**Ben:**????!!!!! So much. So very much of it. With you.

**Rey:** OKAY THANK GOD

**Ben:** How is school?

**Rey:** Fun. 10 y/o got her period. It’s lunchtime and we’re hanging out.

**Ben:** Power meeting

**Rey:** U know if you had said girl power I would’ve closed up shop and retired 

**Rey:** *several chastity belt locks clicking in the distance* 

**Ben:** Period is intense. Period is life. Period is pain. Period is power. Power meeting.

**Rey:** Your dick isn’t ready for me.

**Ben:** K

  
  


Rey’s head fell to the desk with a groan, stunned by how red her own face was and how much he’d made her laugh in the last three minutes, how much their languages in person and virtually seemed to just melt together like the world’s best, most substantial grilled cheese sandwich. The fact that he had to have been right: there was no way their souls hadn’t known each other in a previous life, or in a parallel universe where they’d never been able to be together or looked to the rest of the world like polar opposites. Like light and dark. Warmth and cold. 

Neither of their pasts had been nurtured by trusting in people’s authenticity and consistency, but perhaps there was something screaming within them both, something just starting to be heard by the other over the sound of their own horrors.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey do a little further catching up before the day is done. Finn, Poe, and Rey celebrate the end of another week in the city, as well as their magnificent personal triumphs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments have been rolling in faster than ever, and I have to say they literally mean so so much to my sore, tired heart this Christmas. Thank YOU for reading and appreciating my work, I am so honoured to be able to share this with you all.
> 
> PS: I've made some changes to the earlier text, bc this is all getting made up as I go along. Ex. Rey is twenty-seven, not twenty-five anymore, to make her job a little more realistic and comfortable. Ben works at The Grill on E 52nd St, NYC. Finn was also from London and moved to New York, but he and Rey still met in the USA. I changed Rey's comment about Ben being a Scorpio, because I was a little harsh on my beautiful and clever Scorpio friends <3 Kaydel has hazel eyes, like her father, not blue. But we will meet her (and them) later! I think that's it, but if anything doesn't make sense, feel free to comment!

Ben stretched out on his yoga mat, willing himself to be further flattened into the floor as he tried coming to terms with just how vibrantly on-key his ever-so-suddenly blossoming relationship with Rey seemed to resonate. He was used to there being a catch to situations like these, and he’d never been a patient person. This would not be easy, but not for the reasons it usually wasn’t. He lifted his phone the second he heard it chime again.

**Rey:** How’s touching yourself?

**Ben:** Lame.

**Rey:** Condolences.

He covered his eyes as though that would stop him from smiling. Her sharpness was unpredictable, and yet familiar. 

**Ben:** I feel estranged from my own dick now that someone else has touched it

**Rey:** I know

**Rey:** And all we did was have sex!

**Ben:** All we did was have sex!!!

**Rey:** It wasn’t even reverse cowgirl. Or doggystyle. Or against a wall. Or in the kitchen. We’ve only just MET. 

**Ben:** It was only REGULAR cowgirl! With the aftershocks of all of the above. 

**Rey:** Sex is the only time I’ll accept the title of horse girl. What’s the dress code for tomorrow?

**Ben:** I like your style. But anything easily expandable with an appetite like yours.

**Rey:** Oh talk DIRTY to me

**Ben:** k I’ll add that to the list for tomorrow I guess 

**Rey:** Can’t wait. Class about to start. xoxo

**Ben:** Call me later. If you want. I work at 5. :) 

He let his phone drop to his chest, not expecting a reply, and imagined how passionate she seemed to be about teaching. How wildly fortunate she must have gotten to be where she was at her age. How certain she was of what she wanted, but so poetically open to change and the tide of her human growth. 

At the very least, Ben couldn’t help but admire her. And he still had so much to learn. 

  
  


______________

  
  


When the school day ended, Rey packed up her things and managed to leave before the buses, although their traffic had no impact on her as she primarily took the usual public transit. She had been beginning to resent the city, but knew that once the first snowfall occurred, she’d fall in love with it all over again. 

She figured she could go back to Ben’s for another round in the bedroom, but that was a little needy. She convinced herself she did _have_ willpower, but whether or not she could exemplify it to herself was another thing entirely. 

Rey was about to send a message to her friends, but Finn had gotten there first.

**Finnderella:** We have tea. Big shit. Good shit.

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** I had one of those this morning.

**Reyzor Crest:** I can smell it from here. Drinks tn?

By the time she’d entered, commuted, and exited the tunnel and returned to street level, he had long since responded, and her cell service finally clued in.

**Finnderella:** Always. Time?

**Reyzor Crest:** Eight ish?

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** I’m there. Yours?

**Reyzor Crest:** Mine.

**Finnderella:** Friyay. 

**Reyzor Crest:** #yolo

**Poe, Edgar Allen:** Ew. So very ew with that. Put it away in the sticky 2013 drawer

**Finnderella:** And nail it shut 

  
  


_____________

  
  


The drops of water flicked all over the bathroom counter as Ben dried his hair, fresh out of the shower. Wrapped in his large black towel, he walked carefully into the bedroom, checking his watch by his bedside. His phone chimed from where he’d left it in the kitchen, and he became frazzled quickly. Whether to get dressed first or to slip and slide into the next room the check the message was an internal struggle he’d never quite handled before. 

He settled for drying his feet more thoroughly and slipping on his socks before speed walking to the phone. 

There was a voicemail. 

“ _Hi there, it’s Rey, just calling to harass you. I don’t know if you’ll have time to call me before you leave for work, but I hope you don’t have to deal with any bullshit tonight. Or rather, I guess I hope there’s no bullshit for you to deal with in the first place. Bullshit-free workplace. Anyway, call me later if you’re up for it, I’ll probably be awake until eleven or so. Bye, then.”_

When he’d ended the call, it wasn’t for another four seconds that he found the smile on his own face. 

The message was minutes old. He called her back. 

“ _I really tried my luck with that message. I didn’t think anybody answered their voicemails anymore.”_

“I’m old. ”

“ _I like it._ ”

His chest swelled and he had to take an extra breath to compensate. “I'll take it. Did you get that period sorted?”

Rey sighed on the other end. “ _Oh, yeah. Poor kid. Hope she gets home alright_.”

“Ten is really young for that. She must’ve been freaked out.”

“ _Yeah. I was instantly taken back_.”

“How old were you?”

“ _I’d just turned thirteen. I told one of the other girls living in the house - I’d thought we were friends, but she was just kinda ‘meh’ about it all. Anyway, I was able to let one of my hosts know and not paint the town red, as it were.”_

Ben smiled again. Rey paused. 

“ _Are you smiling at my period story?”_

“Yeah, I just really love a good period story.” He heard her laugh on the other end, and he continued after a moment. “I wish I could see you tonight.”

He heard a door close and her voice get closer to the speaker. “ _Me too. But I’m still processing the food and the dick I got from you the first time.”_

“Sounds great. I hope you can share."

“ _Well,_ y _ou know how I said my eyes are bigger than my stomach in the morning?”_ she asked. _“My heart was bigger than my vagina last night_.”

Ben’s laugh came from deep within, escaping partially through teeth, evolving faster than he could manage as her joke clicked with too many empty joints inside him. He heard Rey’s affirming laugh on the other end, imagining her face as it happened.

“ _I’m surprised no one noticed me awkwardly waddling down the hall or sitting gingerly in my chair.”_

“‘There goes Ms. Kent, looking as lively as ever, but somehow she must’ve developed osteoporosis overnight.’"

“ _You’re so fun to talk to, Ben. I mean that_.”

He didn’t think he’d laughed this much in several years. “Well, thanks. It takes two.” He started fidgeting with random interactive items around his apartment. 

“ _I imagine it’ll be busy at the restaurant tonight. Do you ever get stressed out_?”

He sucked in a breath. Released it. Just for fun. “Like in general? All the time.” 

Rey snickered again, and it filled him with an equal sense of joy. “ _Oh, bollocks, of course.”_

“Yeah. It can be stressful between six and eight, usually. But I’m the tallest person in the kitchen so people tend to leave me alone. And I’m in charge.”

“ _I suppose that helps_.”

“What’s the most stressful part of teaching?”

“ _Oh, gosh. Probably just teaching in the city. I was hired so quickly and I needed the money so I didn’t really think about how long I’d plan to stay or anything. I guess like you I hope to relocate someday.”_

“Any place will be lucky to have you. I’d give you a gold star.”

“ _That’s my job_.”

Ben smiled, hoping she could feel this one, too.

“I’m about to head out, but I’ll message you in the morning. Make sure you’re still breathing.”

“ _Great. Best of luck.”_

They said a cordial goodnight. Ben headed to work. Rey puttered around her space, desperately wanting to hear the news that her friends had to share, and wondered what on earth she could do to pass the time. 

So after an hour or so of cleaning her kitchen, about a quarter of the size of Ben’s, she changed her clothes and watched the next three episodes of _Queer Eye_ from five until seven-thirty.

She ate some of her questionable leftovers from two days prior and allowed herself to sink into the state of aloneness she hadn’t felt in twenty-four hours. She’d forgotten how much she so needed it, for being with Ben had felt quite the opposite of exhausting, and being at school was just as fulfilling. This was her time to power up for a wonderful evening with her two very best friends in the world. 

With the thought of Ben moving out of a space too big for him, Rey looked around her apartment as she prepared snacks for her friends, putting on one of her Wardell Gray albums and sweeping the crumbs and shoe debris from the ancient floor. 

Finn and Poe arrived fashionably early, drinks and brie and bread and expensive crackers in hand. 

Rey assured them, "I have all of this, lads, you didn’t have to bring anything."

“Oh, no, we know you’ve got enough for _you_ ,” Poe answered. 

“We came prepared for you to eat more than your share,” Finn explained. “We always bring backup.”

Rey took their coats as they settled in, Poe awkwardly rolling over the couch in a stiff, sort of robotic way. “I used to be able to do that,” he grumbled, reaching to pour their drinks at the coffee table.

“Welcome to the crumbling lava cake of our late twenties,” Finn affirmed his partner. “A bloody delight if you’re on drugs, but when you’re finished you realize, ‘so that’s it, then?’”

It made Rey laugh. Poe was grumpy about it. 

“Rey, so help me, I hope you ordered lava cakes,” Poe called. “I’m not gonna be able to stop thinking about lava cakes.”

“Alright men,” Rey said from the kitchen. “Tell me the tea. I’ve already had nervous diarrhea once today.”

“Really not the kind of lava cake I was asking for,” Poe replied. Finn clasped Poe’s hand as they huddled together on the worn corduroy couch. “Come sit.”

Rey joined them with her drink, sitting on the Ottoman opposite, by the window. The couple shared an anticipatory look and Rey unconsciously scooted to the edge of her seat.

“We’re having a baby.” They could hardly contain the joy that pooled in their eyes, even at just the mention of it.

Rey almost dropped her glass as she stood up. “Oh my G-d.” She rushed to kneel before them as they embraced tightly. “That is big. That’s wonderful. How do you feel?” she asked as they let go.

“Well, we finally realized there’s no reason to wait for a wedding, because we don’t know how long this could take,” Finn said. “But we do still want to get married at some point.”

“We’ve been saving for almost four years. This feels more important to us than a wedding right now, anyway.”

“We’d get married at City Hall if we had to.”

Poe hummed. “Yeah, but I’m really not gonna let that happen.”

“I’ll donate,” Rey said eagerly. “Do you want me to start a GoFundMe? What can I do for you?”

“We should be able to manage, but knowing you, you won’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” Finn said, slabbing brie on crackers for the three of them.

“My sister’s offered to be our surrogate,” Poe said happily, and perhaps as serenely as Rey had ever seen him. She’d only met his sister once, but what she remembered was a woman she’d almost had sex with before connecting the relation and the two feeling awkward about it, whose conversations were philosophical and wildly captivating, and whose smile was over a thousand watts of pure joy. She was nothing short of perfect. 

“I’m so happy for you both. You deserve this, and you deserve it now. Have you spoken to your families about it?”

“We decided this is something we don’t need their permission for, but neither is getting married, I guess,” Finn said. “I just mean we don’t need to think about any extra relatives being involved in our child’s life.”

“Why do they need to be involved in your marriage, either?”

Poe wagered, “I think we’ve been hanging onto the idea that we wanted everyone to be at our wedding, because we’re really not in any rush. Now we just want to start our family.”

“Like I said, I think we’ve finally discovered we don’t need anybody else but each other, and it’s taken a long time to figure that out. But we are going to have matching sparkly capes and a swing band if I have any say in it.” Finn handed his partner another massive chunk of brie on a piece of baguette and Poe kissed his cheek. 

“I commend you for your patience with each other. And with yourselves,” Rey added, heart swelling with joy at the thought of her friends’ happiness together. “I love you.”

“We love you, too, garbitch,” Finn spoke for the two of them. As a sign of his love, Poe dunked a piece of bread in Rey’s wine and shoved it in her mouth. 

“Great, when you’re finished, you have to tell us just how big this guy’s dick is.”

Rey nodded affirmatively, focusing on digesting what had been stuffed in her face, and how their ideas were encouraging her to live more in the moment, herself. So, accordingly, she was living in the moment of eating the bread.

Finn stretched out on the sofa while Poe headed to the kitchen for paper towels, and Rey began pacing around, finding the best way to politely describe Ben’s mechanics.

“Don’t be shy, now,” Finn encouraged, trying to drink his wine from a horizontal position. 

“Let’s say it’s between a recorder and a Pringles can," Rey finally mumbled out, bread mostly gone. 

“My G-d.” Poe dropped something in the kitchen, and it didn’t sound like paper towels.

“How far between?” Finn’s voice practically broke, it went so high up in his register.

“Rey, you do know how big Pringles cans are, right?” Poe inquired. 

Finn was half-upright now. “How are you still walking?” 

“I popped by physiotherapy on my way home,” Rey said facetiously.

“I have heard they do walk-ins,” Poe affirmed from the kitchen floor. 

Rey and Finn shared a look before she asked Poe, “What did you drop?”

“A bowl full of paper clips.”

Finn made a face that said, _why?_ To which Rey responded with a genuine _I_ _have a lot of paper._

She headed into the kitchen to help Poe, but he’d cleaned them up quickly. “There were only like six,” he assured her, deadpan. 

With that crisis averted, they reconvened in the living room. “So how did you find him at Playhouse?” Finn asked.

“Sidelines, love.”

“Are you sure he isn’t a little gay?”

She pondered this for a moment, taking a sip of her drink. “He’s told me he’s straight. I’m trusting his word.”

“But how did he say it?”

“Very aware of how he sounded. Kind of disappointed in himself, actually.”

“For being straight?”

“Well, yeah. It’s only been a day, though. He's making dinner for us tomorrow.”

“So tell me more about this chef thing he’s got going on,” Poe asked subtly.

“He runs the kitchen at The Grill.”

“Absolutely no way.”

“Okay, so, one: we never have to feed you again, and two: _why_ was he at Playhouse?”

“His sister was there with her girlfriend, and she dragged him along because he’d just had a really shitty day, apparently.”

“Did you Uno reverse on his shitty day and make his wildest wet dreams come true?”

“We’ve agreed to save that for tomorrow. Last night was a lot of emotion. I've never cried after an orgasm before, nor have I cried after an orgasm while holding the guy who is also crying from the same orgasm."

“Has he been unintentionally abstinent for the last three years, too?”

“Not sure if it was intentional or not, but yeah.”

“So you slept over.”

“We took a bath together while we waited for our food to arrive, and watched _Queer Eye_ \- he dresses like he’s been styled by Master France himself - and then just talked for a while. We slept naked without having sex again, which was very sweet, and he made me breakfast this morning.”

“Marry him,” Finn said, a painfully urgent honesty in his eyes, while Poe just stared, mouth agape, still trying to comprehend how Ben could be straight.

“He sounds like the ‘after’ of every _Queer Eye_ episode. If you don’t marry him, we will.”

“I’ll keep you posted. And bring you leftovers.” Rey smiled before finishing off her drink, setting the empty glass on the table, and they spent the rest of the evening further investing in rounds and rounds of Uno, broken only by mildly intoxicated dance breaks and screaming from the rooftop. The sound poured down across the alleys and the streets like the seeping lava cake of their electrifying, thunderous twenties.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evening of firsts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! This is a long chapter, but I couldn't find a decent place to break it, and I figured it would be worth it after the extra delay. Thank you for reading!!!! xoxo

The natural circadian rhythms of Rey’s body awoke with a quiet start at six-forty-five that Saturday morning, Mariah Carey’s usual tone missing from her ears. Although she’d been drinking, her tolerance was low, and therefore so was her limit. So her body only rang with the soft memory of the night before, and a dryness in her mouth that could be easily fixed by familiar cold water. 

She hadn’t slept more than four hours for the past two nights, and figured it would be best to sleep as long as she could. And it would boost her energy for the late dinner she had that evening. 

Rey naturally found herself falling down a rabbit hole that would keep her awake, one where she overthought every little thing that had happened in the last thirty-six hours and how she shouldn’t allow herself to get attached. Or to even trust him so soon. 

But despite the long list of disappointments and losses she had suffered in her twenty-seven years mostly on her own, Rey Kent inhaled and held it for a moment, deciding that her friends had been right. 

She’d been through enough already, and it was very much time for her to more firmly situate her presence in whatever brought her joy, invigorated her spirit, and offered her hope. 

And it seemed she’d happened upon just the thing. 

  
  
  


____________

  
  
  


The next thing she knew, it was noon, and her body was weightless, like when you finally get off your feet after a gruelling day. 

She checked her phone to see that Ben had, indeed, sent her a check-in message that said:

**Ben:** Still on for tonight? Text STOP to opt out of these messages.

Rey smiled into her pillow at the thought of him. Someone unpredictable and yet so blissfully comfortable to be around - both things he’d easily showcased in their mere eight hours together. So _stranger_ and yet so _old friend_. 

**Rey:** You promised me food. And fantastic company. Don’t stop. 

She launched herself out of bed - compensating for her head rush and dehydration - and cranked up her favourite playlist on the stereo before drinking as much cold water as she could stand. She hopped in the shower and sang along loudly, not caring to skip any of her usual skip-songs. When she emerged, she allowed herself to spend most of the day lounging. Lunch was as big as it had ever been, and she ate it completely with minimal leftovers. 

At around three, she began grading previous assignments that would be returned Monday, in time for her students to use them in guidance for their final. 

The ticking clock in her kitchen was horrendous, for she kept glancing at it, often twice in the same minute, wondering how soon was too soon to leave. But she supposed dinner had to be late, because the kitchen would be a hellscape until that point. 

But _G-d,_ the day couldn’t be passing any slower. 

She scrolled through the results for The Grill restaurant and found images of expensive looking people posing in front of expensive looking food, celebrities visiting and getting photographed in what looked like a powder room with dressing room lighting, loveseats, and glamorous decor. Everyone dressed to the nines in cocktail dresses and heels, hair pressed or zhuzhed, tuxedos and pantsuits fresh from the cleaners. 

Never would she have ever gone to this place on her own, or even with friends, for it was so far out of her league. But she finally happened upon a photo of the staff; a gorgeous collection of beautiful faces who looked as delightful as the food they were paid to prepare. Ben was among them, the tallest of the bunch, but leaning against a pillar so as to offset his height a slight amount. His smile was small, and shy, but not as shy as the fact that he had placed himself near the back of the photo. She wondered if he’d put himself there on purpose. She had so many questions. 

When she had finished her grading, she checked to see that Ben had responded and given her the address, perhaps to save her having to track it down herself. She replied with the fork and knife emoji, and the cowboy just for good measure. 

With over three hours to kill, she made a small sandwich dinner to hold herself over, so she’d be very hungry, but not _starving_ , by the time she got there. She had to uphold her dignity somehow. 

Henry Golding and Emilia Clarke’s _Last Christmas_ movie had been on her list since it came out four years prior, and she finally decided to just watch it. She planned to work away at her ‘adult’ colouring book and paint her nails while she did so. 

By the time the movie finished, she’d been in tears for half an hour, and figured it was exactly the sort of release she needed to calm her wriggling nerves. She tossed her several used tissues and put on her _November Baby_ album by Christo Graham. The vinyl was pink, and with a precious photo of the artist himself, as a baby, in the center.

As she began to lay out options for what to wear, she listened to the lyrics in the titular song, and thought about the curious things that Ben carried in his broad shoulders. The way he kissed, the way his hands held her, the way his mouth gave birth to the thoughts he might have otherwise kept to himself. “ _Bra removal 101, scrunchie on the door,_ ” the song said to her. 

She decided a scrunchie was out of the question for a place like this, but figured a bra would be stellar. 

The album was short when she wasn’t sitting and solely listening to it, so she followed it with her STORRY playlist. “Fuck Me Good” had been her favourite song on the album since its release, and she’d similarly bawled her eyes out seeing the artist in concert in February, the year of the pandemic. She eventually clued in that her music choices for the evening were both settling her and riling her up for just how much fun tonight could be. 

_______________

Ben hadn’t done that many pushups since the summer. His sister had called him saying she had been wanting to cry, with a sick, sad feeling, but nothing would kick start the process. Ben recommended she start exercising more, and figured it would do him some good, as well. He also began validating her feelings and asking affirming questions like “Do you feel like crying?” and had her in tears within minutes. 

He caught his breath, easing his heart, and slowly rolled up from the floor. The amount of time he spent dressing himself was absurd, in his mind, but he supposed he had to be comfortable, functional, and presentable, all at the same time. 

Stopping by the market on his way to the restaurant, he picked out two live lobsters and took great care commuting with them to his destination in the cold, even though they were on their way to a fateful end. 

Earlier he had advised Rey to call him when she’d arrived, but he’d decided to keep the other information a surprise. 

It was easy to spot him when he passed through the kitchen, for his height and presence often transformed the atmosphere, but thankfully enough of the weekend chefs were busy that he could slip into the private kitchen area unnoticed. 

Ben tied the longest part of his hair back, tidying the space further into his own and connecting his phone to the stereo. He figured she liked jazz. _Real_ jazz. 

As he was about to boil the water and unpack the lobsters, he also took a guess and thought she might like to participate, so Ben waited. One of his best traits, and personally worst faults, was that he always arrived painfully early only when he desperately _wanted_ to be somewhere.

___________

  
  


Rey checked her phone as she emerged from the underground tunnel, searching for the direction in which she would find Ben’s restaurant. Although she knew of The Grill, she nor her friends had ever ventured anywhere near it almost in mockery of people with ridiculous amounts of money. 

But none of them had ever said ‘no’ to anyone offering them food, so Rey forged on with an open mind, and an empty stomach. 

Her heart was in her throat at the thought of seeing him again, so when she reached the discreet entrance of the building. It was under a modest awning, framed by two brass signs reading “The Pool” and “The Grill” and she wasn’t sure why those two things went together, but the doorman inside seemed to give away that she was at the right place. It was hidden so well, in an emptier, industrial part of town, but with green trees and foliage covering some of the structures. Her gaze stretched up as she realized the windows facing the street were all a part of the restaurant’s interior. 

The doorman offered her the open door, and she accepted, respectfully entering the building in her flat dress shoes and black slacks, with a pillowy white v-neck showcasing cutoff shoulders, all underneath her grey coat and scarf. Her hair was the same as the day before, but this time she curled it for a little flare. 

Once she was inside, eyes feasting upon the height of the building and the sparkling chandeliers, she called Ben. 

“I’m here.”

“ _I see you_ . _Stay there_.”

Rey looked around but saw no sign of him, until she felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Where did you come from?” She asked, finally meeting his familiar brown eyes as he offered to take her coat and effects.

“Upstairs. Come with me.” He smiled as she handed him her things. 

“There’s a bloody upstairs?” She took his free hand and followed, up a hidden staircase, through a set of doors, down a hall, and down another set of stairs, into what appeared to be an entirely empty kitchen and dining room. 

“I probably should’ve saved this for a later date, but I had a pretty big debt to pay after the other night.”

“What, have you never been treated to dinner by a girl before?”

“Actually, no. But here we are.”

Rey looked around and tried not to gape. Ben noticed her lack of words, and tried to prompt some.

“Have you ever had a lobster funeral?”

“You mean where we do the killing, the memorial, and the cremation, so to speak?”

“Ideally.”

“It’s going to be one hell of a burial,” she replied with a promising squint. 

Ben revealed a bottle of wine from his shopping bags, and Rey watched him retrieve two glasses from their upside down hanging place. “Red or white?” He asked.

“I prefer wine cold, usually, so white, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Well, they’re both cold, because they were outside,” he replied with a pleased expression, pulling another one out of the bag. 

She became quickly mesmerized with him uncorking the bottle and serving them, gently turning the bottle in his hand. “You went out of your way to buy wine? Don’t you have any here?”

“Yes, but where’s the fun in that?”

He stepped up to Rey and handed her a glass and her mouth twitched into a small smile. “Hello.”

Ben paused, tilting forward slightly as a subtle invitation for her to kiss him. “You look very pretty. That’s a great top on you.”

Rey reddened despite having sworn to prepare herself for his attention. She took the invitation and RSVP’d, as well. “Thank you. I thought you might like to see my shoulders again.”

“That’s a dangerous game.” He swirled his wine in the glass.

She supposed she must look pretty if he said so, for he looked stunning, himself, in his little half-ponytail and black crewneck with the sleeves rolled up, French tucked into the front of a pair of black jeans. They clinked glasses and she glanced down at his shoes - a pair of brown leather loafers - and now it was time to gape. 

“That ponytail is giving me naughty ideas. You look sharp, like an Italian food critic.”

“Before this life I was Natasha Lyonne in _Cabiria, Charity, Chastity_. I also take criticism well, according to everyone I've ever slept with.”

“Those are big points in indie movie cred. Have you been ‘singular’ long?”

Ben turned to look at her from where he began to lovingly fondle the bag of lobsters. “Did you think I was single?” 

She only glanced at him for a moment before catching his smirk. “Well, don’t stop there.”

Ben elaborated, “I guess there’s just been a lot of wrong people for me, but that’s fine; that’s necessary sometimes. I was wrong for those people, too. I’ve never really been one to seek out a relationship.” He left the lobsters alone for another moment before putting the water on to boil and tracking down a pair of scissors. “What about you?”

“Shit,” Rey replied casually, having another go at her wine. “I was going to ask what they were like.” 

“The partner I don’t have?”

“They sound amazing.” She approached the squirming bag.

She laughed at her own joke, and at Ben chuckling from across the room to himself. He returned with the tool for the job. “Do you want to cut or do you want to hold them?”

“What am I cutting?”

“Their antennas.”

Rey softly gasped. “I very much think not.”

“Oh, but you’re okay with boiling them alive? I’m kidding. There are rubber bands holding their claws together.”

“Okay, I’ll cut.”

They opened the bag together and Ben shrieked, startling Rey, before she figured out his master plan that seemed to be to tease her at every opportunity, but seeing him smile as he apologized was enough to settle any notions of kitchen mishaps.

“Wait,” she said before he reached in to grab one. “Have we washed our hands?”

“If you don’t know the answer to that question I don’t think you can be trusted.”

She scoffed absurdly, heading for the sink. Ben waited for her, leaning on the counter and watching her from afar - the way her left ankle curled behind the right one as she puttered away with the soap and water, the way she scrubbed her fingernails diligently, which he now noticed were painted a shiny shade of black. She turned to him, hands dripping. “Towel?”

He opened a low drawer with his foot and tossed her a clean one. “ _Now_ are you ready?” 

“I got excited about lobster when you asked about seafood yesterday, but truthfully I’ve never had it before.”

“Are you consenting to losing your lobster virginity with me tonight?”

“Have you not had it, either?”

“Once or twice, maybe. I cook them all the time, but never without a rush.”

Her cheeks warmed as their faces had gotten closer. “Well, this will be a fascinating slow death for them, won’t it?”

Ben glanced down at her lips, only for a fleeting moment. “Where have you been all my life?”

“About six years behind.”

They smiled at each other before Ben handed her the scissors, reaching in to remove the first beast. 

Rey frowned. “Oh, he’s so cute.”

Ben warned, “Do not get attached. Cut.”

Rey pouted, but it turned into a focused knit as she gently clipped the thick rubber bands from the lobster’s smooth, freckled brown claws. 

“Great job,” Ben said. “He’s still alive.” Together they submerged the poor creature in the boiling water. “Oops, not anymore,” he deadpanned. Such a range of emotions in so little expression, Rey found him fascinating to work with. They high-fived to commemorate their first success.

She felt giddy all over, the initial fear dripping off quickly. “Can I hold the next one?”

Ben had anticipated as much. “She’s all yours.”

He held the bag open for her and she bravely reached in, tensing and sort of whining as she pulled it out, feeling its wet body writhing beneath her fingers. Every instinct told her to put it down, to let it go. It was hardly what she’d expected, but it was exhilarating.

“Rey,” Ben smiled. “Do not drop it. It’s okay. It can’t do anything. Just hold it still for me.”

She nodded, bracing it more firmly with her fingers as she let Ben skillfully trim the bands away without so much as batting an eye, and it was only one of many things she’d found impressive so far. 

“This one isn’t gonna want to go in quite as eagerly as its brother, so I’m gonna need all hands on deck.”

“You have my hands.”

The pot was plenty large enough for the both crustaceans, but while Rey gently coaxed the second one inside, Ben was at the ready with the lid to make sure there wasn’t an uprising. 

Sure enough, even after they’d covered it, tensions were high as the second lobster’s tail seemed to be pushing up against the transparent lid, just enough to make it not sit right on the pot. Ben said, “Excuse me,” in an animated tone before popping it shut with a single finger, which had Rey laughing loudly as she tried to venture another sip of wine. 

“Cheers to that,” Ben said, offering his own glass towards hers. 

For several moments they leaned against the opposite counter, watching the pot silently cook their live dinner.

“Do they feel pain?” Rey asked. 

“Well, they don’t have brains, so do with that what you will.”

“How neoliberalist.”

They contemplated this for a little while longer. With her comment, Ben couldn’t keep his questions to himself any longer. 

“What was the clincher for your current state?” he asked, bringing them back to their previous discussion. “If you aren’t currently paired, I mean.”

“Oh, you know. Gaslighting and emotional abuse.” When he glanced at her, she threw up an ironic peace sign for good measure.

Ben shifted against the counter to look her in the eyes. “Well, shit, I’m sorry. I hope they know what they did and are working to correct that behaviour.”

“I am.”

Ben paused before catching her joke.

She explained, “No, in all seriousness, I wasn’t the best girlfriend any of them could’ve had, either. Didn’t know how to be honest. Just sort of slowly got consumed by my own shit because I felt they didn’t need to be bothered with it. But turns out they were the shit in the first place.” She finished her glass. “Anyway, I really appreciate you saying that. I don’t think he ever will know. If his head wasn’t so big it would be up his arse.”

“You’ve thought about that, haven’t you?”

“It’s real clever, isn’t it?” She said. He held up the bottle of wine, but she declined. “You may have to carry me out of here if I have any more,” she assured him.

“That’s kind of the idea.”

She nodded in exaggerated understanding. “Oh, I see.”

Just then, the doors burst open to reveal a shriveled but powerful looking man in an ill-fitting suit with sunken bones and flaring eyebrows, and absolutely no lips to be accounted for. In response to the way Ben straightened up and suddenly morphed into a harder, even taller version of himself, Rey involuntarily made herself smaller at the detection of a threat. 

“Solo. I’ve been looking for you.”

“You found me.” Even Ben’s voice had dropped a tone or so. 

“Someone told me you were here, but I thought it was your day off.”

“It is.” 

In her peripherals, Rey watched the nerves and muscles communicating beneath Ben’s skin around his cheeks and his jaw. The way his eyes had darkened, flashing with the flow of his blood. 

What the hell was this guy’s problem? Who _was_ this guy?

“Did you need something, Snoke?”

The older man who looked as though he should’ve died years ago just pointed a finger, and opened his mouth to say something direct, but instead turned his attention to Rey.

“And who’s this lovely little creature?”

“Wow,” Rey actually said out loud, instantly regretting it. She covered her mouth instinctively.

Ben covered for her. “This is Rey. I invited her to have dinner.”

“I’ve never been here before. It’s lovely,” Rey added, trying her best to find something _else_ to contribute. 

“She’s a piece, Solo, I hope you invited her to have a lot more than just dinner.” The man gestured incoherently, but Rey could sense it wasn’t very polite. 

“Okay, you can leave, now.” Ben set down his glass almost violently, Rey thought she heard it crack against the counter. He herded Snoke towards the door, but the slimy-looking man stopped him.

“You can’t just kick me out like this, boy, I own this place, and I own you.”

Ben had a hand on the door, waiting to kick him through it. “We can change that, old man.”

Snoke grinned, giving Ben’s face a patronizing pat with both hands, which Ben only partially managed to dodge. 

“You may have as many keys as I do, but I’m the one who can change the locks.” He turned to Rey, and every part of her screamed to look away, but part of the horror kept her eyes locked on him. “I hope for his sake you’re better in the sack than he is in a game of wits. Shouldn’t be much competition.”

Ben closed in further, his height already winning whatever game they were playing. “Do not speak to her like that.”

“Or what? You’ll _fire_ me?” The man grabbed his own groin and laughed, an awful, wretched, grating sort of laugh, but Ben managed to get him on the other side of the door, and it shut firmly behind him. Rey let out the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. Ben looked to Rey apologetically.

“I’m so sorry. That was inexcusable - ”

“Is there a working lock on that door?” 

Ben glanced down at the knob, and back to Rey. “Yeah.”

“And is that the only way in or out of here?”

“I don’t see another.”

“Are there security cameras?”

A pause as his mental elevator arrived on her proverbial floor. “Not in the broom closet.”

Her eyes were heavy, her breath lighter than a feather. “Lock that door and meet me in the broom closet.”

“What about the lobsters?”

“How long do they have left?”

“About ten minutes.”

“I’ve got a good feeling about that.”

“Why aren’t you in the broom closet yet?” 

The lock clicked loudly in her ears before his body came at her and their mouths collided. Once inside the small and surprisingly clean storage space, they let their tongues familiarize themselves with one another again, their hands grabbing and scratching and pulling hungrily before Rey quickly pressed Ben against the wall with her fingers splayed across his chest.

“Don’t think. Stop me anytime, though.”

She felt his heart thundering as she kissed his throat, bringing her body close to his and allowing him to rub against her for friction. He moaned softly into her kiss before she traced down his torso, and she brought herself to her knees to unbuckle his belt. Her mouth watered for it, for the sheer size of it, for him to get pleasure from watching it choke her, for him to use her, but all on her command. His bottoms came down and her tongue met the tip of his member, before his breath hitched and he tucked her loose hair behind her ears. 

“Rey….” he whispered, but nothing followed, and she brought him closer to the heat of her mouth as she watched his head fall back against the wall. She wanted to give him _everything,_ but they had a critical time limit. 

“I should tell you something, though.”

“What is it?”

His cock slowly slid between her wet lips and she pulsed around it, sucking gently in intervals before letting go.

She looked up and met his eyes. “I have a very slow gag reflex.”

“Fuck,” he blurted, sort of strained and candid like he knew he was already gone. 

Ben watched with open eyes just as she managed to close her mouth around the hilt of it, and it hit the back of her throat by pure luck. He felt her reflex and was silently astonished at her perseverance. She reared back and began working him smoothly, one of her hands giving attention to his balls and the other guiding his fingers into her hair. 

_G-d_ , he let himself be consumed by the way she so naturally blended the pressure of her tongue and lips with a growing pattern, and allowed him to guide her on the search for speed. Rey further drooled over the way his eyelids fell closed and his brow furrowed in inevitable concentration while she wordlessly asked for him to work her head down on his cock.

His ears swooned with the sounds of her moaning, how her fingers now clung to his hips, pulling him closer.

How she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, her lips pink and shimmering with her own spit as they glistened along his thick shaft and she vibrated with every ravishing little sound. 

Rey shivered at the growl that boiled in Ben’s chest, his jaw clenching as he brushed his own hair out of his eyes, quickly unravelling with each pump of her mouth, each flattening of her tongue. 

“My G-d, that’s….”

Rey took his encouragement and sped it along. The timer in Ben’s brain would’ve been inching towards the unattended kitchen, but it was under control when they’d left it, so he’d thought of nothing but her sucking him off since she put the idea in his head. He’d always been good at putting thoughts into words, but as he felt her squeeze and twist and get closer to finishing him, he saw only stars. 

He gripped her hair more firmly with both hands and he felt her stamina further kicking in as his thoughts were communicated. She whined, her eyebrows joining in another irresistible pout, and Ben could no longer look away from those gorgeous teary silver eyes.

“Sh - shit, Rey, just like that, I’m right there.” How it took everything in him just to utter those words caught them both by surprise. 

Ben saw the need in Rey’s expression, her hunger for him, matched only by his own. He held his breath when she brought her hand to the hilt and sent him firmly spiralling over the edge. 

“G-d almighty,” he cried out as Rey took him as far as he would go, and he felt her contracting around him as he came deep in her throat. 

She pulsed around his cock with a pleased hum and he stuttered a breath. Her hands and lips worked him down slowly, her head swarming with his sweet sounds and the feeling of his fingers in her hair.

Only when she felt him softening did she released him smoothly, meeting his eyes again. Ben helped her up from her knees, wiping the cold tears from her cheeks while she dried her mouth politely with her knuckles.

She kissed him softly. “Thank you.”

Ben still shuddered in the aftershocks. “For what?”

“For obviously being the more intelligent in a game of wits.”

“He had the last word. He usually does.”

Rey shook her head, helping him refasten his pants. “Men like him are on their way out. He’ll get what he deserves, so I thought I’d give you something, too. Also to thank you for bringing me here on your night off and so thoughtfully feeding me.”

His hands clasped loosely around the small of her back. “It’s a pleasure. Thank you. You just blew my mind.”

"Don't let it go to my head." She smiled, though blushing. "Is your name really Ben Solo?"

"Except for my shortlived emo phase where I refused to answer to that, yes."

"High school?"

"No, that was just last week."

She laughed with abandon, and Ben couldn't help but smile.

He kissed her again, slowly, and Rey’s ears detected the music in the kitchen, a little louder this time. “Are you playing Wardell Grey?” she asked.

“Yeah. I had to find the best way to see what kind of rock you lived under, but didn’t want to be too obvious about it.”

“Oh, it’s just an obscenely cool, moderately ‘woke’, dangerously empathic rock.”

“That real estate is to-die-for.”

The timer went off, which Ben had slipped into his back pocket. They emerged from the broom closet to find that the kitchen hadn’t disintegrated or burned down, and when they reached the lobsters, they were a bright, burning shade of red.

Ben put a hand over his heart. “Dear Lord, we give you these lobsters.”

“Try not to piss them off,” Rey added, completing the line, and achieving a giggle from Ben. 

Until something clicked. “Shit.”

“What?”

Ben covered his face. “We neglected to make literally everything else.”


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinnertime, in between, and dessert, as requested. <3

“Fuck. I wasn’t even thinking about that.”

“I know, I was just so excited to do the lobsters with you,” Ben replied.

“Well, can we eat them by themselves?”

“We could, but it’ll get kind of tiring after a few minutes.” A moment. “I’ve got an idea.”

“Excellent. I don’t.”

“It’s almost ten, everybody should be cleaning up downstairs. I have extras from the catering we did last night that never got sent out.” He turned off the element and took Rey’s hand. “Follow me.”

“Yes, Chef.”

“Don’t do that. I’ll start getting erections at work,” he warned half-seriously as he led her back down the hall and down the stairs. It was while they were walking that she noticed some of the scars he’d mentioned the other night, buried pink and deep in his forearms and fingers, sort of shimmery in this lighting. Now didn’t seem the right time. 

Heading into a small office just off of the main kitchen, Ben handed Rey a hairnet. “Put this on.”

Her eyes widened. “Don’t mind if I do.”

He donned a small black chef’s beanie and posed. “Ta-da.”

“Who do I have to shag to get one of those?”

Ben ducked to check the Snoke-sized mirror to tuck his extra hair under the cap, glancing at her reflection. “Me.”

Rey shrugged. “Well, see, I did that.”

He passed her through the door and paused with a sympathetic look. “Then Snoke would probably be next.”

Rey let out a thick sarcastic laugh before following him into the kitchen. The room was bustling, but only with the sounds of dishes and footsteps, and the occasional dialogue between chefs. It was closing time, but even now Rey could feel the adrenaline and energy and heat that filled the room and made the job what it must’ve been: exhausting and rewarding. 

Ben leaned down to quickly mutter in her ear, “Don’t touch anything. I know where your hands have been.”

She blushed furiously as he winked before heading to the walk-in fridge. Some of the cooks looked up when they noticed Ben, and even more so noticed Rey, the much shorter stranger who appeared to hide behind their head chef when he’d entered the room.

“Hi everyone,” Ben said, sanitizing his hands before opening the door. 

Rey imagined it was nearly everyone who answered back, cheerfully despite their evident tiredness from being on their feet for so many hours. The awkward glances gave her the motivation to introduce herself.

“I’m the health inspector,” Rey addressed them once Ben had disappeared. A few of them stared at her like deer in headlights before she quickly corrected the situation. “I’m kidding, I’m just a friend. Keep up the good work. Thank you for your service.”

They all seemed to smile at her, though, and she took that as a good sign. She twiddled her thumbs until Ben returned with two tray containers of unidentifiable whatever that she could already tell were going to be spectacular. 

She watched Ben check in with who had to be the sous-chef - a woman that carried the wisdom of at least twenty more years than Ben, with a sleek black braid down her back beneath a similar beanie and the face of someone who never failed to make things happen. Rey could sense her fierce presence in the kitchen, perhaps by the two steak knives she carried on her way to the sink and her differently coloured uniform. She and Ben smiled at each other like old friends, and as Ben turned to leave, the woman’s eyes found Rey. She nodded at her.

Rey offered to take one of the trays, and Ben passed it to her. They said goodnight to the rest of the staff and headed back up the stairs.

“Do me a favour?”

“Hm?”

“We can take these off now.”

He tilted his head down towards her and she obligingly removed his beanie, as well as her own hairnet.

“Who was that?” She asked.

“Who I was just talking to? That’s Fennec. She’s gonna take over this place.”

“I believe it.”

“She’s the best chef I’ve ever known, but I’m waiting for her to buy Snoke and Phasma out. Which will happen, I guarantee it.”

He seemed rather weightless about it all, and rather excited for Fennec. It was contagious.

“Do you love what you do?” Rey asked as she opened the door for the two of them.

“Yeah, it’s what I’m good at.”

“But do you _love_ it?”

He set his tray down on the counter once they were back in the upstairs kitchen. “You know, no one’s ever asked me that before. No one I know personally.” The lids of the two trays were next to come off, to reveal well-seasoned roasted potatoes and a mix of grilled vegetables. “But I do.”

Rey looked up at him, scanning quickly a man with fathoms of depth to his soul unseen. “I’m glad I asked.”

“I hope you’re hungry.”

It had been hours since she’d eaten, with an invigorating blowjob somewhere in the middle. “You don’t ever have to hope for that,” she replied assuredly.

“I know.” He bent down, kissing her chastely with a smile. 

Together they re-heated - by _any_ means other than a microwave - the rest of the food he’d prepared ahead of time, and served the lobsters that had been patiently sitting in their deathbed of hot water after being cooked to perfection. They melted the butter for the finishing touches and Rey was just about ready to pass out from how good everything smelled. 

“What did you do all day?” She asked once they were seated and she was about three minutes deep in her lobster after only thirty seconds. 

Ben watched her attacking her dinner so passionately as he ate his own. “A whole lot of nothing. Cleaned my house a bit. I don’t really own a lot of things besides kitchen stuff and clothes, some books, so my packing is mostly done.”

“I’m sure your current place will make someone very happy.”

“As long as they’re not someone else like me. I can’t believe how long I’ve stayed there. The amount of money that’s gone to waste….”

“You’re a new person every day. You recognize it’s a good decision to move for multiple reasons, and that’s more than I can say for many in your position.” Her eating had slowed for the purpose of conversation. “Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the right thing.”

Ben couldn’t deny that he was liking her more and more with every satisfying pick inside the lobster claw, and with every thoughtful perspective she had on humanity. “I appreciate you saying those things. I don’t know a lot of other people who know how to.” He took the pick they shared to dig out a more substantial part of his lobster. “Tell me what you did.”

She glanced over at him, already lost again in her crustacean. “When?”

Ben’s eyes smiled. “All day.”

“Oh!” She remembered. “I watched that _Last Christmas_ movie. Henry Golding and Emilia Clarke. Boy, I was in tears in the middle and by the end, I had to stop it just to catch my breath.”

“I love movies like that.”

“There were some things I found frustrating, like in the writing: there were so many moments between the leads where the guy makes a face or moves from one place to the next abruptly or does a silly dance and the girl is somehow perplexed and says things like ‘haha you’re so weird’. I’m sitting there watching this and thinking, ‘gosh, if she thinks _that’s_ weird, then what the hell is wrong with this picture?’ That sort of thing just messes with me. But the rest of the film had a wonderful message and an unpredictable sort of twist, as well as some lines that I’d actually never heard before in a romantic comedy.”

“Did it make you laugh at all?”

“Yeah, it did, actually. A few times. It was just sweet and lovely and fresher than I expected it to be. And thoughtful. The main character had a heart transplant and it focuses on her dealing with how ‘sick’ she still feels after a year.”

Ben had stopped eating and was listening to her attentively. “Did you ever see that video essay explaining the ‘sick girl’ trope?”

“No, I don’t think I did! I’m curious now, though.”

“It talks about _Love Story_ and how it was doomed to have so many lesser and further romanticized takeoffs that often fetishize terminal illness, and rarely even depict it authentically. The sick girl’s situation is mostly used to inspire the man, her love interest, or whomever. She motivates him to keep on living his life because life’s too short and because she’s dying and she exists as nothing other than a surreal, angelic figure. Which is garbage, honestly. But there’s this one moment where they describe the character trope as often being ‘unusual’, but the shot they use to highlight that is just the lead doing a handstand.”

Rey’s laugh burst through her. “G-d, who comes up with that? Do they not know what real people are like?”

Ben continued giggling before he explained, “Some of them actually get it right, like the ones that actually focus on the girl’s authentic deterioration and depression, or sometimes even her recovery and reintegration back into a sense of ‘normalcy’, according to societal expectations. But I just thought of that when you mentioned the ‘sick’ thing. And the ‘weird’ thing I guess. It can be kind of patronizing, can’t it?”

Rey’s plate was nearly empty, but for once, something was far more interesting than finishing her dinner. “You know, everything is weird to at least one person. Every _single_ person thinks _something_ is weird. A lot of us have that thing in common, but then there’s the other stuff. So naturally, everything is weird. But when did that become a remarkable thing?”

Ben regarded her features, her softening expression fuelled by genuine curiousity. “I really like this conversation.”

She sat back slightly, now taking note of her leftovers while taking in the interest in Ben’s eyes. “Me too. And you really came through on the rest of this.” She paused for a moment, almost reflecting on the food itself. “It tasted kind of like some kind of comforting space that’s _yours_ and yours alone. That’s always been yours.”

Ben read into the wording until he remembered that she’d never really had anything like that until she lived on her own.

But as he opened his mouth to broach the subject lightly, Rey gestured to his plate. “Are you gonna finish that?”

Accepting to save it for another time, he wiped his face with his napkin and passed his leftovers over to her.

The improvising solos played in the background as Rey let him watch her pick apart every last bit of the lobster shells, prouder than ever that she’d had a part in making them edible. She finished off what was left of both of their plates, and sat back happily with a sigh.

Ben took their dishes to the sink. “Should I take you for a walk?”

“Woof,” she replied.

“That settles that.”

Rey smiled to herself in what felt like a dreamland of disbelief and pillows of jaw-dropping certainty. 

They helped each other return the kitchen to the way Ben found it, and put the rest of the leftovers downstairs on their way out. Everyone had gone home, the main room was clean, and the lights were off. The city outside was busy once they got to a main street, a Saturday night after eleven, and Rey stayed close to Ben’s tall, warm figure as they nestled further inside their winter coats. 

She found some drops of courage from the wine she’d consumed hours before, or perhaps just the biting chill on her face from the cold. “When someone links arms with you, do you leave your arm sort of limp and frozen or do you actually link back?”

“I’d be an ass if I left it sort of limp and frozen.”

“Well, I understand some people just don’t like doing it, I guess. But it’s always a little disappointing when you get that wordless response, and then you’re like, ‘okay, I guess I’ll go fuck myself’ and you’re the one who has to let go so it doesn’t get awkward.”

Ben shoved his hands in his pockets, a giggly smile working its way onto his face. “Is this your thought process to prepare yourself?”

Rey kept her eyes low, almost ironically. “If you’re offering.”

He looked away sharply. “Obviously not. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment.” He straightened up, taking in the lights of the city beyond as the two of them kept walking cheerfully. 

But by the time they reached the crosswalk on the corner, their arms were interlocked as securely as either of them had ever felt, without a single word between them. 

  
  


_____________

  
  
  


“Has the aphrodisiac part kicked in for you, yet?” Rey asked, as they reached the metaphorical fork in the road that separated the directions of their respective apartments. 

“I’m always horny after I eat fish, if that’s what you mean,” Ben replied, the cloud formed by his breath dissolving before their eyes.

“I guess that is what I mean. Antoni should’ve prepared me better for this.”

“Come to mine.”

“And watch _Queer Eye_?”

“Or have sex.”

“Well, I think we know the obvious choice,” Rey said as they linked arms again and headed down the street towards Ben’s building.

__________

  
  


Half an hour later they were in Ben’s kitchen making an Antoni Porowski-inspired dessert, for their walk had worn off the initial bloating that came with dinner, and Ben insisted they hadn’t properly celebrated Rey’s birthday.

He sang a version of “Happy Birthday” but with only the word “birthday” each time it occurred, and Rey marvelled at its haunting and uncomfortable sound, and his charming voice. She blew out the three candles he’d chosen and she kissed him in veracious gratitude.

“Who do you think is the best in bed out of the Five?” Rey asked a little while later, cleaning the marble birthday cake from her fork between her lips as they now lounged on Ben’s bed, still fully clothed. For _Queer Eye_ did, in fact, come before sex. And would likely come after, as well. 

Ben hummed as he devoured his piece. “Easy. Tan France is a prissy little queen; he says so himself. He knows _everything_ there is to know about sex, and whatever he doesn’t know, he gets it right the first time trying.”

“Ibid.”

“I think Antoni’s next, but I’m required to say that because he’s a chef and I’m a narcissist.”

The two of them laughed as they nearly finished their cake. 

“In all seriousness, he and Karamo are tied I think,” Ben continued thoughtfully. “But Antoni would keep up some humour, and Karamo has a way in with the emotional side.”

“Like how to make someone cry after an earth-shattering orgasm?”

“Just a typical Monday for Karamo Brown,” Ben said, sighing exaggeratedly before sucking off his own fork.

“I think Jonathan and Bobby are just so loving and playful. With them it would be whatever you want it to be and there would probably be roleplaying.”

“Tan _definitely_ owns a whip,” Ben added.

“Oh, that’s canon,” Rey agreed.

“And Antoni has been in fuzzy handcuffs.”

“Karamo would lick every inch of his lovers.”

“He has a very long and lubricated tongue.” Ben.

“Bobby never has sex without scented candles.” Rey. 

“And always changes the sheets before and after.”

Rey’s brain hurt from laughing and from imagining every possible scenario. “Jonathan _adores_ getting his hair pulled and kisses like it’s the most sacred language in the universe.” She got comfortable as she put their empty plates on the bedside table and stretched out on her side. “You know, the amount of _Queer Eye_ fanfiction surprised even me.”

“No way,” Ben said.

“It’s mostly about Antoni. Don’t get cocky.”

Ben lay on his back, eyes like magnets to the ceiling. “My dad used to say that to me. Haven’t heard it in a while.”

“Are you close with your dad?”

“Not really. But it’s complicated. I’m not really close with my mom, either, anymore. But she’s definitely the easier one to talk to.”

“What’s her name?”

The word came from his mouth like a fresh sentence of its own, with the love and respect of a son behind it. “Leia.”

“She sounds like a princess and an army general at the same time.”

“She pulls them both off, too.” He turned his head to look at her. “Did you have any information on your parents growing up?”

Rey sighed. “Nothing. No locket or letter for me. But I’m so thankful to have been dropped where I was.”

“Do you ever think about what their names were?”

“Probably something cute, like their initials matched or they had the same amount of letters. I suppose I’ll do a DNA test someday.”

“You’ve never done it?”

“I’ve honestly been scared to. I had the opportunity before I left London, but I chickened out and then my life exploded into being busy for the first time. And even during the pandemic, I just avoided it at all costs.”

“Do you still feel scared about it?”

“Not so much anymore, now it’s timing, I guess.”

“Sounds like you’re still putting it off.”

“Tell you what, for my new year’s resolution, I’ll do a DNA test, if _you_ eventually tell me what Ben is short for.”

Ben swallowed, and Rey watched his Adam’s apple bobbing in the lamplight. “We’ll make it an event.”

“Date night.” She took his fingers gently between hers. “Are these the scars you were telling me about?”

He sat up on his side and examined them all with her. Ancient burns from hours in the kitchen. “I used to have a big one over my shoulder from a piece of sheet metal hurtling itself through the wind. That one finally healed a little over a year ago. Not quite as interesting as sign language but they’re fun to look at.”

“They’re perfectly interesting.” She averted her gaze to him. “Thanks for tonight,” she said softly, meeting his eyes. “For celebrating with me.”

“Thank you for letting me do it.”

“Are you still lobster horny?”

The gears shifted again. “If you ask nicely.”

“Pardon me.” Rey cleared her throat. “Please, daddy, could you find it in you to fuck the living daylights out of me again?”

The look on Ben’s face was enough. “You really had me at ‘please’.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for reading!!! I'm so proud I can do this for you. More soon xoxo


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> that smut you've been waiting for since chapter nine, plus the rest of a lovely night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cue the marriage story gifs

Their clothes came off only after several minutes of rudimentary rubbing and stroking, feverish kissing and fondling, until the pressure of another impending climax seemed too imminent to tease themselves over any longer. Rey asked for him to take her, head nearly hanging off the foot of the bed as they fucked naked, and slowly, on top of his cotton duvet, his cock filling her, hitting deeper places inside her each time, his mouth hot on her neck and one of her legs hooked behind his thigh. Ben hadn’t before had such hungry hands on his ass, but his body echoed with shivers as Rey caressed every inch of his skin she could reach. 

His body rubbed against her clit with every thrust, their fingers finding each other and clasping tightly against the mattress as their eyes met, in the presence of a moonlight glow. 

Ben’s voice dropped to nearly a whisper. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your body since the other night. Thinking about you.”

When Rey let out a tender, sweetened whine in response, silenced by the expansion from his cock, his free hand snaked around the back of her neck to support her head and they locked into one another’s senses. She ran her fingernails through his thick, uncut hair. “After all the times in the last two days I didn’t touch myself, I’m gonna come so hard for you.”

“Yeah?” He teased, thrusting hard enough to have her arch off the bed, seeing the veins at her throat straining with only a soft little cry. “You’d better be nice and loud,” he said.

Her eyes darkened as she fell back, winded already, her inner walls contracting around his shaft and he stuttered out a breath in response. “How can I be quiet when your cock feels like this?”

Ben smirked, his breathtaking wolf teeth flashing in the warm blue as he changed rhythms slightly to elicit a new reaction from her. “Like what?”

She closed her eyes as though calling to mind exactly the right words, but when she opened them again they were relaxed, and sober as anything he’d ever seen. “Like a beast,” she said softly, running her tongue over his mouth. “Rock hard. Huge.”

With their faces close, he replied, “That’s just what you’re doing to me.” He sucked at her bottom lip between his teeth to tease her, before Rey tightened her jaw and he began fucking her into the mattress just as she’d hoped he would do.

“Oh, don’t stop, Ben,” she cried out, one hand clenched in his own and the other making a fist in his hair. “I want to hear you.”

Ben groaned at the feeling, at _every_ feeling of her beneath him and around him, the way she relinquished control of her body, trusted him with that, mind and spirit. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever felt, Rey, fuck.”

Rey moaned high and breathy as he pressed their hands further into the bed. “That’s it, Ben, just like that, fuck me...fuck me….”

He tugged back on her hair as he watched her begin to fall apart. “You’re so pretty when you get all hot like this, you know that?”

She nodded up at him desperately, arms locked in with his as she looked down to see his cock pumping in and out of her slick core, seeing the way Ben’s eyes became ravenous at the sight of her breasts bouncing with each slam of his hips. She brushed his hair out of his eyes, holding his face in her hands as she asked, “You’re gonna come hard and loud for me, right baby?”

Ben made her tight, eroding orgasm happen almost on cue before railing her into the soft oblivion of his bed, and helped her ride it out until he was on the verge. Rey praised him with her entire body as his cum filled her, hot and thick, and his broad shoulders pressed forward to bury his face in her neck as their sounds spoke of sacred, invisible pleasure.

Their bodies remained one until their heartbeats became two again, and they embraced one another in satisfied, precious kisses for a set of slow minutes. They rolled over, Rey laced her legs with his, her head against the firm pillow of his chest as they closed their eyes and actively could not think of a place that either of them would rather be.

  
  
  


______________

  
  
  


Before bed, their conversation picked up once again but Ben wanted to take a shower. At first Rey figured she’d just keep him company, politely declining his invitation, but as she sat on the edge of the separate bathtub watching him from a few feet away, she sort of wished she’d accepted. His bathrobe was still too big for her. 

He looked even taller from here. His hair was covered in the shampoo foam almost instantly due to the size of his hands, and she watched as he let the water run hot over his face. When he wiped his eyes he checked on her, and she gave him a small smile in response. What she couldn’t have predicted, however, was him opening the transparent door and poking his head out. “I know you want to get in here.”

She said nothing, only brightened excitedly, as she quickly stripped the robe and he helped her into the shower. 

He absorbed most of the water given his closer proximity to the source, and Rey simply waited her turn, knowing that if she were going to be picky about water-hogging, she could’ve taken a shower first. 

As she waited, standing facing him, he took some of the bubbles from his hair and carefully constructed a wizard’s beard on her chin, mustache included. 

“This is the only reason you wanted me in here, isn’t it?” She stifled a grin to keep the soap in place.

“Stop moving.”

For about three seconds, she did. “Do you have seasonal facial hair?”

He straightened up to examine his work. “It’s usually a new year thing for me. And now you do too.”

“Give us a kiss,” she said in a troll-like tone, puckering her lips. 

His attentive kisses continued to startle her, only ever expecting a small peck or its variations, but even when Ben kissed her like that, it was as passionate as anything involving their tongues. He followed it with a dead-stare _pffthpfthfpth_ to evacuate the leftover bubbles from his mouth, which made Rey laugh, and filled Ben with a warmth that had nothing to do with the hot water. 

When they’d both been through the rinse cycle, he picked her up all slippery and wet and carried her safely onto the bathmat outside. Before she could speak, he wrapped her in one of his massive towels, so she kissed him again before offering a proposal.

“The Christmas Concert and Art Showcase is happening at my school on Thursday, if you’d be interested in coming with me.”

Ben’s heart momentarily stopped, but recovered. “Like as your date?”

“As whatever you’d like to be,” she assured him, sort of trying to cover whatever tracks she might have left that implied anything was moving faster than either of them might like it to. Although it seemed that wasn’t a concern. “I’d love the company. _Your_ company.” 

He hid his swooning as he watched her rub an itch from her nose. 

“Well, I’d love to go, but only if I won’t be a distraction.” The tender smile in his cheeks was enough to bring anyone to their knees, whether or not they were wrapped in a three-pound wet towel.

“I don’t have to do anything, I just stand around and make sure nobody steals the paintings. Talk to the occasional parent.” She coiled her hair to dry.

“Should I bring something?”

He seemed to be far more prepared for the conversation than she was. “There’s a bake sale, so if you felt inclined, they would welcome whatever you had. You might get a lot of attention from the WASP moms, though.”

“I’m good at upstaging WASP moms. But I’ll step up my game.”

“They’ll be all over you if you’re wearing anything more than khakis and a sweater vest.”

He smirked, peering down at her and roaming over the natural details of her face, watching her cheeks turn pink. “What colour will you be wearing?”

“Probably burgundy and black.”

“What time should I be there?”

“I’ll be staying after school to help the kids set up, so you could probably arrive at around seven-fifteen?”

“I’m excited. I haven’t been to one of those since I was in school,” he said as they headed back into the bedroom.

“Were you in the show?”

“I was. Jazz Band.”

“No way. What did you play?”

“Guess.”

She removed the second towel from her head and exposed her naked body to the bedroom air as she crawled into bed. It’s memory-foam-ness stopped after about half an inch, floating above a firmer cushion of mattress that Rey would’ve taken naps on at the stores in London.

“Sax? Guitar? Drums. Piano. Bass.” Now she was too fascinated to guess. 

Ben shook his head.

She tried again. “Trumpet?” 

He approved as he lifted the covers further up over them, and sighed. “My sister and I like to say I learned how to blow at an early age.” Rey had a fit of giggles on her side while Ben rolled over to face her. “What do you teach?”

She brushed her finger down the slope of his nose. “Visual Art.”

“What made you want to do that?”

“I hate telling people this, but painting was one of the only things that really got me through living with waves of inconsistent people for sixteen years, and selling my paintings helped immensely. I suppose I played the piano a bit, too. But I find there’s no such thing as a bad painter, while there definitely is such a thing as a bad pianist. So I picked the one I had the patience for.”

“Do you miss playing?”

“I do. Trying to acquire and move a piano into a one-bedroom in New York City has been near-impossible for me. I play the one at school, sometimes, but it’s sort of janky. Kids aren't happy when the instrument just doesn't do its job anymore. And it's not even a question of money, the school just has higher priorities. I've been hoping to convince the principal for the last year or so.”

Ben was quiet as their hands came together. “What will you play first when you finally have your own?”

He couldn’t help but smile as the gears turned in her head, trying to think of a tune.

“Probably the _Curb Your Enthusiasm_ theme song _._ ”

Ben’s blank stare only lasted a moment before Rey watched him hear it in his head, and the two of them burst out laughing. 

Like two pre-teens still riding a sugar high at a sleepover, sleep didn’t come without relentless giggling, which turned into sloppy aroused tongues, and eventually into hands on naked bodies clinging as though the dream would quiver and dissolve at first light. 

They slept in one another’s arms, in a nest of Ben’s pillows as the night gently cradled them, and entirely unconsciously took turns as Big Spoon until the dawn broke through the crack between Ben’s dark curtains. 

After sleeping in, it was Rey who made breakfast this time, and they shared several Sunday morning kisses before she headed home to prepare herself for another week of school, and Ben for a week of apartment finalization, paperwork, and the simple task of renting one moving truck. 

Thursday couldn’t come soon enough.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fennec and Ben bond at work. The Christmas Concert and Art Showcase proves itself ideal for explorations of intimacy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch me out here squealing as I write this

Fennec appeared in the doorway of the office where Ben was perched on a stool, ten-minutes deep into a phone conversation with his landlord on his two o’clock break. He’d punched in before opening at nine that morning to prepare catering orders and to compensate for his departure at four-thirty. He saw his co-worker and promptly brought the call to a close. “I’m gonna have to call you back.”

The sous-chef removed her cap and took the empty seat where Snoke usually sat, putting her feet up on his desk.

“You want to get fired?” Ben asked half-jokingly, putting his phone back in his pocket. 

Fennec was unfazed. “I’d like to see them try.”

Ben was about to reply, but jumped up to check if Snoke was nearby before continuing. “Snoke’s balls are so shrivelled at this point he legally can’t follow through on any of his usual threats.”

“Snoke has never had any balls.” She began skimming over the papers on the desk. 

“Oh, right, I forgot,” he said, sitting back down. “Phasma has them bolted to the back of her car.”

“Personally I would’ve chosen the rearview mirror.”

“They certainly wouldn’t be in the way.”

Fennec chuckled, folding her hands in her lap. “I’m gonna buy them out.”

Ben acknowledged his longtime expectation. “And I’ll be at your disposal.”

“I’m serious, Ben. We’ve sniffed out their shit. They’re complete frauds.”

“So am I.”

“You’re a complete fraud?”

“I’m serious.”

She scowled at him good-naturedly in favour of his relentless wit, which reminded her more and more of herself even after only a year. 

He got to his feet to make a point. “You’re the best in the kitchen, you’re the best with people, and I know you want to make this place the best it can be. I think you deserve to be recognized for that.”

She regarded him for a few moments before seemingly drawing a conclusion and changed the subject. “Are you seeing that girl you brought in here the other night?”

“Rey?”

“Sure, if that’s her name.”

The sleeping caterpillars that usually occupied Ben’s stomach quickly turned into butterflies at the thought of her. “We saw a lot of each other over the weekend, and I’ll be seeing her tonight.”

“It looks like she’s seeing you.”

Ben didn’t need an explanation, for Fennec was notorious for her understanding of women, and even more so her understanding of relationships. She and Cara had been married for eighteen years, nearly half his life, and were the only other married couple he knew besides his own parents. 

“How is Cara?”

Fennec’s eyes brightened. “She’s hot on Snoke’s trail. I prompted her to look into the history of the restaurant and now she’s got no free time. Instantly hooked. Thankfully she’s putting her other cases first, but it’s nice to come home to my wife working on dismantling the patriarchy.”

“And that’s why you’re really in charge, here.”

“You’re cute. You can stay.”

Fennec had only been working there a year as sous-chef, but she and Ben had become close enough that he knew it was just a cover. Now she planned to skip right over him, expose the underbelly of the operation with Cara’s legal help, and transform the place as owner. He’d never been more excited to watch her shine, or more honoured to step aside. 

They heard a door opening down the hall, followed by heavy, grumpy footsteps alongside a pair of indulgent heels.

Fennec and Ben scrambled to their feet, all big talk about getting fired and having no fear of their superiors dissipating like the flick of a lightswitch. Ben donned his uniform and cap as fast as he’d ever done, and as Fennec left the desk, she gently knocked over the pencil holder for good measure. Like a cat just testing the room. 

They shared a low-five and a head nod before exiting the office, only to be met with their bosses in the doorway. 

Ben saluted them. “Boss. Boss.”

Fennec went so far as to adjust Snoke’s collar. “Aren’t you looking especially handsome today?” She said in almost patronizing baby-talk. Ben had to hide his smirk in his collar. 

But given that Snoke didn’t believe anything other than heterosexuals to exist, the ancient boss let himself be dragged along with Fennec’s sardonic flirting. Phasma rolled her eyes before Fennec gave her a once over, which she clearly despised. 

“Looking sharp, Phasma. Are those endangered?” Fennec said candidly, glancing down at Phasma’s alligator heels before following Ben through the door he’d been holding for her. They shared a look that perhaps was the only thing that got them through the gruelling part of serving wealthy vegans and splurging tourists gearing up for another winter holiday in New York.

A look that always said it was nice to be seen.

____________

  
  


Ben cleaned his last pot and surveyed the area. He helped the catering staff load the van and said goodbye to Fennec, whose shift overlapped with his until closing. Given that they filled in for one another regularly, it was rare that they’d gotten to work together a couple hours. It erased the usual fatigue he might’ve felt near the end of his shift. Perhaps it was also tied with the thought of the woman that would be waiting for him after the clock struck seven, dressed in two of his favourite colours. 

“You’re not going dressed like that?” Fennec asked, following him to the office as he shed his work garb. 

“I thought about disguising myself as a caterer, but I figured I’d be a little out of place at a charity bake sale.”

“You’d fit right in if you brought your trumpet along.”

He stood upright and sighed in defeat. “I can’t compete when you play me off with the world’s smallest violin.” His coat went on. “Thank you for closing tonight.”

“You worked your ass off all week while I was off. Cara doesn’t finish work until eleven anyway.”

“Tell her I love her,” he said sweetly as he pulled an apple from his pocket and sunk his teeth into it to have both his hands free, checking for his effects. 

“Go, before I bolt your balls to the back of my car.”

“Not your rearview mirror?”

Fennec flicked a piece of dryer lint in his direction. “Well then I wouldn’t be able to see anything.”

The two friends smiled at each other before Ben took his night off with him and practically ran.

  
  


_____________

  
  


A few of Rey’s older students stopped by her classroom after hours to play for her their solos for the concert: one French horn, one soprano sax, and one trumpet with a characteristic mute. It was a treasure she wouldn’t soon forget, and she even more so looked forward to them getting to play for a real audience. 

Over an hour was spent decorating the auditorium for the holiday theme, and another helping organize the parents bringing in their contributions to the bake sale just a little too early. The work of the art class was laid out, each painting propped up on its own easel. Their poetry pieces had worked brilliantly, each canvas covered in a unique style, telling the stories of unique people that meant something to each student. Rey was in no way surprised, but always impressed and pleased with the art they created when the limits of perfectionism and realism were broken down.

Some of the teachers took turns eating their dinner in the lounge, but Rey enjoyed far too much spending every spare minute she could in her classroom with the door open.

Sometimes this involved deep and lively conversations about things that bothered the average 11-year-old, but more often than not, they would sit in silence together, simply giving both of them the opportunity to maybe not feel so alone. 

It was already quarter-to-seven by the time she’d finished her dinner, and her stomach shrunk at the thought of seeing Ben again. Four whole days was entirely too much to go without for how many hours they’d managed to squeeze into one weekend. 

Grabbing her purse from her locker in the lounge, she snuck upstairs for a moment alone with herself. In the bathroom, she suddenly was back in public school again, counting down the minutes until she’d be breathing the same air as her crush, which morphed into the memories of getting ready with Finn where sometimes it felt like everything was weighted on the sheer bliss of having someone waiting for you at a party. She’d been privy to witnessing that blossom into something real and loving with her friends, and now she felt she was both regressing into her youth and evolving into an entirely new form of personhood. 

She changed into her burgundy dress, which followed the shape of her body down to her knees, where it split a few inches up the thigh. The sleeves were black and transparent with an open shape around the collar. The waist was tapered with patches of the same lining and she covered it with a small black blazer. Her flats came off happily and she danced around the room to prepare her toes for the heeled ankle boots she was about to slip on. 

After touching up her makeup and hair, which was half down as it had been their first morning together, she checked her phone.

**Ben:** On my way. Tunnel shortly. Made donut-hole cupcakes, Lucky Charm bars, and vegan strawberry cheesecake.

**Rey:** Sorry, had to mop up my drool

**Rey:** When did you have time to do that?! 

**Ben:** I work in a kitchen all day.

**Rey:** Whoa!

Before Ben descended the tunnel stairs, he had a moment with her text to appreciate the level of vivacious, exaggerated absurdity that came with her groundedness, that he’d wondered if he’d ever find in another person. One that seemed to match whatever his own humour had grown to be and did it in a way that caused him to do things like stop in his tracks.

After giggling by herself inappropriately, Rey waited a much more appropriate amount of time for him to get through the no-service-zone underground, sort of walking around aimlessly, doing figure eights between the paintings, heart pounding in anticipation. She kept glancing at the propped-open double doors when her phone didn’t vibrate again. 

As she stood pleasantly nodding and smiling for the next several minutes, a parent approached her about when the music would begin. After informing him they were only fifteen minutes away from starting, that had her checking her watch, now, too. 

The parent thanked her and meandered over to find a seat. Just as she thought to herself that saving two seats would’ve been good planning on her part, she felt a hand brush at her forearm. Preparing for a child under the age of twelve, her brain went into protector mode, but was quickly softened when she found Ben standing there.

“Hi!” She said, a little too excitedly, although the fashion of his arrival was a little unexpected. “I was watching for you; when did you get here?”

“Hi.” Ben smiled, bending down to kiss her cheek, right where the brightest shade of pink seemed to blossom. “I came in a few minutes ago and dropped off the plates. I really like you in this outfit.”

“Thank you,” she replied, unable to stop herself from taking in how well his suit seemed to fit him. A charcoal grey jacket and pants complimented the black shirt he had on underneath, all met with a striking burgundy rose in his lapel. “You look gorgeous. Effortless.”

“Thanks.” He beamed. “I think I spent more time dressing myself than I did in the kitchen.”

“I’m confident that logistically the quality of your baking wasn’t diminished,” she replied, slipping the silvery fabric of his jacket absently between two of her fingers before gesturing over to the table where several tightly clenched mothers had been huddled together sneaking rather obvious glances at Ben.

But he only briefly looked before turning back to Rey, liking their closeness and couldn’t stop himself from catching the slit of the dress at her thigh or the dark transparent material around her waist. He flashed his teeth in a contented, shy smile. “How was your day?”

“Oh, it was busy, but we got all of our final projects done and my student going on vacation actually came to school today, so I won’t be spending Christmas chasing them to Florida after all. How was yours?”

“Not nearly as exciting. But I can confirm Christmas in Florida is canonically all kinds of weird.” He was already inspecting one of the artworks beside her. “Lots of catering stuff today, though. What was the project?”

She scratched an itch behind her ear. “I encouraged them to write a poem about someone they admire, then we swapped poems randomly, and then they each painted the person in the poem in their own style. We’ve been exploring artists like Basquiat and Mehretu, Joseph Lee and some Picasso for inspiration. Emphasizing that perfection doesn’t mean realism and how valuable our own visions are when it comes to artistic expression. It’s an original form of representation while also being therapeutic in breaking down constructs.”

Ben straightened up, his mahogany eyes locked onto her with sheer fascination. “Boom. Brilliant. I’m joining your class.”

“You think so?”

“Way more interesting than anything I ever learned. Especially in an art class. Did you come up with the project yourself?”

“I think so.” She tugged down insecurely on her dress, catching the eyes of parents who were now looking in the direction of the very tall stranger and the much shorter art teacher. “But I’d be happy to be proven wrong. It would be encouraging, actually.”

Ben glanced down at her discreet yanking, brow carefully knit. “Are you uncomfortable with what you’re wearing?”

“I just didn’t expect it to be this tight,” she explained before hearing herself. “Haven’t said that in a while.”

He cracked a knowing laugh beside her before looking around the room, noticing the growing crowd filing into their seats and surveying the art collection, finding people or styles they recognized. “Is there still an intermission for things like this?”

“Yes, that’s when most people start looking at the art and getting out their wallets.”

“I’m also not leaving here without one of these, I’ve decided,” he said, gesturing to the closeby lineup of paintings. 

“You’re going to make someone very happy for Christmas,” Rey said, glancing up at him before back down at the easels.

Ben sighed, adjusting the rose in his lapel. “Probably not that kid going to Florida.” 

“Not much you can do to make that situation any better.”

“Not much I can do to make it worse, either.”

One of the MCs took the stage and invited people to take their seats.

“I didn’t think it was appropriate to reserve us seats until we knew how many people would be here. Are you - ”

“I’m okay to stand.”

“We probably won’t have to stand, but we just might have to wait until everyone is seated. Is that alright?”

“Like I said, I’m fine with anything. Can I do something to help you?”

She lingered on his face for a moment from where she’d been prepared to usher stray adults into seated positions, sort of perplexed by his natural ability to care about things. In the week of Ben to which Rey had bore witness, she’d learned that he seemed to know very well how caring about things didn’t show weakness, didn’t lose the interest of the people in his life like his sister and co-workers, and definitely not Rey, presenting him as one of the most charming, mature, and breathtaking men she’d ever met in her life.

“Forgive me, I’m so surprised that you asked me that now I can’t even think of anything. So no. But thank you.”

As the lights began to dim, the two of them scoped out two empty seats in the second last row, Ben gently brushing his hand by her lower back as he pointed out what they were looking for. She admonished herself for how deeply she warmed at even the lightest touch, but more of her simply devoured it, wishing for more.

So once they’d been seated and the band of fifth and sixth graders took the stage, Rey reached for his thigh, asking him softly, “Is it alright if I put my hand here?”

She felt his breathing sort of flicker before regulating again with a long exhale, that ended with a confirming nod. “But if you’re putting the moves on me, I want a piece of it.”

“As long as it’s G-rated, you have my consent.”

Ben was certain his heart stopped when Rey leaned a little closer into him, given how much he liked where their hands now were, for his arm stretched across the back of the chair with a sense of security that he hadn’t expected to feel returning to an elementary school setting.

He felt her smile when the trumpet and the piano began a duet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE OTHER FICS WAITING FOR ME BUT THIS IS REALLY ALL I'M THINKING ABOUT SO THX FOR READING I LOVE YOU


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A transaction of holiday cheer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm bad at doing summaries and I'm not sorry bc I finish writing these chapters at like 6am so goodnight I love you very much xoxoxo

The room erupted in a standing ovation for just how pleased the band seemed in their execution of Glenn Miller’s “In the Mood” and Count Basie’s “Ain’t Misbehavin’” back to back. The lights came up for intermission and Ben stretched his back. “These chairs didn’t get any more comfortable.”

Rey yawned before pausing. “Did you - ”

But he didn’t wait for her to finish as he took her by the hand and she happily let him lead her out of the auditorium.

“I can’t be gone for too long,” she said with disappointment, for she would’ve gone with him anywhere, for any amount of time.

“You won’t be. Trust me, I’ve got long legs.”

“I don’t.”

“Well, not with that attitude.”

As her cheeks beamed with a laugh, her hand almost couldn’t tell it was being held, like how you can’t identify the smell of your own home. Just as safe, just as warm, just as comfortable. 

They came upon the wall of alumni, and Ben scanned for a particular picture. Although Rey had guessed what he was trying to show her, nothing could have prepared her for actually seeing the photo of eleven-year-old _Ben Solo_ on the Class of 2001 frame. 

“Aw!” Her pupils dilated, eyes locked on just how adorable he was. “Your name really is Ben Solo.”

“I’d like to know what you’ve been thinking it was,” he replied, further inspecting his classmates’ photos.

“Well the only time I’d heard it was from the dehydrated nut sack you’ve got for a boss.”

A pause, now strategically inspecting the frame. “What does a hydrated nut sack look like?” 

But his laugh took a moment to catch up with him as they took the time to picture it.

“Like a fresh pair of prunes still hanging on the tree, I suppose. Your name was probably the only thing I actually listened to him say.”

“Probably the only thing he’s ever said that wasn’t a lie.”

“I’ll admit I was a little too preoccupied to think about your name after that.” She stepped up onto the bench built into the wall to get a closer look. “I love your ears, Ben. Your eyes. I’m obsessed. That beautiful boy’s grown into a man."

Ben had instinctively stepped closer to her, one hand just barely touching the back of her thigh to somehow ensure she didn’t lose her balance. “That was right before my peak,” he explained, with a light sprinkling of sarcasm. 

“I’m sorry I missed it.” She detected his hand and gently inched her leg backwards into his touch. “Help me down?”

He put his hands in his pockets idly. “No, I think I’ll just look at you up there for a minute.”

Rey sort of liked the unwarranted attention, turning in a slow three-sixty, but her anxiety only let it last for a moment or two. “If one of those paintings gets stolen, Ben - ”

“Interrupting the male gaze isn’t gonna become a thing with you, is it?” Ben said with a characteristic facetious lace before stepping forward and hoisting her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, eliciting a bit of a squeal from her that bubbled into a laugh. He turned in each direction to find the way back. “For a teacher you don’t seem very comfortable with people watching you.”

“Just not people over the age of twelve.”

“I was twelve once.”

She’d never thought about it. “I guess I don’t have as much credibility in the situation. Suddenly I’m just a person, not a teacher. Not sure I’ve figured out that part yet.”

“Yeah, well, if you do, let me know. Don’t play keepsies.” When they reached the other end of the hall he let out an exaggerated huff. “Can I put you down yet?”

Rey covered her eyes in a laugh. How benevolent was the way he frustrated her, like the meaty outside of a Scotch egg while the golden core of his unmatched sense of humour lay nestled within.

Ben was cheerful for different reasons once she’d been released from his hold and they entered the auditorium. As they inspected the baking table, it appeared everything he’d made had been sold, and Rey spotted nearby a few children devouring a plate of what could only be Lucky Charm bars. She pointed them out and he seemed reassured that the work had paid off.

Together they waited around, monitoring the paintings, Rey providing connections between student and patron for those that were selling their work. 

Ben found a canvas that couldn’t be identified as a face at all, and instead was a collection of papery pastels in pink, red, blue, and purple streaks. “I like this one. The colours remind me of Heidi K. Brandow.”

“Yeah, I included her as a reference. You know who that is?”

“I do. Kaydel is doing her Masters in Native American Art. My parents have been all around the world, so we have a bit of a collection, too.”

“Your family sounds wonderful.” Rey’s heart began to swell. “What do your parents do?”

“My mom works for Air Traffic Control at JFK; she’s been running the place since the seventies. My dad is a pilot.”

“That sounds like a perfect match. It’s so special and romantic.” Rey stared dead into Ben’s oblivious face before she quipped, “And I imagine they keep each other quite grounded.”

Ben barely batted an eye, continuing on his previous path. “They got to know one another’s voice for a year or two before - you did not.” He began to walk away, full of a radiant refusal to believe that Rey had pulled such a pun. “I’m walking away now. Join me when you’re ready to behave.”

Rey cackled silently to herself as she responded to the suppressed laughter in Ben’s voice, his body language, the way she couldn’t quite tell if he’d heard that connection before or just couldn’t quite believe it was actually the first time he’d heard it.

“I’m sorry, Ben, please come back. I want to hear the rest of the story.”

“You’ll have to come and ask me very nicely.”

Thankfully the lights flickered and Rey didn’t have to spend another moment waiting around the paintings. She rushed back to her seat on her awkward little heeled boots and got comfortable beside Ben again.

“Do you want to go out for burritos after this so you can tell me all about it?”

“I think I have a raging crush on you.”

Rey’s jaw dropped. “I thought I had a raging crush on you!”

Ben shrugged. “Guess there’s nothing we can do except eat burritos about it.”

As the house lights went out, Rey insisted, “I’m buying.”

Ben opened his mouth to protest, but Rey had her hand on his thigh already and he suddenly couldn’t think about anything else. He put his arm across the back of her chair and waited a moment before sticking a finger in her ear. She contorted in ticklish giggles. 

He scolded her, “Rey, be quiet, the show is starting.”

She covered her mouth when the giggling didn’t stop, squeezing his thigh a little tighter, and Ben couldn’t seem to get rid of the smirk on his face for the rest of the show. 

When the band finished playing, took their bows, and the audience settled, Ben had an urgent request. “I want to get my hands on that painting before someone beats me to it.”

“The Brandow style? That was Jodie’s. She’s in the band.”

Now it was Rey’s turn to take his hand and they politely pushed through the crowd to head backstage.

“What was she playing?” Ben asked as Rey leaned her body weight against the door.

She grinned as she replied, “Trumpet.”

Ben shook his head. “No way.”

“Aren’t you so glad it’s not Florida?”

He followed her through, up the stairs and around the corner into what could only be the music room. It was hot and stuffy with the energy of enthused fifth and sixth graders riding the high of their adrenaline, and the familiar sound of instrument cases being loaded and clamped shut as they excitedly shared their success of their Christmas show. 

Rey popped her head into the music teacher’s office. “Have you seen Jodie?”

Ben heard only a blurry mumble from where he stood just outside the door, distracted by the sound of sheet music rustling and instruments being put away for the holidays.

Rey emerged again with a smile and she and Ben weaved through the sea of sort-of little people before happening upon the trumpet player - a girl with wire-rimmed glasses and long, sleek black hair like a river at midnight. Her face was pensive as she rubbed the shine back into a particularly stubborn spot on her trumpet. 

“Jodie, I have someone who wants to buy your painting.”

The girl looked up at Rey, and even further at Ben, before it seemed like something snapped awake in her. “You want to buy it?” She asked the taller of the two.

“I do,” Ben answered. “I really like your style, and you’re very talented. On more than one front,” he added, gesturing to her instrument. “How long have you been playing?”

“Actively since I was six. Do you play?” She adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose.

“Yeah. But I was never as good as you.” He sensed her growing weary of the conversation and reached in his pocket. “Which is why I’d like to do business with you, if you’re selling.”

Jodie seemed sort of perplexed, but not without interest. “Um, yes. Okay. I don’t really have a price for it, but you could make me an offer, I guess.”

“Ms. Kent, please close your eyes.”

Rey happily obliged.

Ben handed Jodie a small roll of bills. “Think you can give it up for this?”

Jodie’s mouth fell open as she counted it, looking up at Ben with wide eyes before nodding. 

“Don’t spend it all at once,” he warned before nudging Rey with his foot. “And keep up the good work.”

When Rey’s eyes opened again it was like she’d gone from seeing Judy Garland in black and white to Judy Garland in technicolour. From tornado to paradise. 

As Ben and Jodie said goodbye to each other and he and Rey began to leave, Rey acknowledged Jodie’s stunned state. “If I don’t see you in class tomorrow, have a lovely holiday, Jodie.”

The trumpet player just nodded, still bewildered for reasons Rey didn’t know, and waved absently with a sort of dazed joy.

Once they’d returned to the auditorium and tracked down the painting again, Rey said, “Ben, I haven’t seen her smile like that all semester.”

“Puberty does that to people.”

“She looked like you gave her a small fortune.”

“You will not hear it from me,” he added with a grin before taking another look at the painting. “Is there anything I can help you with so we can get out of here faster?”

Rey came to terms with his tight-lipped attitude and let herself settle with the relief she felt from whatever sparkle seemed to have been passed to Jodie’s energy after their transaction. “Right. Help me with the easels?”

“At your service.”

Together they collected the remaining paintings and their stands and transferred them upstairs via the elevator to Rey’s art room. 

The rest of the auditorium had mostly cleared out, save for the odd WASP that fittingly hovered around the baking table deciding what to do with the leftovers, and families of stragglers waiting for their kids to emerge from the music room. 

After Rey had headed out with the last easel, Ben returned to the theatre with nothing left to do except grab his new favourite painting under one arm and wait for Rey’s signal for burritos. 

He felt a rather suggestive hand tap him on the shoulder and he was met with the sort of woman he’d never choose to have a conversation with voluntarily.

“Hi,” she began with a rather useless plastic laugh, “You don’t know me, but I just wanted to say your treats were a real hit with the kids. They’ll be up for hours on all that sugar, but my husband thinks it’s nice to give them something non-organic every once in a while.”

“Thank you….?” Ben could feel his own body language translating poorly, but he’d had worse exchanges.

“It really was a hit,” she repeated unnecessarily. “You should do it for a living.”

Ben was better at faking laughs. “Thanks, I’ll consider it.”

“And I hope you’ll forgive me for being blunt...” she began.

Based on the tone of her prying little voice, Ben immediately knew he wouldn’t.

“...Are you here with that art teacher? The one with the accent? Is it Australian?”

Ben took a page out of Rey’s book. “Which question do you want me to answer first?”

The woman scoffed heartily, playfully slapping the lapel of Ben’s jacket as though he’d made a hilarious joke before ignoring him completely and asking a fourth question instead. “Do you know if she’s married? It’s hard for us not to think about how lonely she must be, being a foreigner like that.”

“I’m curious as to why you think she’s a foreigner when she’s lived here longer than some of your children have been alive.”

The woman seemed speechless only for a deceptive moment. “Well, it’s just so hard to think about anything else when she talks to us.”

Ben was quick with his words. “I can promise you that your children will never have a better teacher. And you can rest assured that she spends very little time thinking about you. Goodnight.” Ben bowed out of the conversation politely with a tight smile and whistled on his way out of the auditorium.

When he bumped into Rey again in the lobby, she was a lovely shade of breathless from the adrenaline of checking mental boxes before the school closed, and he smiled at her truly this time before bending down to kiss her.

Her little gasps stopped as their lips touched and they let go with a softness so tender Rey almost forgot where she was.

“Every time I see you I want to ask you on a date or give you my number, but most of those times we’re already on a date and I’ve already done that.” Ben said. “I just start short circuiting.”

Rey wondered where her knees had suddenly gone. “Part of me wishes that suit were too big on you so I could crawl inside and we could wear it together.”

“What about the other parts?”

“That’s the only part I have actually producing thoughts at the moment.”

“Wait until you hear about the conversation I just had.”

Rey winced. “Did you get stung?”

“They almost had me, but I brought out the shoe right at the end.”

“Ferris Bueller, you’re my hero.”

The reference may have had dark connotations, but they shared a look that was nestled neatly in another place entirely where they were already enjoying a bath together after dinner.

Ben scratched his head. “I’ll let you pay for burritos if you promise to show me what you looked like pre-puberty later. Photo proof. I won’t put out again until you do.”

A scowl from Rey. “You like a little bit of torture, don’t you?”

“Well, you know what they say, sometimes you just have to find the right nipple clamps.”

“Like these?” She promptly pinched his nipples with a buzzing noise before booking it down the hall, Ben hot on her heels in mortified glee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a long chapter and it took a long time to get through so now hopefully I have crashed through my writer's block and now I am ready to flesh out ALL my notes for the next three chapters!!! Thx for reading!!


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burritos and eggnog don't go together, unless you have them at entirely different venues in which case, fully appropriate. They also go really well with ginger ale and deep talks about relationship trauma and embryo cleavage.

“I have all these questions I want to ask you about your parents, because you fascinate me and I want to pick apart every corner of your psychology, but I haven’t quite figured out an alternative.”

Ben had a much more clearly established sense of control over his burrito given his hands in relation to the size of tortilla, as well as the painting tucked under his arm, and Rey was at a disadvantage after she’d ordered the same size. The night was mild, a still kind of cold, so they’d left the shop and were now headed down the street to find a bench.

Rey answered, “My exes have already been in there with a pick-axe and it’s still a little raw. I do see your point.”

“How do you feel about ‘explore’?”

“You may enter.”

As they sat comfortably close to one another scarfing down their rapidly melting burritos, they took up people-watching to pass the time until their mouths weren’t so full.

They ate like animals, enjoying the shared experience as they devoured their findings for survival. Ben offered her one of their napkins from his pocket when she beat him to the finish line.

Wiping the corners of her mouth, her eyes followed a group of three friends walking hand-in-hand down the street, sharing loud inside jokes and cackling about any of the endless things about which there were to cackle. 

“Where were you New Year’s Eve that year when no one could be there?”

As Ben bunched up their garbage and tossed it in the trash bin beside them, he tracked down what she was looking at. “I think I was alone. What did you do?”

Rey nodded. “Finn and Poe and I watched the ball drop from their apartment. I was very lucky to be included in their little circle. I would’ve been alone, too.”

“Did any of your ex shit happen during that year?”

“Thank G-d, no. I actually ended things the summer before. Just enough time to squeeze in a solid rebellious sexual phase before the world shut down.”

“What was that one’s name?”

“Francis.”

“That’s adorable.”

“That’s basically all he had going for him.”

Ben got a laugh out of that. “Thank you, next.”

“We dated for only nine months, but he seemed to be actually enabling himself to join the Twenty-Seven Club. It was a rather low-standard romance involving a lot of lukewarm baths and unwarranted debates about home-education.”

“I’m putting a pin in that for later. Who else was there?”

“Delia.”

“She sounds like she had a deal and a half; what was it?”

Rey groaned, head tilting upward towards the polluted night sky. “Faking approval and then biting me in the arse with it later.”

“I want to hear you elaborate on that.”

She glanced at him as if to ask, _you’re sure you want to hear this?_ But it only took another second or so to realize this was his chosen method of getting to know her, since her background had no parents to impress. 

Ben desperately needed something upon which to base whether or not he was deserving of everything that existed inside Rey’s well-worn soul. He wanted to know it all. And not to simply have it under his belt, but perhaps to let her know that there was someone else in the world who wanted nothing more than to be a steadfast friend in her cacophonous loneliness. A chosen family was vital, Ben knew that well enough, but he could hear the echoes of what she’d never known deep in the wavelengths of Rey’s stories.

When she didn’t respond right away, Ben had an idea. “Would it help if we were doing some light drinking?”

“I really could use some water. Maybe some spiced eggnog.”

“Don’t get too frisky.”

They found sanctuary in a lovely little jukebox club a block further down the street, and Ben took care of their coats before they found a place at the bar, the little painting settled between their seats. The music was Hendrix and George Michael and Catherine Russell and ambient enough to blend the sounds of the occasional conversation of the other patrons.

“So long-story-short, she tried to touch me up without asking, had the maturity level of a fifteen year old boy, and they both gaslighted me while flawlessly stripping me of any real sense of self in the process. But I was younger then, obviously, and I’m a fast learner. That’s why there’s only ever been two of them.”

“Well, they sound like awful people to be around. Let me know if you want me to spit in their dinner.”

“Delia was a guitar player and I used to be a real slut for that.”

“What is it about guitar players that turn everybody into wet puddles?”

“It’s the fingers.” Rey gestured with her right hand, only with the fingering of the guitar neck.

“Hold on, are you left-handed?”

She blushed, not prepared for that sort of attention to detail. 

“Ambidextrous.”

“Hm.” Ben’s eyes were alight with an understated wonder. “Do you think an ambidextrous guitar would have two opposite necks or two bodies?”

Rey zoned out for an elated split second as she imagined it. “I suppose I’d have to make it with two necks, and then the body would probably look like the second stage of mitosis. Like little double embryos.” While she beamed at the sight of Ben getting lost in his gentle little laugh over his glass, she asked, “What kind of guitar are you a slut for?” returning to her eggnog.

Ben inspected a worn corner of Rey’s coaster. “Bass, hands down. Leads are usually full of themselves and think they’re geniuses. Obviously sometimes they can be. But bass guitarists are _actually_ geniuses.”

“But you’d never hear them admit it.”

“You can see it in their eyes, they know they’re good, but it’s shielded by a godly humility that actually blocks them from ever acting on their hubris.”

“By that reasoning, odds are they’re also better in bed.”

“Of course. They’re actually full of someone else other than themselves for once.”

Rey snickered before downing the rest of her complimentary glass of water in between visits to the eggnog. Ben nursed a ginger ale in solidarity. Both of them seemed to enjoy the sobriety almost as much as the conversation.

“I do have a bit of a sob story, though,” Rey added.

“I’ve never been more ready.”

“There was a little student film festival in college, and the girl I was dating at the time was a bit of a slob, to put it politely. Anyway, she was going to be my date to the little red carpet event; I’d made a short film and it was nominated. We agreed I’d pick her up ten minutes before, she’d be dressed and ready, and we’d walk over together. Very short walk.” 

Ben couldn’t take his eyes off the way she spoke. The way her eyebrows seemed just that much more expressive than the average person’s. He drank in every word and imagined this past version of Rey who had been through what stacked up and filled in the pockets of void that made her the woman who sat before him. Wondering how deeply they had cut. 

“I was wearing this Angelina Jolie kind of thing but with sleeves and absolutely no back to be accounted for. Twenty dollars, second-hand. I felt spectacular. When I walked into her place, she was sitting watching television in her filthy little room, lounging, absolutely no sense of time, and no apology or attempt to make it better. Looking back on it now, I should’ve just told her to meet me there when she was ready. Could have been a metaphor for our relationship. But my desperate little mothering heart helped her pick out the clothes she hadn’t even chosen yet, helped her clean herself up, including having to ask her to brush her teeth, which she never did. By the time we got to the event, the red carpet was over and the premiere had started.” 

The drop in Rey’s adrenaline was almost heartbreaking for Ben to witness. She slowed down, before remembering the next part. “And I wasn’t even miserable at the time. I’ve been told that’s just a bit of my good nature, but that night is probably one of my biggest regrets.”

Ben let the thought sit between them for a moment before reading her as she attempted to climb out of the little hole in the conversation. “You had every right to be miserable. That attitude is really hard to deal with; it’s a let down. Had it happened before?”

“She never went to class. Her family had a lot of money and could afford to let her just sit in her room and waste it. I thought I could fix her. I thought that’s what ‘being there for her’ meant, because otherwise I just felt useless. She had so much support, but sort of resented everyone who tried to help her with this awful and cocky cynicism. Like with anyone who could actually be wiser than her, she’d break down the credibility of their ideas for her own sense of control. There was probably only one time something I said actually changed her mind. After that I gave up.”

Neither of them seemed to know when Ben’s free hand had ended up gently tucked under the crook of Rey’s knee, but they both liked it more than they would admit. 

“Have you spoken to her since?”

“A few times in the year or two after we broke up. Same shit. But I know she’s got some success on Spotify now. Her dreams are coming true. At least those ones.”

“Did she write any songs about you?”

“Um, yeah. But they were more about her, I guess. She was good at distracting me and convincing me of things like that.”

“G-d. I don’t understand how people can learn and perpetuate that kind of behaviour. It pisses me off how common it is. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m so sorry you’ve had to listen to it for this long,” she laughed lightly and ceased when she felt Ben’s hand squeeze her calf just a little almost as though it were a button that made her eyes meet his.

“I asked you to tell me. There’s no room for an apology there.”

Rey leaned into her palm as she smiled at him softly. “People usually get uncomfortable when they know I don’t have any parents. I like that you asked.”

“So am I gonna get a private screening of your short film, or….?”

She hiccupped, covering her eyes. “Remind me to delete it off YouTube _yesterday."_

Ben sighed in playful defeat. "You know what I don’t get? _Casablanca._ I get it’s a classic and all, but there’s so many other underrated stories out there nobody even talks about.”

Rey involuntarily leaned in, already steamed about the new topic. “You’re so right. I saw it and I just didn’t understand why so many people are like ‘omg _Casablanca’_.”

Ben gagged, literally on the edge of his seat to be as close to her as deemed polite in a public setting. “It’s like saying your favourite actor is Sandra Bullock. Absolutely nothing against her or the movie, they’re both great in their own ways, but they’re just the most generic A-list examples in their respective categories.”

“I feel there’s almost a fetishization around _Casablanca_ that transcends actual film culture. Like it’s become appropriated into the college girl film student aesthetic. I saw too much of it.”

“Kind of like the predominantly male obsession with _Pulp Fiction._ ”

“I know, right? Exactly. Zero creativity. Absolutely no range. I’m sure we’re judging too harshly, but it just personally turns me off.”

“My dick’s never been softer.”

Rey exhaled a giddy little laugh. “What’s your take on _Pulp Fiction_?”

“Oh, it’s certainly well-made. But like _Casablanca_ I just don’t find it that interesting compared to lesser known stories like _The Watermelon Woman_ or _Home for the Holidays._ Even _Good Will Hunting_ or _Pursuit of Happyness_ or _Call Me By Your Name_ for male emotion. That’s my take on it.”

Rey brightened so much she felt herself squirming in her seat. “You’ve seen _Watermelon Woman_ and _Home for the Holidays_?”

“They are criminally undiscussed and unappreciated.”

She sort of stared at him for a moment, bewildered. “It’s like you’re in my head.”

His mouth rested shy of his glass as he replied matter-of-factly, “Couldn’t tell you how I got in there.”

As she insisted on buying them another celebratory round of non-alcoholic drinks, Ben let his eyes shamelessly fall to her curves, tightly wrapped in the sheer dark nylon and further decorated in the rich burgundy of her dress while she leaned forward over the bar and her ass left the seat. 

“Anyways, that’s my ex history book,” Rey continued.

“More like a pamphlet, actually.” Ben sipped his ginger ale. 

“Yes, I suppose it’s perfect when you’re looking for a quick read on the loo.”

“Mine’s probably more like one of those books you get at a yard sale with a dust cover and it turns out the actual book inside is something entirely different.”

“Like you thought you were buying Michelle Buteau and you actually got Mein Kampf?”

Ben giggled into his hand. “But you don’t realize it until you get home.”

"Or until you're halfway through it."

"'Man, Michelle Buteau used to be funnier.'"

"'Since when does she speak German?'"

"'Since when did she become a fascist?'"

The two of them laughed over their drinks and felt the familiar warmness in their cheeks that came from alcohol, even in a presently sober state. 

Ben sat further upright on his barstool, flapping the wings of his dinner jacket as though to air himself out. Rey found herself taking in his powerful legs, the measured tuck of his shirt into his perfectly-fitting slacks, how gorgeously the shine of his shoes complimented the rest of him. How she briefly got lost in the idea of him tossing her over his shoulder again and feeling his grip on her suffocating thighs. How wildly she thought of tying him to her bed and telling him how pretty he was.

“Are you hot?” She asked, a pinch of irony. 

“No, I’m just hyping myself up.”

Rey smiled as she drank and waited for him to speak.

He let out an exaggerated sigh. “I dated this woman about three years ago, again ending just before the pandemic, and honestly the toxicity that came out of that put me in a position to actually realize how okay I was with being alone.”

“I hear the therapy talking. How long were you together?”

“Almost four years.”

“Bollocks.”

“At first it was really hard to tell if we ended things because I wanted to get married and she kept insisting we didn’t need to. Or because she had very headstrong ideas about all the reasons why _not_ to have kids, primarily the ‘economy’ and the cost of daycare in New York. But she always insisted she never wanted to leave. Just a lot of complaining and no attempts to make it better.”

“That sounds exhausting. Kind of belittling, actually. Have I met her? Should I go fuck her parents and make her watch?”

Ben’s nose wrinkled when he laughed at Rey’s jokes, and often his gut tightened with it in response to her proactive defense of his honour. “They’re the stiffest people I’ve ever met, you’d have so much fun. She seemed to have this philosophy that since I was the ‘man’, I was supposed to go along with fundamentally everything she believed. I could disagree, because ‘of course it was my right’, but she would never make any effort to find a compromise. I don’t think she realized there’s a difference between being a gentleman and being a servant.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “My G-d. Ben, that’s huge. I’m so sorry you were stuck in that for so long.”

He sort of awkwardly repositioned himself in his seat.. “My parents never liked her, but she was my first serious girlfriend so I guess I had a bit of a rebellious streak in me. I think that whole time I was trying to convince myself we were right together. After that I was this sad, angry person - not like throwing-shit-angry, more like won’t-talk-to-people-for-weeks-angry. And for no reason. At least no reason I felt I could talk to anyone about.”

Ben was already associating a certain unfamiliar level of trust with the feeling of Rey’s fingers on his thigh - so far away from a tightly wound hug, so far away from either of their hearts feeling the other’s beat, but for how long they’d both gone without the touch of another human being’s intimacy, he wanted to tell her everything right there.

And as though it was she, this time, who was in _his_ head, Rey replied, “You’ve been talking to me.”

It was strikingly _not_ an attempt to argue or debate his tactics of emotional safety, but rather a loving and genuine statement of accomplishment that somehow said she truly saw how he’d grown into himself just a little further, and how wonderfully far they’d both come.

Ben could’ve slapped himself for the little puff of sweat he felt as she squeezed his thigh again.

Part of him figured this would take some getting used to. The other part already knew how brightly, boldly, and clearly they saw each other. 


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey invites Ben to her apartment, on their third rendezvous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! I'm so sorry for the wait, again, I have started school again and I've been feeling burdened that the last three chapters have been all about the same damn night. I'm ready for the next day, next outfits, next moment. Thank you for sticking with me and reading and enjoying!! Stay well, take care of yourselves and your needs <3

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel obligated; it’s totally dependent on your comfort level.”

Rey stopped walking. “I want to host you. I don’t want to keep using up all your water and eating all your food when I have a perfectly good apartment all to myself that I can share. I’m creepily good at taking turns; I teach children. Please.”

Ben took a step closer, bending down to press his chilly red nose against hers. “I like it when you use up my water and eat all my food. Gives me a break from liking _you_ so damn much.”

She tilted their foreheads together with a smile. “If you don’t want to come over, you can tell me.”

He straightened up. “I do. Very much I do. But I have a lot of respect for the advice of not inviting men you don’t know very well into your apartment in case they have a _Phantom of the Opera_ moment, or leave a dump in the toilet or something.”

“Out of the two of us I think I’m actually more likely to leave a dump in the toilet.” In her small purple mittens, she tucked her hands beneath the flanks of his coat and beamed brightly up at him. “And I’m trained in standard and Brazilian jiu-jitsu in case you wanted to take advantage of me.”

“Can I request a submission hold if I get too frisky?”

“If you get too frisky, you won’t have to request it.”

Ben’s little laugh sort of had a life of its own, Rey noticed, like Linguini’s in _Ratatouille._ It was blunt and childlike, joyful and resonant, and often the sound itself was more than enough to send her giggling with satisfaction. 

“So will you?” She confirmed. 

He took one assessing look at her. “I’m going to take you home and get you naked, and put you to bed.”

“Are you going to do things to me when I’m naked? Or maybe get naked with me?”

“I’m starting to think you made up the jiu-jitsu thing; you don’t seem to have any self-discipline at all.”

Now it was Rey’s turn to let the laugh come unannounced. 

Ben tilted his head towards the night sky, and the two of them shivered at a gust of a cold front heading down the street towards Rey’s. 

“I don’t really get how it hasn’t snowed yet,” he thought out loud. “With you campaigning for it, I’m surprised it hasn’t picked up on the vibes.”

On this, the fourteenth of December, Rey’s fall-coloured outfits were getting tired of being worn, and she’d declared she didn’t dress in a Christmas palette until it snowed. 

“I can smell it, it’s going to be soon. Definitely by Christmas Eve.”

“I’ve only ever had one green Christmas. It’s wet and empty.”

“Me too. Typical foreplay, actually.”

Ben’s response to her quips like this was one of the most appealing things about their exchanges: rather than facepalming or deadpanning a sarcastic response, his eyes and nose scrunched up in a nearly silent wave of giggles that made their arms link together that much tighter.

“I have a question.”

“Go.” Minor positive panic set in with her usual anxiety. She didn’t usually like that statement.

“What was school like for you, and do you feel it prepared you for what you pursued here?”

“Which question first?”

“Fine, two questions. Make it a double.”

Rey tucked her scarf a little more securely around her neck. “I was only there for high school, before that I was mostly home-educated by one of the women running the home. It sort of turned into an orphanage, I guess, and there were a lot of kids who were able to be adopted, but a few of us stayed. We liked sharing things. I liked living in a house full of people. Strangers from all over the world. Other children. The idea of suddenly being moved into a smaller space where I’d be given singular attention was sort of terrifying.” They stopped outside Rey’s building as she punched in her code. “So therapy’s been a hoot.”

“Are you still in touch with the person who taught you?” Ben asked as they headed through the quiet, poorly lit lobby and into the stairwell.

“Fourth floor,” she reassured. “I try to call her, but she rarely answers. Just when I think she might have up and died, she calls me back. Real freaky like that. I’ve been slowly paying off my debts to her over the last ten years even though she’s never confirmed nor denied that she wants it.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I think so, but it’s hard to judge what missing someone really means when I feel like I’ve just been missing people my whole life.”

They arrived on Rey’s floor and she led them down the faded, creaking wooden hallway to a pleasant little burgundy door at the end.

Ben’s heart broke into two salient pieces, wanting so horribly to crawl inside her memory and pick up the other end of any yoke she had to carry on her own. “Is that a paralyzing feeling?”

“Gosh, you ask good questions.” She gave the door a heavy push and Ben nearly had to duck to fit through, but he felt her inhale the space of her own for the first time in nearly sixteen hours. “I think it’s a bit of an emptiness in me that won’t ever be filled, but it almost doesn’t need to be. And it can’t, really. I definitely used to think that made me less whole, less human, less functional, but I’ve learned how to work on making the other parts of me more satisfying and balanced.” She offered to take his coat. “Would you believe I used to be strangely self-sabotaging when it came to little things like that?”

Ben removed his scarf and gloves, tucking them into his pockets before accepting. “Well, if you’re calling that ‘little things’, I don’t really know what to believe. But you seem very detail-oriented in your goals from what I’ve seen.”

She smiled, hanging both of their effects in her shallow little closet by the door. “I’ve realized how big of a part a sense of humour had in raising me, too. My connections are always strongest to people who make me laugh. Have you ever found that? Any patterns in your relationships?” The kitchen sink came on as she began to wash her hands.

Ben changed gears from listening to her story to finding a part of his own as an answer, and he took off his boots on the rubber mat. “Um, yeah. My dad’s only funny when he’s around my mom - she’s the real clown - or his friends. By himself he can be a sardonic brick wall. His humour’s a lot more reality-based. My mom’s the one I’d exchange weird noises and references with.” He followed suit at the sink, a habit that neither of them would shake any time soon.

“Are your parents still together?” Rey asked, hopping up on her kitchen counter to adjust the seam of her tights which had flipped around her foot.

“Not without some tedious bends in the road, but yeah. Kaydel and I got really lucky. It’s taught us a lot about relationships and friendships, among other things.” He did a few confused turns as he tried to locate the towel. 

“That gives me a lot of hope.” She unclipped her hair and scratched through her exhausted follicles.

“For what?” 

Ben supposed he already knew. 

Her rosy cheeks got rosier as she shrugged. “Everything.”

Ben looked up once his hands were dry, seeing her glowing in the same shade as her apartment door, with the accent of her black blazer, her hair loose and feet still small.

He let the fridge support him as he took the time to just take her in; remind himself of how shamefully he’d looked at her earlier and how much more delightful she seemed to get with every one of their meetings. From her presentation to the deepest and most vulnerable emotions living inside her that she chose to share.

Rey crossed one leg over the other, eyeing him up just as obviously. “This six-feet-apart thing; I’m having flashbacks.”

Ben gritted his teeth in disdain and left the fridge like he’d taken someone’s seat and they’d just returned. Hands in his pockets as he headed towards her, Rey asked him thoughtfully. “How are we going to shag if you’re all the way over there?”

“I’ve never ‘shagged’ someone before, but it sounds more fun that way. Should I be nervous?”

She would’ve asked him to leave his semantics on the mat with his boots, but she didn’t want to delay his arrival. Her heart had to work twice as hard to beat as she drank in the way his jacket hugged him like it had been his lifelong friend, and how he wore it like a king in disguise. “I’ll be careful not to rip your suit.”

He finally reached her, where he examined the situation and Rey allowed him the pleasure of uncrossing her nylon-tightened legs. His fingers were warm and firm, and she got distracted watching the veins in his hands as he slowly pushed her thighs apart. When she looked up again, she wondered how long he’d been watching her, and she couldn’t help but slide her hips forward towards the edge of the counter to meet the hardest, warmest part of him.

Ben’s jaw clenched and shifted once their eyes were on each other, bodies almost as connected. He gazed down for a moment at her lips, soft and ripe like the sour, sugary skin of a grapefruit, and brought his hands further over her waist and around her lower back. “I’m kind of obsessed with you in this dress.”

She gently took his collar between her fingers, biting her lip at the feeling of their closeness, more than just her own body heat as they adjusted to the temperature of indoors. “This suit fits you too well for you to not have shagged anybody. You’re absolutely ravishing.”

His teeth appeared like sharpened pearls. “Tell me what else you’ve been thinking.”

“I was thinking about how much I wanted to squeeze your ass in those pants. I wanted you to take me into your boss’ office at the restaurant and fuck me over his desk while you’re wearing that suit. I was thinking about how good you are with my body and I can’t _stop_ thinking about it. How I wanted to hear the sound of your belt coming undone before you filled me up with your cock.”

Ben smirked, gripping her just a little tighter, more possessively. “Oh, you’re a nasty woman, aren’t you?”

She hooked her ankles around him, running her fingernails through his hair and relishing its thickness, how it just reached the curve where his neck met his shoulders and did not sacrifice one ounce of his mature appearance. “I voted for Hillary,” she replied.

His jaw shifted honestly. “I voted for Harris.”

Rey put a hand on his chest. “I think I just came.”

“Well, I guess we’re done here, then,” he began cheerfully before she lured him back with her ankles. Ben brought his kiss upon her mouth and they simply let the feeling of each other’s touch consume them. Rey tongued her way over his jawline and down to his neck, where she sucked and inhaled his intoxicating scent; his natural odor mixed with a spray of something reminiscent of Le Labo sandalwood and pine. It was bliss, and it spoke volumes about his taste.

“One of the first things I thought about you was how badly I wanted to get my fingers in your hair. And how exquisite you smelled. I had to get my schnoz all over it.” 

She felt him exhale a little laugh as he pulled her flush against him. “Tonight I wanted to sneak you into one of the empty classrooms and rub you over your tights until you came, hard, my other hand covering your mouth so you don’t give yourself away. The noises you make have been in my head for days.”

Rey let out an involuntary little whimper that turned into a moan when Ben took her hand from his lapel and brought it down to where his dick pressed against the tightness of his trousers. 

She knew her way well enough around for her hand to slip that much further down to the seam where she could feel his balls, and stroked over them with her thumb on the smooth fabric, her eyes hooded in a trance of arousal and deep, deep desire that surpassed physical knowledge. 

Ben growled deeply when she gave him her little smile. “You get me so fucking hard, Rey.”

“I want to feel every inch of it. I want every part of you.”

“You do?” He challenged with the playful lift of his brow and the tilted inspection of her features as they contorted in a clouded, rising pleasure.

She ground her hips against his erection, desperately seeking purchase for her hunger and releasing a ghost of a whine.

Ben saw to the very depths of her hazel eyes. “Ah, you do.”

“Please,” she whispered, her entire body held taut with tension, one hand teasing at the waist of his pants.

Their eyes couldn’t be distracted by anything once they’d locked into each other, and Ben began to reach his herculean hands up her dress before muttering, “This okay?”

“It’s so okay. Is this?” She half-whispered as her nimble fingers slipped the front of his thick leather belt open. 

“Yes,” Ben sighed as his face got lost in her neck, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses around its circumference while simultaneously tugging her tights from their high placement down over her wider hips, leaving her cotton thong in its place. He inhaled deeply. “Are you wearing Kimora Lee?”

Rey reared back, astonished. “Since I was eighteen, yeah. Please don’t say your mother or sister wears it.”

“No, I’ve just been trying to figure it out for a week. Nailed it.”

She giggled and he yanked her hips forward before the two of them quickly undid the steely part of his belt that sung in Rey’s ears and had her practically drooling on command. She lifted herself up for him to hike the tights almost to her knees, which were now pressed to either side of his torso.

Ben brushed his knuckles over her the damp, warm trove between her thighs, still covered by her panties, and flashed his teeth at the sound of her breath hitching in her lungs. “What do you have for me down here?”

Her bottom lip disappeared behind her teeth as she tugged down his underwear to release his cock and whispered, “Feel it.”

Their noses touching, mouths hot and baited, Ben slipped her thong to the side and his middle finger met the hot slick of her core. “Oh my G-d, Rey. _Fuck.”_

When he entered her, she literally dripped down his knuckles and his eyes shuddered closed as he got his bearings, fingering her long and slow and feeling her sweet little contractions around him. 

“Ben, I’ve never been this wet in my life.” Her hand gripped his hair so hard he was perfectly okay with her pulling it out. He swelled with pride at the declaration, even further wanting to serve her corporeal essence. 

Rey’s entire body arched backward with a sigh, overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of Ben’s admiration for her, paired with her own for his talented fingers and their divine attention. Already gasping for air, she fumbled to shed her blazer and tossed it over the counter onto the floor. 

Ben removed his hand, bracing her with her legs hooked over his arms as she wrapped her fairy-like fingers around his length, and they moaned together as he pushed inside of her in one slow, smooth motion. The angle alone was bliss, but it didn’t last. 

A shooting, blinding pain ruptured deep in Rey’s womb and she cried out, “Fuck, stop. Stop, stop, stop stop,” to which Ben responded immediately after withdrawing.

“Are you okay? What happened?” 

Her head was bowed as she clung to him, her body suddenly erupting in shivers as she tried to brace herself through the horrible electric stinging. When she spoke, it was watered down with a very small, weak voice. “It’s okay, it’s - fuck - it’s happened before.” He heard the tightening at the end of her sentence that indicated a wave of helpless tears. Ben’s heart pounded as he searched his brain for what needed to happen next. 

He froze where he was with her arms around his neck, waiting for any sort of cue or sign. “Rey, you’re crying, what do you need?”

“Lie down,” she choked out, “I can’t sit - ” 

“Should I call an ambulance?”

“I can’t - ” she reiterated with a half-gesture of exhausted desperation, and Ben quickly understood, trying to help her down from the counter without making her pain worse. “Don’t carry me,” she added almost urgently. He was able to figure out quickly that she needed to remain unbent either upright or horizontal, and suspected he’d hit something, triggering a by-product of whatever had been there before. He may have even hit her cervix on the nose, depending on the day of her cycle. 

“Here, hang on to me,” he said softly, letting her put her weight on him as he quickly did up his pants and bent down to pull her tights slowly back up over her hips. “Is this okay? Can you walk?”

Rey managed to nod, sniffling as she gingerly walked with him into the bedroom and he stripped his jacket for more mobility to help her lie down. She cried steadily with each step, unable to think about anything other than the waves of stitching pain at the core of her uterus. 

He helped her carefully onto her side so she could roll onto her back with as little trouble possible, and he swallowed the lump in his throat at the sight of her. One hand covering her eyes as she focused on stretching out her shallow breathing, the other pressing gently between her hip bones. 

“Can you tell me what’s going on? What do you need?” He knelt down beside the bed and placed a hand by her arm.

She just shook her head in tears, her limbs vibrating with tension as she struggled to fight off these animalistic shocks. Every other moment she would twist or hiss or try to change her position without moving at all, for nothing seemed to make it better. Her fingers at her eyes separated and she glanced at him. “Would you - ” a choked whisper, “Beside me?”

Ben hadn’t moved this fast in his life. Her bed was a size smaller than his, but still had more than enough room for the two of them to sleep comfortably. He crawled onto the double mattress beside her and propped himself up on his side, just watching her with wired, attentive eyes. “I’m here.”

With the hand that had covered her face, she now reached out for him and after a few long, clasped, shivering minutes, she drew her first full breath. Ben lapsed into a state just as intent upon reaching some kind of resolve, and until then he remained motionless. 

“I had a cyst,” she said, eyes still closed in meditative focus. “It ruptured this one time I was having sex with some guy three years ago, and it just hit too deeply from the wrong angle. The pain lasted an hour and I was in the hospital for twelve. They suspected it was right on my cervix given how central it was, but they couldn’t really tell because the ultrasounds were all clear.”

“Gosh, that must have been really upsetting.” He brushed stray hairs away from her warm forehead. “How often does it happen now?”

“Well it hasn’t been that bad in years, because I haven’t been associating myself with any well-endowed penises.” Her humour was still kicking. “Sometimes it comes up when I’m on my period, but it passes after a few seconds. I’m sorry I didn’t stop you; I should’ve mentioned that angle was no good for me. I wasn’t really thinking about that.”

He squeezed her hand a little harder. “Were you alone in the hospital?”

“Yeah. It was the middle of the night, so I didn’t want to bother anybody, and the guy insisted on paying the bill, but he didn’t stay.”

A preconscious instinct within him erupted, filled with anger by the idea of her being left alone by anyone, for any reason. When she was scared. When she was in _pain._ “What does it feel like?”

She took another inhale, a deeper one this time. “Sometimes like a balloon full of helium is filling up inside my uterus, and the pressure is instantly unbearable. Like that sharp stitch you get in your ribs when you try to take a full breath but you’ve been sitting sort of weird. But it doesn’t stop. I actually remember describing it to the nurses as someone stabbing me right in the bone and trying to crack it apart.”

Ben winced harshly. He scooched closer to her, still not wanting to touch anything more than her hand in fear of making the pain resurface. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I had anything to do with it.”

She turned her head against her pillow and finally looked him in the eye. “It was wonderful up until that point. I wish we didn’t have to stop.”

“It was, I know.” He kissed the silky back of her hand. “Are you feeling better?”

Rey nodded, her brow softening and tears drying. “I’m exhausted now.”

“You were shaking for a solid seven or eight minutes, at least.”

“Thank you for helping me,” she said softly, smiling up at him. 

“Would you mind terribly if I slept over?”

“I don’t want you to feel obligated just because of my benign cyst ghost.”

“I want to be here if it happens again. Then I can record it and put it on YouTube.”

Her eyes lit up from the teasing. “As long as you make it public.”

Ben giggled, dreamily watching her face in the half-dark. The light from the kitchen cast a soft sleepy glow into the bedroom and he was able to see much of her decor. “I like what you’ve done with the place.”

She had pointillism, acrylic paintings both abstract and portraits, and a close-up poster print above the bed of a breastfeeding baby. He’d scrambled to his knees to get a closer look at it. “Where’d you find this one?” 

Rey reached a slow arm over to switch her lamp on. “Thrift store.”

“No way.”

“The amount of treasure I find….Most of what I own is thrifted.”

“I _love_ that. Until I hit puberty, everything I owned was some kind of second-hand, too. Now it’s everything but pants. I love it.”

She beamed. “I respect anyone who respects thrift stores.”

He lay down beside her again and adjusted his eyes to some of the other art on her walls. “How many of these did you do?”

“Just that one.” She pointed to the pointillism of a multi-petaled rose with a stem adorned with thorns. 

“Really? Just the one? It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I’ve sold everything I’ve ever done. I wouldn’t be here if I’d kept any of it. I do a lot of commissions, too. Those pay my grocery bill.”

“Have you ever thought about moving someplace better? Like Canada?”

“Only when I’m really high. Have you?”

“Yeah. What kind of high are you?”

“I get really chaotic and spacey. Emotional. When I’m drunk I’m giggly and obscenely happy. But I rarely drink enough to get drunk, anyway. I bet you’re a riot.”

“I get really horny.”

“Drunk or high?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t wait.” She carefully scooched herself back to sit further up against the pillows and sighed sleepily. “I’m afraid my bathtub isn’t big enough for two people, or I would ask if you wanted to take a bath.”

Ben yawned. “I’m not the one who has to get up in the morning; what do you want?”

Rey mumbled into the dark air, “If you’d like to stay, I want that.”

“I’m staying,” Ben said with a smile. “You can take me at my word.”

She had just enough energy to take off her makeup, brush her teeth, and celebrate how well he seemed to read her. 

________________

  
  


Rey’s bathrobe did a much poorer job of fitting on Ben than his did on her, but he still joined her in the crowded little one-person bathroom wearing it proudly like a half-tunic. “Can I steal some toothpaste?”

A lightbulb went off for the shorter of the two while she admired how pleased he looked. “I actually have...hang on….” she rummaged through her drawer and pulled out a toothbrush, still in its package.

Ben accepted it with a little surprised gasp. “Happy Hanukkah.”

Her eyes smiled at him given she had her own toothbrush in her mouth, already foaming. “Are you Jewish?”

“No, but Hanukkah ends tomorrow.”

“You look cute in this,” she was meaning to say, if it sounded anything like words. 

Together they brushed their teeth at the sink and Ben had to duck a little bit to see himself in her mirror, but the overall goal was achieved in the end. She’d thrown on one of her sleep shirts and taken her makeup off in an even shorter amount of time.

She offered Ben a glass of water before bed and the two of them shared post-toothpaste clementines in the kitchen.

“Do you have a spoon preference?” Rey asked about their sleeping arrangement. “Since we’re sort of passed the awkward one-night-stand stage.”

“I’m kind of a fork.”

“Excellent,” she acknowledged. “My room can get pretty cold, so if I’m pressed up against you at some point, it’s purely for survival.” The face she gave him said otherwise.

Ben looked up and read it loud and clear. “Understood.”

“Thanks for coming with me tonight. For buying Jodie’s painting. And for just...I don't know, being here.”

“Thanks for putting me in those situations.”

Rey finished her last clementine before leaning over the counter, and their lips came together chastely, but slow, which said goodnight in the only language necessary. 

The night crept in once they lay in the dark, chasing sleep on their sides facing away from one another in their respective positions. But after an unknown amount of time, Rey felt Ben roll over and completely envelope her in his arms, already floating below consciousness, and her heart practically stopped. She smiled and snuggled into his embrace, knowing he was still awake. 

They each had one lingering thought before they slipped out.

Forks fit together, too.

__________________

  
  


Before dawn had even cracked through Rey’s window, they were violently awakened by her Mariah Carey alarm.

She felt Ben’s body jump where he was nuzzled against her amid the blankets, and she snoozed the sound once before realizing it wasn’t an alarm at all.

“Shit. _Shit shit shit shit._ Hello, yeah. I’m on my way,” She answered, rubbing her swollen, aching eyes as she propped herself on one elbow in the near-darkness. “Really? Are you serious? How much?”

Ben groaned into his pillow when he felt her warm body slip quietly and quickly from beneath the covers and pad to the window. Her room was much smaller than his, and he was thankful for less distance between the two of them at this moment in time.

“Yeah, no, I just woke up,” she admitted with a laugh. “Thank you. See you in the new year, then. Have a lovely holiday.”

Ben heard her phone hit the windowsill and he tried opening his eyes.. “What is it?”

Rey was naked from head to foot, on her tiptoes as she gazed at whatever was happening out the window. Her ankle was doing that same thing again. When she turned to Ben, he saw her silhouette smile before the early New York City lights and the dark grey morning sky. “Snow day.”

The grin was contagious, and he blinked to get a better view of her. “Well, that’s momentous. Can I take your picture?”

“Promise not to give it back.”

He rolled out of bed, re-orienting himself. “Sure, your bum looks cute. Don’t think about it, just pretend I’m not here.”

“Perv,” she obliged happily before looking back out at the morning, and Ben captured her little habit in a glorious silvery piece of memory. He got a giggle out of her comment before he dropped his phone back in the pile of clothes on the floor and quickly joined her by the window, softly connecting their warm bodies. Sure enough, there were four inches of feathery snow on the ground, on the tops of cars and on window ledges, on the knobs of flagpoles and flower boxes. Just enough to call for a rather dramatic snow day in the state of New York.

“Can I see the picture?” she asked, trying to cloak her eagerness.

“Shh. Snow.”

“You make such sound arguments.”

“I’m a jukebox of sound arguments and good questions,” Ben said, running the backs of his fingers intently over the curve of her hips, the glorious unevenness, the pink, smooth stretch marks from where she likely grew up just a little faster than expected. “The first snow is always the prettiest. It sort of starts the world over.”

“I’m so happy,” she replied genuinely, still smiling at the sight of the dusting of snow on the city street, still hatching from its brief window of rest. Unspoken between them was that they both had a feeling she didn’t just mean the weather, or its implications. Ben kissed her temple firmly with an honest message before throwing an arm around her shoulder and watching the morning unfold from Rey’s cozy little hole in the wall.

“Now I’m going back to bed,” Ben whispered in her ear, feeling the echoes of her shivers where his breath warmed her, and retreated. She lingered by the window for another minute or two, and instead of going back to sleep, Ben watched her foot pop, dancing preciously around the other ankle as she gazed like a child watching a magic trick. 

When she scurried back to join him, he lifted the covers and she favoured the feeling of his warmth against her skin which had quickly turned cold from the bedroom air, and they snuggled together closely.

The photo was forgotten, but the precious moment glimmered in their dreams as fresh as the soft new blanket of virgin snow. 


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big step. 
> 
> "Look both ways and hold hands when crossing the street" said me to my silly love babies

When they awoke again, the day was in its youth, and they lingered together with their limbs entangled. Rey was practically on top of him, tucked into his side with her arms close to her chest, and Ben’s sleeping head rested just by the crown of her hair as they slowly came to. 

An hour of laziness barely passed, and by the time Rey threw together a batch of pancakes, it was eleven. Ben had to head out to sign the lease on his new apartment. The sun shining into the apartment seemed brighter with the presence of snow outside.

“Do you have pictures of the place?” Rey asked as they put the dishes away.

“I think so. It’s about this size, just with taller door frames.”

He got his coat from the closet and put it on over the same suit he’d worn yesterday. He’d never done the so-called walk of shame before, but he kind of liked the satisfaction. She nuzzled her head under his arm once he pulled out his phone.

“Oh, there’s that one, too,” Ben said, showing her the picture of herself.

“Gosh, are those _my_ legs?”

“If we’re being anatomically correct.”

“By that logic, they might not be. The way you’re built you could easily give me a good frisking.”

“Stop,” Ben dismissed shyly.

“Has anyone ever asked you to crush them with your thighs?”

He put her in a playful headlock as he searched for the apartment photos, which had her in a fit of giggles squirming away. She emerged breathless, her drying hair already frizzing around the edges, and she put up her fists. “You requesting a submission hold?”

“I thought I didn’t have to,” Ben deadpanned with understated glee, and the moment she charged at him he held out one large hand that stopped her in her tracks, forehead first. He watched her as though holding her off took zero effort on his part. “You’re so wiggly.”

She made grabbing motions with her fingers, trying not to laugh as she struggled to reach him, before he showed her the screen. And she let up instantaneously when she saw the place. “Oh, Ben, it’s - ”

But he’d already scooped her up and slung her over his shoulder, returning her to the bedroom. Rey laughed from her gut, but made no effort to resist.

Their bodies went down together against the mattress, and Ben kissed her chastely before launching himself up and walking backwards out the door. 

“Is that your version?” Rey asked, sitting up on her elbows.

“Where I put you back to bed and kiss you like I said I would? Yeah, that’s my submission hold,” he reassured, his eye contact direct, but vibrant with humour.

“Are you working this weekend?” She got to her feet. 

“Tonight and Sunday. Didn’t you say you volunteered at a retirement home or something on weekends?”

“Only if they need me. It’s a long-term care home, so there’s only a few actual tenants.”

“They haven’t needed you?”

“They haven’t called me.”

“Oh.” Where Ben stood ten feet away, the open door between them, he tucked his hands in his pockets before pulling out his gloves and a black beanie he seemed surprised to see. He put his effects on and looked at her once he was fully equipped for the snowy outdoors. “I guess I’ll be calling you, then.” 

Rey smiled, now resting against the doorframe, still in nothing but her sweater and underwear, with her cozy socks to top it off. “I’m good at changing adult diapers and blending solid foods, so, if you know anyone - ”

“Old people are kind of their own solid food blenders, aren’t they?”

“Actually, yeah, I like to play ‘Is It Shit Or Is It Pudding’ with myself.”

Ben giggled as he got his boots on, and they shared a timid glance the turned into a kiss by the open door that then turned very quickly into something better executed behind one that is closed. He yanked himself away with the only cell of self-discipline either of them had left. The way he lingered seemed to Rey like he was sort of baffled she even kissed him, like every time she did it he was still experiencing it for the first time. She didn’t feel qualified to let on that was very much how she felt, too. How clean his teeth always were. Ben felt continuous chills from the way her tongue felt when it slipped into his mouth. 

As he headed down the hallway, Rey watched him with a sense of deep satisfaction.

Ben couldn’t feel anything but joy and longing before a small lightbulb went off. “We didn’t even have sex,” he turned around and called back to her.

Rey took a mental picture of that precious fish hook smile on his face. “We did, actually,” she said, channeling her best political tone. “We just didn't finish. We are taught the smell of the reward."

“You make such sound arguments,” he replied as he pushed open the door to the stairwell, and disappeared. Rey heard him whistling and she listened to it until it evaporated, too.

She shut the door behind her and sank to the worn wooden floor. So often after saying goodbye to lovers, one-night-stands and long term partners alike, there was always a gnawing sort of itch that screamed wordlessly inside her chest, a sad sort of wrenching in her stomach and a heavy exhaustion in her brain that pulled her down like cold metal chains until she spent enough numbing hours washing the experience off with a worn-out loofa sponge. 

But as the sun from her living room window blinked through on its gradual revolve and hit her face right where she sat, Rey felt weightless. Calm. Peaceful. Her mind was empty, her heart was full.

Ben stepped outside Rey’s building into the bustling snowy Friday morning, and inhaled the freshness that came with this New York City system reboot that he’d always loved so dearly.

He wondered what Rey was thinking. Feeling. 

The last time he’d spent the night with someone in any form, he’d left carrying the filth of the night before, the _wrongness_ of the interaction despite how pleasurable it may have been, the dread of his own insecurity, his own pain, his own fear. And although there was still much to be uncovered between him and Rey, as he left her beautifully modest building, her magnetic presence, he’d never felt cleaner in his life.

  
  


_________________

  
  


Shortly after he left, she sent him a message.

REY: Thank you for staying the night :) It really meant a lot to me.

BEN: Gross.

BEN: Thank you for letting me, and for all that BREAKFAST. Seriously, I came over to spend more time with you. It was perfect. How’s the uterus?

REY: Taking the day off.

BEN: Don’t put anything random up there.

REY: Be safe at work!

BEN: Okay, deal

Rey sent him a gif of Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant doing a green screen handshake where their hands did not line up whatsoever, from a virtual sketch they had done on SNL during the world’s initial lockdown years before. 

When the message downloaded, Ben had a fit of giggles, his cheeks blushing red at the reminder of just how specific yet accessible her humour was and wondered how long it had been since he’d met anyone that spoke to him the way she did.

The rest of their Fridays were quiet - Ben spent his handling the start of the weekend tourists and influential customers, Rey spent the night alone finishing leftover projects and marking while working on a rather exquisite pot of Kraft dinner. 

She was halfway through a particularly spicy glass of ginger ale and halfway through _101 Dalmatians_ when Ben texted her again.

BEN: Hi! I can’t stop thinking about you. Can you talk for a minute?

Rey’s heart did a crooked somersault and she covered her face from her own blush after reading the message.

_Why, why, why do those words feel as bubbly as the ginger in my stomach?_

_Why are they warm like dry red wine, wet and hot like ice on the tongue and soft and pink like a heart-shaped pillow?_

_What makes those words special?_

Rey didn’t have enough answers for her own questions, but she suddenly was very much not thinking about what Cruella de Vil would be like in the bedroom anymore. 

REY: Oh hi!! You read my mind. Yes please :)

She didn’t have to wait long to hear Mariah Carey.

“Hello.”

_“How long do you usually let that song play out before you answer the phone?”_

“I took the audio directly from that lawn mower vine, so it’s only six seconds anyway. But I do usually give it a couple repeats just so I don’t seem terribly alone.”

_“Are you?”_

“I’m watching _101 Dalmatians_ and I’m surprisingly not naked.”

_“It’s you being not naked that tells me you aren’t actually alone.”_

“That’s why it’s surprising, I guess, I’m kind of wondering why I haven’t undressed in the time since you called.”

_“There’s always room for improvement. Which Dalmatians? Very important.”_

“The original. The one where the dogs can talk.”

_“Glenn Close is the only good thing about the other ones.”_

“Plus in this one the dogs themselves really carry the plot and they’re more lead characters than their humans.”

_“Exactly! Roger and Anita are kind of useless besides just being hot together.”_

If Rey thought she couldn’t smile any bigger, her mind was changed when he started singing the Cruella de Vil theme song.

“You can trumpet _and_ sing?”

_“Nope, just that song. I’m otherwise tone-deaf and you haven’t actually heard me trumpet. I hope you know Cruella on piano.”_

“I can learn.” Rey smiled, snuggling deeper beneath her blankets. “How’s your shift? How did your signing go?”

_“Good, good. My landlord is this older Canadian woman who is inches away from just paying me to live there. But I love it. It’s super cute. I’m so excited to move and use all of my space. Work is fine, Fennec isn’t here so I have to deal with ye olde nut sack myself.”_

She snorted. “Snoke is whatever happens after ‘old nut sack’.”

It warmed her to hear Ben’s goofy little giggle on the other end of the line. _“What else did you do today?”_

She sighed. “I went outside for a bit and took a walk in the snow before the sun went down. It was lovely. So much fluff.”

_“I bet you couldn’t stop smiling.”_

“I can’t wait to make snowballs and snowpeople in the park.”

_“That’s gonna be wild. I need to dig out my snowsuit.”_

“You have a snowsuit?”

_“I do. It’s for skiers, though. I just found it at a second-hand store and couldn’t not buy it since it’s rare to find anything that tall. And I had a question I wanted to ask you, before I have to go back.”_

“Okay, I’m all ears.”

_“Why did you thank me for staying the night?”_

“Oh. Um, I thought it was just really thoughtful and kind of you to stay with me especially after what happened. Or what didn’t happen.”

_“Did you think - ”_ she heard him pause.

She swallowed. “Yeah, I suppose I did for a minute.”

There was a lump in Ben’s throat; she heard it loud and clear. _“Well, I’m sorry if what you thought gave you any worry or anxiety. Whatever it is, I’m here for those feelings.”_

“Oh, Ben,” Rey began. 

“I have to go back to work,” he said with the smile in his voice now, “Text me?”

“I will. Be safe,” she repeated.

“I know.”

But those words sounded almost holy, the way they slipped from him.

  
  


______________

  
  


The next morning, the last of it before the turning of noon, Ben received the only call his heart had been pounding for. They’d exchanged memes earlier so he knew she was awake.

_“Have you gone Christmas shopping yet?”_

“Unintentionally.”

_“Would you like to do it intentionally with me today? And then dinner?”_

“Shopping and then dinner?”

_“Yeah, I’m a before-dinner-shopping person,”_ Rey replied.

“Meet me at the Disney store at two-thirty.”

_“Done.”_

Ben dropped his phone, giddy with excitement.

Admittedly for Rey, half of the hour was spent choosing what to wear, and the rest actually eating something while making herself look presentable. She rushed to catch the bus nearest to her building, and nearly missed it. As she made her way through the early Christmas crowds, the butterflies in her stomach multiplied - a feeling she hadn’t registered in years, and kept her eyes open for who would be the tallest and most breathtaking person in the store. 

Skillfully dodging a giant Elsa on her way through the doors, just trying to make ends meet by snapping masked selfies, Rey’s head was turned back when she heard a small child scream. 

She watched the little one sobbing in the adult’s arms at the sight of the oversized princess and Rey found herself longing to be the person comforting them. How useless her arms felt when she saw someone her age holding a baby. How dull and empty. How silly of her to even daydream of such things.

Just when she turned her attention away, her phone rang.

“ _I’m in the_ Frozen _section. Kinda pissed there's no fish sticks."_

“What a coincidence. Look tall,” Rey informed him with a smile as she stood on her tiptoes to seek out her destination.

She rounded a corner and found him inspecting the Elsa and Anna dolls. Trusting it was him, she began to step closer, but the real Ben gently took her arm and guided her back from the situation. With a surprised little gasp, she met his smiling eyes and said, “Turns out there’s actually someone taller than you, here. I had to kiss him just to be sure he wasn’t you.” Her nose was running from the cold - she rummaged through her coat pocket for a tissue.

“I can confirm that for you." He bent down to press his lips softly against hers, but with a firm promise of things beyond the appropriate demographic for a Disney store. He held her arms closely, and felt her grip at the sleeves of his coat when her eyes fluttered shut. He pulled away with a refreshing breath. "Thank G-d you’re here. I need that power of deduction.”

The two of them suppressed a couple of absurd laughs as they quickly dodged the situation and sought after _The Incredibles._

“What’s your criteria?” 

“Fuck, Marry, Whatever. Bob, Helen, and Edna.”

They stood side by side in front of the dolls, Rey’s brow knit in thought. “Fuck Bob, Marry Helen, Tell Edna, ‘It’s Not You, It’s Me’. Go.”

“Fuck Bob, Marry Helen, Politely Refer Edna to a Friend.”

"Whenever I hear Holly Hunter's voice it's like a Pavlovian response - I just instantly start visualizing that dump truck of an ass."

Ben snorted precociously, after trying to hold it in. Rey smiled at his outburst until they caught the eye of a mortified parent and a child blocking their ears. Ben muttered, "Gosh, Rey, some way you have with kids. What kind of teacher are you?"

Rey cackled, catching Ben nudging her with his feet. Neither could internally decide whose smile made the others bigger. 

And it appeared as though he’d spent as much time as she had deciding which of his clothes in which he looked best, and _succeeded_ . He had a black peacoat with the collar down, a pair of fashionable but sturdy winter walking boots, and an olive green scarf to compliment the navy blue of his vintage jeans. The denim cut was straight out of something from _Godspell,_ and part of her wished her legs were that long so she could wear them _._ His hair was as delightful as the day before, and long enough to cover his ears so that he didn’t need a hat. 

“You look smashing, by the way,” Rey told him.

“Thank you. I’m proud of it. You’ve nailed the Sagittarius chic, too.”

She had donned a grey beret to match her long grey coat over a crimson turtleneck sweater and black jeans, accented by a pair of chunky snow boots. “Thanks, it’s been so long since I wore this turtleneck I can’t tell what is neck and what is turtle,” she explained. 

“That sounds awful. Where to next?”

“Anywhere.”

As Ben led the way out of the store, Rey had to trail behind, but she sort of liked it. He naturally lumbered on ahead of her, and she had to go nearly twice the speed to catch up with him.

She wanted to reach out and take his hand, and only partially on the matter of speed. Older voices in her head told her not to rush.

As though he could hear it all, he looked back and extended a hand as they got caught in a wave of tourists, and not another thought formed as she took it. But that didn’t count. 

They ventured out into the Saturday afternoon, each wondering if the other would invite a kiss, but figuring that hand-holding was a big enough step for the two of them. For now. Yet it was more of a finger-hook at the moment since the crowd had dissipated, and neither of them seemed to commit beyond that. 

“Fascinating that I’m nervous about actually maybe holding your hand when the first thing we did was have sex,” Ben said as they waited at the crosswalk. 

“It’s a different currency now,” Rey said. “Sex is supposed to be dispensable to our generation and younger. Mundane. Expected. It’s the icebreaker. Now hand-holding is the ‘big-step’.”

“That part sounds real.” Ben met her eyes curiously, not a hint of concern in his eyes, only fascination, like he said. “Do you see it that way?”

“Actually, no. I think sex can be special even between two total strangers, and there’s nothing wrong with that being the first thing that you do. It’s a language. Everyone communicates differently. Some wait years. Months. A certain amount of dates. Some do it right away. Some have babies first and then get married. Some spend their lives together and never do either. Some save sex solely for the person they marry and have babies after. Some just want to have fun and have sex with whomever they fancy. It’s all human.”

Ben smiled. “And the hand-holding?”

“Well, what do you think?”

“I think I’ve spent a long time judging myself for what I want.”

Rey tucked her free hand further in her pocket, willing the light not to turn just yet. “And what do you want?”

Ben shrugged. “To keep holding your hand.”

She blushed, trying to suppress a grin in her cheeks as they watched the meter across the street, their fingers rearranging themselves so that they could no longer tell whose were whose. 

The light changed, and they crossed the street.


	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before-dinner shopping people do some before-dinner shopping and then dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I can't believe I cranked this chapter out so fast. Patting myself on the back for this one, babes, and super excited about one of the lil reveals I've been waiting to drop <3 Thank you so much for reading!!! Your comments mean the world to me!

After visiting the nearest thrift stores, they trudged down the snowy sidewalk with their shopping bags suspended from each arm. Most of Rey’s were smaller, and she managed to carry them all on one side. As it began to snow, she reached over to offer to take one of Ben’s extra bags. 

He glanced down at her hand before shifting all of his baggage over to the opposite arm so he could take her hand again. Rey flushed. “I was trying - yeah, this works too,” she laughed. 

They went to dinner at Hell’s Kitchen and let their faces warm up as their boots played with each other under the table.

“What are your plans for the holidays?” Ben asked, flipping through the menu.

Rey sighed pleasantly. “Oh, I expect to watch the two _Mamma Mia_ movies back to back and in reverse order a few times. You really can enjoy the sequel as a prequel, too.”

Ben’s eyes brightened as he met hers. “What are your favourite songs? From both of them.”

She put her menu down, unable to focus on anything beyond that question and already decided on a heaping plate of nachos that they would sort of share but she’d finish all on her own. “Oh, gosh. ‘Super Trouper’, ‘Why Did It Have To Be Me’, ‘My Love, My Life’, ‘Fernando’, ‘When I Kissed the Teacher’, ‘Does Your Mother Know’...I could go on. Your turn.”

Ben sucked his teeth, returning to his menu again. “I know all of those songs, my mom loves ABBA, but I’ve never actually seen the movies.”

Rey’s jaw dropped halfway to hell. “You’re kidding. Your mom has, though, right?”

“Oh, yeah, she’s all over them. But I haven’t lived at home in over a decade and when I’m there it’s usually too brief to watch movies. I’ve always felt kind of weird watching musicals by myself. I feel like you should have someone to sing along with or freak out about them with.”

“I’ll freak out about them with you. Name any musical you want, I’ll freak out about it with you.”

“Is that one your favourite?”

“If it’s not, it’s very close. They’re just so full of colourful, sparkly joy and the music is so catchy and melodic and exciting and emotional that it just carries the plot perfectly and takes you along with it. Plus, Meryl Streep is the mother I’ve always wanted, so I always cry like an absolute baby.”

“I’m sold.”

“Do you have a favourite?”

“I think I’ll get the nachos, too. I imagine you don’t want to share.” He put his menu down with a smile. “Probably _Godspell._ ”

“Fuck. The original?”

“Honestly the only reason I still believe in God.”

“Were you raised like that?”

“Yeah, Roman Catholic. But my parents have had to bounce around a bit to find the right church over the years. There can be lots of problematic people in church, as I’m sure you’ve gathered. But they’ve landed on one that they love, and Kaydel and I have been a few times. It’s a breathtaking experience.”

She grinned. “Sounds like _Godspell._ What’s your favourite song?”

He exhaled through his lips and leaned back against the booth. “I can’t….okay. ‘Turn Back O Man’, ‘Day by Day’, ‘Beautiful City’ and the Finale, easy. I make that an annual event. Every Easter or bust. Your turn.”

She liked the view from where she leaned on her turtleneck sleeve elbows and watched him as he talked about his upbringing and his family, who sounded more fascinating every time. “Over the years I’ve realized that Rick Shutter’s drumming is a musical language that makes my vagina do that thing where it, sort of…” she made a vague and tingly motion with her fingers. “You know.”

Ben launched forward to meet her halfway, eyes blazing with excitement, his jaw shifting in between his words. “I can’t believe you passed up the opportunity to say that Rick Shutter makes your vagina flutter."

Her face lit up with a laugh, impassioned by the subject. “He just rips up those songs and puts them back together again all in the same lick. I go absolutely batshit when I listen to that album _._ ”

“I bet you’re fun on road trips.” He leaned his chin on his fist, concentrating only on the words that came from her very eyes.

“I promise I would be, if I ever went. I’m not all mommy issues and baby fever.” She raised her glass to drink.

“You’ve never taken a road trip?” Ben asked, alert to the possibility. 

She put the water down with emphasis, smacking her lips. “You’re catching on.”

Their food arrived promptly, but for a moment Ben thought of mentioning the fact that he had a very old car in storage that he only drove to Jersey at Christmas and Easter. It was a family heirloom that his father had entrusted to both of his children living in the city just to ensure they would get home for the holidays. Ben had a dull ache every time he thought about it just sitting there useless, and half of his soul couldn’t wait to get out of the city so he could give it a full life before it couldn’t drive anymore.

“Are you going somewhere for Christmas? Will you see your family?” Rey asked as they shared Ben’s trusty sanitizer and dug into their separate plates of nachos.

“Yeah, I’ll be going to Jersey for a week or so around Christmas Eve. Fennec and I have it worked out that we both get at least that time off from the restaurant.”

“Is Fennec's family in the city?"

“She has relatives in Macau, but her parents and siblings are here and she lives with her wife a few streets down from me.”

Ben could feel Rey’s gaydar going off. “She has a wife! What’s her wife’s name?”

“Cara.”

“Oh, gosh, I bet she’s lovely.”

“You think my thighs could crush you….Cara could crush me with one arm. But she’s a lawyer.”

“So she would, if it was legal.”

Ben exhaled an honest little laugh that made Rey blush with pride. 

“Tell me you seriously aren’t going to be alone for Christmas. Do you spend time with Finn and Poe?”

“Only so much. I swear I have other friends, too. We usually go out for drinks and see movies and things. Maybe a musical. I have a coupon for one extra therapy session, so I’ll be seeing my therapist, too.” Ben stopped eating for a moment and she quickly assured him, “Oh my G-d, no, Ben, I’m overdramatizing. I’m so sorry, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“You know that sentence doesn’t really do anything.” He smiled weakly, that precious little fish hook smile that made Rey’s thighs quiver and heart swell.

“Evidently not.” She reached out for his free hand and squeezed it, pressing her thumb into his palm gently. “I’m a big girl. I’m okay with being alone. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. At least not for a long time.” She let go of his hand, and felt his fingers wish she’d stayed. She almost did. “Please keep eating.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, but comfortable, before Rey asked again, “What’s Christmas like at your parents’ place?”

He thought about it for a moment, and she saw the wheels turning in his head. “Always Christmas music. Lots of Quartette, lots of the Platters, a healthy amount of Charlie Brown, the occasional Elvis song because we don’t really like Elvis but we like that one Santa Claus song….”

“‘Santa Claus is Back in Town’?” She clarified. Ben nodded. She bit into another fully loaded chip. “I used to be able to play that solo. Such a sexy song. Sorry, continue.”

“My parents would make you play it if you told them that. They absolutely believe that once you learn something it never really goes away. Especially an instrument.”

“Oh my G-d, when can I meet them?” It was a rhetorical question, but the half that was serious certainly got Ben’s attention.

“Well, we celebrate all twelve days of Christmas, so they’ll be having a little party on January sixth, but I get it if that’s a little on the nose for you.”

“I consider meeting parents to be just like making two new older friends, so I don’t have any reservations about timing. It’s entirely up to you. Whatever you’re comfortable with, I don’t take that sort of thing personally. Are you dog people or cat people? Or neither people?”

Ben found himself refreshed by her natural rhythm and cadence. “We have a dog, an Tibetan Mastiff.”

“Mate, he’s bigger than you!” Rey said, astonished.

“All I ever wanted was a cat, but Kaydel was allergic.”

“Are you a cat person?”

“Religiously.”

“Why don’t you have a cat now?”

“I did, but he ran away. Now I’ve been caught up in moving I figured I’d try to get one once I’m settled again. I also just haven’t found one that really connected with me yet."

"I'm sorry about your cat," she said. "I'm sure that was upsetting."

"Well, thanks. No more questions for now. Do you have a preference?”

She shrugged, heaping more guacamole on her plate. “You said no more questions.”

“For me. Now it’s my turn to ask you.”

“Alright, I consent to that.”

“Cats or dogs?”

“Cats. Kittens. Real fluffy ones.”

“Baby Yoda or Baby Groot?”

“Who’s Baby Yoda?”

Ben brushed it off. “Oh, it was this obscure Russian cartoon we watched as kids. It was probably a hallucination.”

Without missing a beat, she answered, “Well, Baby Groot makes me want to rip out my ovaries and eat them, so if Baby Yoda was anything like that, I’m sure I’d feel the same. I also may be sexually attracted to Rocket. But apparently Bradley Cooper is a dick to work with so that dampened my fantasy.”

Ben was half-finished with his plate, and Rey was already a few bites ahead of him.

“What was your gay awakening?” Ben asked with delighted intent, genuinely curious to know.

Rey nearly choked as she softly gasped. “Fuck me. Um….” her brain searched its storage. “I think first it was Ingrid and Gregorio in _Spy Kids._ And Floop. I think deep down I just could sense that Alan Cumming was bisexual and that he really wanted something to happen between the three of them. I wasn’t complaining.”

“Fuck. Ingrid’s choker.”

“The hair!” She agreed.

“The hair,” he echoed.

“But only the first movie. Something changed after that.”

“The hair.”

“The hair,” she repeated in understanding. “Johnny Depp and Penélope Cruz in the _Pirates_ series were also _huge_ for me. And Tarzan. Something about the gorgeous androgyny and physique. And then when Miley Cyrus’ “Can’t Be Tamed” music video came out, that was also a pretty big game-changer. So every few years I have another discovery and I am reborn. Your turn.”

“You’ve got impeccable taste, first of all.” He finished off another chip. “Did you say Tarzan?”

“Well, as you can imagine I really identified with Jane on multiple levels.” She emphasized her accent and flicked her brunette hair over her shoulder.

Ben dropped his chip and covered his eyes. Rey paused. "What?"

“Oh, G-d, this is so embarrassing now,” Ben lamented, and Rey couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying. Could’ve very well been both.

In solidarity, she tried not to laugh, reaching for his arm. “Ben, come on, you can say it, I won’t laugh. Unless you want me to. But I’ll probably laugh anyway.”

He dropped his hands below his eyes to meet her gaze, and he was certainly laughing. “Mine was Jane.”

Rey processed it before letting out an absurd cackle, and the two of them were in tears, practically collapsed on the table. When they finally surfaced, she reached for his hand again and they helped bring each other down from the red-faced giggles.

“Have you dated anyone else who fits the bill?”

“No, actually, which I think is why I hadn’t really registered it until you brought up Tarzan. I hope that isn’t weird for you.”

“G-d no, Jane is hot as fuck. They both are. I’m completely honoured. Do you feel weird?”

“Nope. Tarzan fucks.” 

“We’re a psychology experiment waiting to happen.”

They’d nearly finished off their dinner, before Ben broke the brief silence. “So I’m moving tomorrow; would you maybe want to spend the night tonight?”

She swallowed. “Are you sure I won’t be a distraction?”

“I’m not at all sure.” He downed the last of his water, keeping his eyes on her.

With her fork lingering between her teeth, the way they seemed to be watching each other was penetrated with a spark of all that their bodies had said to each other on their first meeting, just over a week ago. How much their souls had said since then. 

“I do have a special place in my heart for that bathtub.”

“Yeah, apparently I can’t take it with me.”

“I’ve never gone anywhere without a toothbrush and clean underwear, so I’m sold.”

She felt the toe of his boot against the soft underside of her calf, and strangely felt the familiar hotness between her thighs. Maybe it was the soft eye contact, the full stomach, the comfortable proximity. But it felt almost too poetic to say anything. At least not about that.

“So you believe in God?”

He blinked an extra time. “Yeah, I do.”

“What does your family think about homosexuality?”

“They celebrate it. Always have. But we’ve had to deal with our fair share of ‘hate the sin, love the sinner’ neighbours and ‘friends’. My parents have been going to pride parades since before I was born - they both have shirts that say ‘free mom hugs’ and ‘dad hugs’ and stuff like that. But Kaydel - um, she came out at around fourteen and it was particularly….I have an uncle, that blonde uncle we were talking about when we met, and he’s caused a lot of shit with our family. I won’t, um, get into it now, but my point was that I was raised in a house where believing in a God and celebrating queerness went hand-in-hand.”

Rey had instantly felt his comfort shift when he first looked away and said ‘um’. Her ears pricked up and wondered what the chord that had been struck could be. “Well, if you ever do feel like getting into it, I’d really love to hear it. I suppose I have a lot of questions.”

Ben smiled at her and nodded, taking a breath of release. He insisted quite firmly on paying the bill this time, and they began to don their winter effects. 

Once they’d slipped out of the booth, Ben glanced down to find her staring up at him. 

“There’s something about you, Ben. Something I really want to know.”

He felt himself start to sweat and wondered why such a simple statement had the power to do so. “What?”

They piled on their shopping bags and she explained, “What’s Ben short for?”

Ben laughed, relieved, as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his wallet, where he retrieved the receipt from their dinner and handed it to her. “Merry Christmas.”

She smoothed out the crease as her eyes quickly searched for the cardholder’s name, scanning excitedly, fingers buzzing with anticipation before she finally found it.

“Oh my G-d. Your name is Benvolio?”

But when she looked up, he was no longer there. She glanced around and shortly saw him through the window, gesturing sort of bashfully for her to come outside. Her feet had never carried her so fast.

The door swung open and her face was met with the cold chill, but the warmth of his goofy smile made up for it.

“You can tease," he said, already braced for what came next. "I’ve had thirty-three years of tolerance practice.”

Rey shook her head, reaching for his coat pocket. “Oh, darling, no.” She tucked the receipt safely back inside it and hoped he could see everything she was trying to say even in the shadows of the buildings.

Even after nine days of learning the other person, nothing could have prepared him in that moment for the way the word ‘darling’ sounded from her mouth for his ears only. Or how safe he felt by the simple act of her putting the slip of paper back in his pocket, returning the little secret to its place. 

“Ben, it’s brilliant. I think so, at least. I was half-expecting 'Benedict' and I started worrying I would feel sexually attracted to the former pope.”

He exhaled a little laugh. “Nobody has ever actively called me that name. My parents were together nearly ten years before they had me and they were seeing _Romeo and Juliet_ at the Globe on their honeymoon. They’re rebels who didn’t want their kids names to ever be found on keychains.”

“I think that’s really sweet. I’m so glad they didn’t name you after anyone who dies.”

“Yeah, Ben’s the peacemaker.”

Rey tried with everything she had to read him, to embrace him without an immediate touch, noticing his brown eyes turning richer in the Christmas lights. “And deeply misunderstood.”

Ben felt her silvery irises touching some part of his tension, some knot in his stomach that told him to defend himself, to protect himself, and he acknowledged it as it softened, as it quieted. 

He took a step forward and she met him halfway. It was a cold but tender kiss, dimly dreamy and yet, somehow, grounded as ever. 


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Han and Leia. And some frisky stuff.

“Do you need an extra hand moving tomorrow?”

“Probably not, but I’ll call you if you’re offering.”

The door to Ben’s apartment closed with a heavy click behind them as Rey hung up her coat and abandoned her boots, heading into the kitchen to wash her hands.

Ben heard her runny nose sniffling from the frosty outdoors and passed her the tissue box from his cubby by the door.

  
“Thanks,” she said with a rosy-cheeked smile. Once her hands were clean and dry, she padded back into the hallway and observed several boxes, mostly labeled with neat block letters that said KITCHEN or CLOTHES, and the occasional smaller package labelled ENTERTAINMENT.

“What’s in these ones?” 

Ben glanced up from where he was taking off his boots, for it took him a little longer than Rey to remove his winter effects given that there was more of him that needed covering. “Entertainment?”

“Yeah, have you got like a jack-in-the-box in there or something?”

He shrugged, finally free of his things and heading into the kitchen to wash his hands. “Guess you’ll have to open it.”

“Is it gonna jump out at me?”

He popped his head out momentarily. “Only if it really is a jack-in-the-box and you decide to open it.”

“Ben, I don’t like surprises. ”

“Then you probably shouldn’t open it.”

“But I want to know what’s in it.”

“Okay, open it.”

Rey laughed nervously, wringing her hands under the weight of the suspense, and double-checked with Ben who now leaned against the wall with his arms playfully crossed, a dish towel over his shoulder. He smiled at her encouragingly. She looked back down at the marked cardboard.

“Bollocks, don’t know why in the bloody hell I’m scared,” she reasoned before rather comically opening the four panels of the box at once, preemptively squealing and looking away.

But of course, nothing happened, which she quickly realized, and looked to Ben once she saw that the box contained nothing but a few records, a modest collection of books, and less than ten DVDs. 

“You liar.”

Ben just shrugged at her before turning to head back into the kitchen. “I never lied. Check your sources.”

“You said - ”

“I said it would only jump out at you if it was a jack-in-the-box and you opened it anyway.” He hung up the towel again and headed to join her, peering into the box with her. “It’s very tempting when I see all of this stuff not in its place to want to take it out and put it back.”

“I know that feeling. I’m very particular about my space. It can be messy, but everything has a spot.”

“Are you one of those people who has a paper clip lying around on the floor somewhere and if someone asks you for one you know exactly where it is on the floor?”

“Oh, absolutely. And if it’s suddenly not there I get rather disoriented and have to rethink everything. I always have the same two elastics next to my bed for when I braid my hair at night; I never put them anywhere else. And my desk is usually a mess but I can find everything.”

Ben seemed only surface-level horrified. “What kind of a mess?”

“Oh, just papers and cords and pens and chapstick and things.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, that’s normal. Chapstick?”

She looked up. “Yeah?”

He glanced back down. “Chapstick. Hm.”

“What do you call it?”

He shrugged. “Chapstick.” 

Her smile started in her ears and the heat of it travelled down to her neck, all the way to the peaks of her sleeping nipples. “Do you like a specific brand or a particular kind?”

“I cannot go _anywhere_ without some kind of mint stuff. I’m a drama queen and a half when it comes to my lips. I can’t even sleep without that,” his voice changed to that of a heavy-duty commercial voice advertisement, “ _ultra cooling power_.”

“It pays off. And it definitely tastes nice, too.”

“So what do you use? Because if it’s mint, I haven’t been able to tell if it‘s you or me.”

“I usually use some kind of mint, or lemon, or grapefruit. I like the spicy stuff.” She finished flipping through the collection in the box. “You don’t have a copy of _Godspell_.”

“Yeah I do, here - ”

“No, the album.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’ve never been able to find it, I guess. It’s pretty rare. People really seem to love the new version.”

She was quiet for a minute as she watched him scan the back of the DVD case with a lens of nostalgia.

“I found the finale to be a lot noisier than the original. Like the guitar just comes right in, shredding away like it’s already been soloing for several minutes and we’re just sort of arriving late. There’s no build up, no exposition, no introduction to the musical number.”

“Yeah, that one just tastes weird. I liked it, though, and Uzo Aduba’s voice is unmatched. I _believe_ everything she’s saying. That’s really hard to do through song, especially just on a track. I like what they did with “Turn Back, O Man”, too. I never thought that taking away the swing of a song would actually still make it sexy, just in a whole different way.”

Rey beamed. “I love listening to you talk about it. Your cheeks get really red and your breathing just kinda - ” she demonstrated. 

He smiled. “I’m fascinated by your _Mamma Mia_ thing _._ I haven’t experienced those full-body full-spirit tears in a long time.”

“How tall is your mum?”

“Like five-one, why?”

She widened her softly outlined hazel eyes. “We have more than _Mamma Mia_ in common.”

"How tall are you?" Knowing she had at least five inches on his mother. 

"I don't know. Five-something, I guess."

Ben fell hard, distracted by the way her _r_ suddenly appeared in her mouth to blend with the _i_ when she'd said _Mamma Mia_ , when it so rarely was a sound she made at all with her well-worn inflection. So hard, in fact, that he wondered where the hell that ringing was coming from.

“Is that your phone?” Rey asked, heading to the closet to check her belongings for the ringing sound.

Ben quickly retrieved it from his coat pocket, thankful that he’d turned it on after they left the restaurant, for it was none other than his mother.

“Hi,” he answered.

“ _Hi baby, how are you?”_

“I’m great, I’m great, just finishing packing.”

“ _How tired do you think you’ll be tomorrow?”_

He scratched his head, wandering into the bedroom. “Exhausted?”

_“Well honey, I need you to come down early, your dad’s broken his elbow and he can’t finish the flooring in the annex.”_

Ben sighed in concern. _“_ Why is he doing the flooring in the first place?”

“ _It’s like you don’t know him at all.”_

“Shit. Is he okay? Is he at home?”

“ _Yes, he’s in a cast, and he’s pouting._ ”

Ben heard his father grumbling in the background. “ _I am not pouting. Do I look like I’m pouting?”_

_“Of course, not, dear, go lie down.”_

“ _I don’t pout._ _Solo men don’t pout. And we don’t ‘lie down’. You don’t ‘lie down’, right Ben?_ ”

“As far as he's concerned, I've been on my feet my entire life."

_“He’s a different man than you, Han. After thirty-three years you should be thinking about other things.”_

“Mom, I can’t come home until Christmas Eve.”

“ _Ben, you and Fennec are practically running that place at this point, you can close it early for the holidays if you wanted.”_

“Of course I want, but the holidays are our busiest time and Fennec and I have already agreed to swap out starting Christmas Eve, not before.”

It was a strange juxtaposition of sensations as he heard his mother sigh through the phone and Rey’s quiet arms slip around his torso. He still wasn’t used to such easy contact, putting his free hand over hers before glancing over his shoulder to catch her eye. She couldn’t quite reach his cheek so he bent down a little further for a kiss, which she happily provided.

“We have to keep up our solid revenue streak before she and Cara come down on Snoke in January.”

“ _Oh, I love a good court case._ _I wonder if there’s some way you could live stream it_ ….”

“Can Dad seriously wait until I get there? Should I tell Kaydel to go?”

He heard something drop in the background over the phone, like a pile of books toppling over in his father’s aggressive wake. 

“ _Kaydel is not coming to work for me.”_

It was rather funny, but Kaydel and Han were so similar in nature that they simply could not understand one another, nor could they work together under any circumstances. It was a loving, nurturing, father-daughter relationship, but they were no longer allowed to operate staple guns in the same room at the same time.

“ _He can wait,”_ Leia said, sounding as though she were mostly trying to convince Han of that, himself. “ _We just miss you, baby. Your room is ready whenever you get here.”_

“I miss you, too.”

“ _I’ve got my menu plan all drawn up so you won’t have to cook at all while you’re here. I haven’t made goulash since August.”_

Ben made an incomprehensible noise. “That’s too long.”

“ _Does Rey like goulash?_ ”

“Hang on - ” He turned to Rey, “Do you like goulash?”

_“Is she there now?”_

Rey was sort of perplexed and pleased, by the mention of something she’d only tried once and the thought that Ben had been telling his parents about her. She positively _swelled_ with honour and a pinch of sparkling excitement. She shook her head, whispering, “I think I had it once, back in London. I didn’t hate it.”

Ben’s jaw dropped dramatically before neutralizing it to answer his mother. “She’s here, yeah. She hasn’t had it in over ten years, and she says she didn’t hate it.”

Rey giggled when she heard Leia’s loving gasp on the other end. “ _I’ll send some back with you, then; she’ll like mine. She’s not vegan, is she?”_

Ben recited what Rey had told him earlier that week. “She often consumes vegan products, and sometimes makes vegan food, but she strongly prefers eating anything that involves cheese or meat.”

_“Oh, I want to be her friend. Anyway, your father is currently trying to use his protractor with one hand, so I have to go. I love you, son.”_

“I love you, too. Bye,” He ended the call, sitting down on the edge of his bed and taking a breath. 

Rey stood before him, admiring his navy blue cable-knit sweater. “How were they proposing you get home? Do you take the train?”

He reached out for her, hands running smoothly over the tight jeans situated high around her waist and inviting her body closer. “My dad actually keeps our old car here, and gets us to drive it whenever we come home. They have a cute little electric one that they invested in for their last anniversary, so now Kaydel and I get the van.”

“That’s really sweet. Does it have a name?”

“If you didn’t laugh at Benvolio, you might laugh at _Millennium Falcon._ It’s named after the first plane he ever flew.”

Her eyes shone with intrigue. “No way.”

“It’s even funnier when you actually see it and put the name and the car together.”

“The American fascination with the appearance of their cars kind of baffles me.”

“The only thing baffling about ours is that it still runs.”

“Can I sit?”

“Please.”

He helped her situate herself in his lap before she had his face between her soft, chilly palms and they kissed with a slow conviction.

“Is it weird for you if you get an erection after talking to your parents?” She asked.

“No, that’s just a typical Saturday night,” he quipped, eyes alive with the joke.

“Oh, blow my mind, Benvolio,” she flirted, voice a couple of gentle tones lower than usual, matched with the promising intent on her face before swooping in to capture his gloriously full lips in a kiss.

Ben marvelled at her mouth, how smooth and sacred it was with every move, every exchange with her tongue, every sweet little moan that he coaxed out of her with his hands palming her ass and the deep trembling in his chest when she breathed ever so hotly over his ears. He grounded himself on the feeling of her thighs clenching around his waist. 

“I want to try some things we talked about; do you have a safe word?”

“Um, ‘turtleneck’ works,” she replied, brimming with an eager, hungry spirit.

“I also answer to ‘fax machine’, so we have options. Let’s get this thing off,” he replied as together they got her real turtleneck over her head, and followed up with his own shirt. Rey shivered as the warmth of their skin became connected as one heat, one sensation broken up into a million little sub-sensations. Ben’s mouth watered at the sight of her size B breasts as he unclipped her bra with ease, deeply enjoying how much more he could fit in his mouth at once, how sensitive they were, how hot to the touch were the undersides when he got his tongue at them. Rey was still kind of reeling at how good he was at removing the clasps, it took her a few moments to catch up to every little move.

But they sighed contentedly together as she gently pushed him back onto the bed. “Am I allowed to try things, too?” she asked. 

Ben swallowed, eyes watching her every muscle as she crawled over him, trailing her warm lips over his treasure trail and the point of her tongue across the arch of his chest. “Well, please. What did you have in mind?” he choked out.

She didn’t answer verbally, but only caressed the pink buds of his nipples with her mouth, her free hand palming his _breathtaking_ bulge through his jeans, stroking it with a tantalizing friction he could only recall from his early teenhood.

“Shit, that’s something.” He shut his eyes, rubbing a hand over his forehead and into his hair, feeling heat rising up to his face. She didn’t answer, only smiled as she kissed and sucked the smooth divet of his throat. 

“You’re something else,” she marvelled, tracing her nose and lips over the unmarked terrain of his shoulders and jaw.

“Take your pants off,” he requested determinedly, and she flipped over onto her side to wiggle out of them. He rolled over to help her, but she urged him back.

“Stay right there, let me top you for a hot second.”

Ben laughed as he obeyed and she tossed her pants to the floor before straddling him again, letting his hand find her dampness between her legs, cupping it hungrily while his other hand rested behind his head. She liked how relaxed and focused he looked while still as nervous and attentive; it gave her confidence to keep going. 

She ran her hands through her hair as it came completely down, hips responding to the prompts from his fingers as they teased her through her underwear. The thongs she wore were regular cotton and the most comfortable things she had, contrary to popular opinion, and they certainly held no secrets when Ben simply appeared in her thoughts and had her instantly hot. It was almost unbearable when he was actually touching her, controlling her every move. 

“Hey, pretty,” Ben said softly. “I like the way you look in these.”

She bit her lip, chest swelling just a little more than usual. “I like it when you talk to me like that. You can go a little further, if you want.”

He shook his head in weary frustration. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”

She kissed his lips tenderly, brushing the softness of his mouth with her tongue and smiling as he hummed in surprise. When their lips came apart, she reassured him gently, "I promise I'll tell you if you do. We can just avoid that angle for a while. Are you okay with that?"

"You're so beautiful," he marvelled, eyes meeting hers. "I'm okay if you are."

It was now that Ben sat up, and she followed him as he scooted back to rest against the wall so he could have a more secure hold on her. His eyes darkened with her invitation, and she felt her own telltale wetness smothering her underwear.

“Come here, baby,” he demanded, but Rey detected the sweetness was fuelled by a firmer tone, and she felt him emphasizing _here_ , commanding her in a way that every part of her _ached_ to say yes to. 

And Rey thanked whatever God Ben believed in for the way that word sounded from his lips for her ears only. _Baby._

he spread her knees apart further and let her hips contact his, where his firmness beneath the thick denim pressed delightfully against her.

“Do you want something from me?” Rey asked sweetly, eyes glowing with already feeling the answer, but then Ben did something that Ben seemed to do best.

Ben surprised her. 

“I want to make you scream.”

Now it was Rey’s turn to swallow, wondering if any of her drool had accidentally escaped. 

He slipped his fingers over the lace and cotton of her thong and over the round softness of her ass before he gave it a testing _slap._

Rey’s toes nearly cramped from just that simple gesture. Ben’s brow knit in overwhelming pleasure when he heard her sound, seeing her face contort, and wasn’t sure how long either of them would last if they kept at it like this.

With her left hand, she unbuckled his pants and undid them just enough to get her hand around the heat of his cock, and he felt the supple flesh of her waist stretch where his fingers dug in.

She combed her free hand through his softly conditioned hair, her other using a gentle, _massive_ firmness around his length between her thighs. 

“You know, after I left London I never expected to see Big Ben, again.”

Ben paused only for a second, lost in those eyes, before snorting his infectious laugh. Rey held him close as they shared it, and the night became a blissful blend of learning what the other person liked, interludes for talking, giggling, and the simple pleasure of touching one another. Bathing, falling asleep, and waking up together. It was more than enough for the two strangers. 


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Kaydel. Moving Day and much-needed sibling therapy.

In the morning, as they lounged in the sun’s wake, tangled in blankets, the quiet was broken when Ben turned on his stomach to look at her. His arms were tucked under his pillow and his voice half-muffled where his cheeks were squeezed together. “How would you feel if I farted right now?”

Rey looked up from where she’d been inspecting and admiring his practically flawless fingernails. When she registered what he’d asked, she lamented, “Oh, thank G-D! Do it.”

He giggled at her relief. “Did you think I just didn’t fart?”

“No, I’m just from England and it’s common knowledge that nobody farts in England so I always forget that you’re allowed to do that here.” She emphasized the exaggeration in her comment with a twitch of her brow and a smile. She rolled over to grab her water bottle in the meantime, and Ben braced himself for impact. The sound it made vibrated the entire bed. 

It admittedly startled Rey as she gaped in awe. “Was that for me?” She sipped her water, still puffy-eyed and oily-faced from sleep.

He shrugged, eyes smiling as he appreciated that he had such a beauty in his bed. “Yeah, I’ve been saving it.”

“Hang on - ” she held out a finger, straightening up her back where she sat against the pillows and let out the most monstrous belch Ben could’ve possibly expected from a woman of her size.

Ben leaned up on his forearms, suddenly wildly concerned. “Holy shit, where were you keeping that?”

She wasn’t even that small in terms of build, which further put into perspective just how absurdly deep and loud it was. And she positively beamed, chugging more water which she now had room for. 

They both quickly realized the smell hadn’t dissipated and Rey took a moment to appreciate her tolerance. Ben waited for her response, suppressing a laugh, still reeling from the resonance of her burp. 

“Cheers to that, mate,” she congratulated, and the two high fived quite proudly.

_________________

  
  


Rey helped him load his boxes into the moving truck, but he insisted he would call her if he needed further help.

So they shared a kiss after sharing breakfast, and Rey went home for the rest of her Sunday.

Ben stepped into his new apartment carrying one of his ENTERTAINMENT boxes, positively beaming at the chance to start over, the amount of money he’d be able to save that he hadn’t been smart enough to do sooner. He thought having the bigger place offered to him was an immediate obligation to say yes. But this space suited him, how small and friendly it was, how bright even for something only on the second - and top - floor as opposed to the twenty-first. That life was lavish, certainly, but he was never the sort of man to believe he would stay there forever. He was lucky enough to have the choice.

It only took ten minutes to load all of his belongings up the single flight of stairs with the help of the driver. He offered them a drink, water or otherwise, which they politely refused, and he paid them extra anyway. 

Alone again, he opened his ENTERTAINMENT box, followed by his speakers, and cheered himself on to the _Godspell_ soundtrack which he streamed from his phone.

By track four he had broken a sweat, now enjoying his own company to the sultry tones of “Turn Back, O Man”. He cracked a window at sunset to cool the place down, for he couldn’t handle his own heat. 

When the early darkness fell, he’d mostly unpacked and folded his empty boxes and lined them up neatly in his closet. The new space gave him an excuse to colour-code his wardrobe finally. 

But when the album ended, the apartment got quiet. He checked his phone after the hour of ignoring it, and found Rey’s GIF message of Gilmer and Robin in _Godspell_ tickling each other’s noses. 

**REY:** A little encouragement to get you moved into your beautiful place safely. Thank you for letting me celebrate your last night in the castle with you ;) You’re a king in my eyes! xoxo

He didn’t need to check his face for the smile she gave him. 

**BEN:** Thank you so much for this gif, I definitely wasn’t dancing to the album half-naked for the last hour

He set his phone down on the counter and after a moment of knowing how inappropriate it would be to have her over again since they both had things to do, he suddenly knew exactly who he wanted, and needed, to see instead. 

The phone rang several times before she picked up. _“Brother. Are you ill?_ ”

“No. Dad is.”

“ _His fucking elbow, man. His elbow?"_

“Yeah, it’s all over the Jersey tabloids. Can you come over for dinner?”

“ _‘Can I come ov ’ - ”_ She teased before giving up, already starving. “ _Yeah,_ _I’m on my way.”_

He sent her his new address, and was fully clothed by the time she arrived, a couple of ciders in hand. They were wrapped in her favourite freezer bag that she claimed was the only thing that made her truly feel like an adult. For a twenty-five year old, she enjoyed spending time with her older sibling and giving him advice like she always did so well. Ben supposed she was his only lifelong friend. And they both liked that.

Kaydel hustled through the door and he took her coat as she passed, letting it slip off of her as she muttered, “This is the only reason I got excited when you went to food school. Nice place,” she added, inspecting his new coordinates. 

“I needed some reason for you to still talk to me.”

“I noticed you said ‘can I’ as opposed to ‘would I like to’ or ‘do I want to’,” she commented as she uncorked the two bottles, using her own tool she’d brought from home. “As though I had a choice. I will _never_ be refusing your food, or your problems, for future reference. Or your well-being. I really love this new place.”

His sister was short, like their mother, and built with the even tone of muscle characteristic of a youthful apprentice boxer. She had natural blonde hair, truly like their uncle, but with their father’s unmistakeable hazel eyes. Kaydel wore her hair in two topknots most often, but tonight - for the weekend, as she liked to explain - it was down and pulled back with a headband. He liked to say she had a heart much bigger than his, and she would argue that it meant she couldn’t even carry the weight of her own. When she was born, Ben swore he would never let a day go by when he didn’t let her know how much he loved his sister. 

“My boss told me my new piercing was ‘offensive’ so don’t be mad at me when I say I might have to look for a new job soon - ”

But Ben cut her off as he held out his arms to her for a hug. She glanced up at him before quietly and happily embracing him back, arms tightly around his torso.

“I always forget how much I miss you until I, like, see you. How much I miss just being home.”

Her voice was muffled against shirt, but he understood. “Have you started to smell that place now that you have your own? Like, once you live somewhere else consistently for a year or more, when you go back home does it suddenly have a smell or does your brain instantly remember and acknowledge no smell?”

Kaydel inhaled deeply and sighed, “I’m glad you think about these things so I don’t - " She sniffed again. "Do I smell coitus?"

“Spaghetti hug,” Ben shouted before going limp in her arms, just balancing on his toes with his head hung back as she caught him. Kaydel burst out in her boisterous laugh, the one that taught Ben to be as funny as he could possibly be. 

He stood upright again as though nothing happened and picked up one of the bottles. “Cheers,” he said as their drinks clinked and they began to lapse into sibling behaviour once again. 

“How’s your nutsack of an employer?"

Ben paused with his lips just shy of the bottle before answering. He didn’t want to ask if she’d somehow been talking to Rey, but it certainly crossed his mind. “On his way out. Fennec and I have been busy.”

“Fennec sounds hot. Are they hot?”

“I've told you about her."

"Yeah, but is she hot?"

"If you’re into married people.”

“We know this."

“How’s your girlfriend?”

Kaydel brightened. “We’re spending New Year’s together. You should come. Little party uptown.”

“Kind of like an ‘Uptown Funk” or “It’s Quiet Uptown” party?”

“G-d, cut me off from your food supply if I ever go to an “It’s Quiet Uptown” party. I save those for you.”

“So it's an actual _party_ party?”

“Nah, just a gathering.”

“You called Coachella a ‘gathering’ and you weren’t even old enough.”

“Okay, like ten people, tops. _Small_ small. Do you already have plans?”

Ben thought it over for a moment. “No, not yet.”

“Those are big words.”

“I’ve been seeing that girl from Playhouse.”

Kaydel burst at the seams with excitement, playfully punching her brother’s gut, which only garnered a mocking gag sound, but it was a fun ritual. “Speak.”

In a momentary blockage of uncertainty, overwhelmed with where to possibly begin, he just sort of measuredly collapsed to the floor.

Kaydel glanced down. “Oh, we’re going somewhere? I would’ve packed a bag if I knew we were going somewhere….” but she followed like a faithful sister and sat opposite on the linoleum. 

Ben sighed deeply. “I’ve never trusted anybody this fast.”

Kaydel smiled, sipping her cider. “Okay.”

“There’s so much I know we haven’t told each other, given that obviously it’s only been over a week, but I feel like we both just _see_ every bit of the other person. Or are at least open to it. I've given some thought to this, in case it sounds super rehearsed.”

“So have you told her - ”

“No.”

Kaydel nodded. “Okay.”

“Well, I guess I kind of did. I told her I wasn’t picky. But that could mean anything.”

“So does she think you’re - ”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay."

"Maybe."

"Do you want to tell her?”

“Yes. God. More than anything.”

“Is she - ”

"The same.”

“Wouldn’t that make it easier, then?”

“I thought so. But then I met her and suddenly it didn’t matter to me anymore. I don’t see myself as that when I’m around her.”

“Being with her doesn’t make you any less - ”

“No, I know.”

“Are you comparing yourself to her?”

“Probably a little bit. But I don’t want to.”

“How do you think she’ll react if you tell her?”

“She’ll probably wonder why I didn’t tell her sooner.”

Kaydel hummed. “Okay.”

“That was the reason my first girlfriend and I broke up - I don’t know how much you remember. She didn’t think it matched the way I appeared or acted, like I was too masculine to be serious about it. And she wasn’t straight, either.”

“That’s the garbage, isn’t it? People, even other queer people, aren’t attracted to feminine men who identify that way because they think they’re really just gay and they also don’t respect masculine men who identify that way because they’re 'not serious' about it. Either way, people doubt that either of them is serious about their identity and will eventually just ‘pick a side’.”

“So you can understand why I’m not rushing in to tell her.”

“I do, but I also think that you should listen to yourself. I know how hard you fell in high school. If you’re serious about bringing this woman into your life, she deserves to know exactly how you love, and what that was like for you. I would be over the moon if my partner told me something like that. And you deserve that second chance.”

“Well, thanks. I’ll think about it.”

“You are thinking about it.”

“I’ve been thinking about it.”

“New Year’s?”

“Yeah, I’ll come for a bit. She won’t mind?”

“No, she ignores everything that isn’t me when I’m in the room.”

“Great, kid. Don’t get cocky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the GIF that Rey sends Ben :) 
> 
> https://64.media.tumblr.com/e47e437e167bb6897817ac162d549990/tumblr_myhdrp4DNU1ram4r5o1_500.gifv


	19. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spaghetti.

Spaghetti tasted better when the Solo children were sitting on the floor. Kind of like water simply hit differently after midnight.

“What did you put in this?”

“It’s mom’s recipe.”

“What does she put in it?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s incredible.”

Though the kitchen was mostly set up, all of his boxes unpacked, they found solace away from their original home on Ben’s floor, sheltered in by the counters and the hum of the refrigerator. 

“When was the last time you’d had sex before last week?”

“Bold of you to assume I’m having sex again.”

She stuffed her mouth, and made a point. “You’ve never made spaghetti this good.”

Ben just nodded with an exaggerated sigh, dropping his fork into the bowl half-full. “Over three years, at this point.”

Kaydel mimed gagging, which morphed into absurd empty crying that made Ben giggle. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I’m probably picky after all.”

“What about her?”

“Oh my G-d, it’s like the earth moves when we’re together.”

“It does move.”

“No, like, shakes.”

“When was her last time, though?”

“About the same.”

“ _ Fuck,  _ that must’ve….”

“Yeah.”

“You’re happy.”

“Happy.”

“You should spend New Year’s with her.”

“We haven’t talked about it yet. I don’t want to make it….I don’t know. Pressure.”

“Odds are she doesn’t want to pressure you, either, if you’re both coming into this relationship like squeaky fucking post-pandemic babies.”

“More?” He asked, getting to his feet for a second serving.

Kaydel grunted and passed him her bowl.

Once he sat back down beside her, they ate quietly for several minutes.

His analog clock ticked on the wall, harmonizing with the sporadic clicking of the freezer.

Ben glanced around his new place and was thankful for the kitchen window to see the snow falling against the charcoal sky. He thought of Rey. Wondered if it was snowing in her part of the city, though she wasn’t far from him anymore. He finished his last bite before muttering, “Dad’s fucking elbow.”

Kaydel snorted into her forkful of pasta.

Another silence was gently filled with the sound of their little laughs, the ones that their parents missed so. The ones that brought each other back down to earth for a little while.

Kaydel tucked her bowl over her head on the empty counter and burped, blowing in in her brother’s face. “Thanks for dinner.”

He just nodded, accustomed to the ritual, and was even more appreciative of it now that Kaydel was not the only woman who felt comfortable enough to burp in his presence. 

“Remember when people used to call me ‘Gay-del’?”

“That doesn’t even phonetically make sense. You’ve got something - ” He gestured to his own teeth.

She grinned proudly before searching for the rogue basil flake with her fingernail. “Remember when you picked me up from my first day of eighth grade because I tried making out with everybody in the middle of class?”

“That makes perfect sense. Me?” Ben asked, baring his pearly smile.

His sister inspected them and scowled. “Who’d you get the nice teeth from?”

Ben collected his own dishes and set them aside. “Your mom.”

“I really got Dad’s, didn’t I?” She rubbed her eyes tiredly and put her head on Ben’s shoulder. “When do you wanna go?”

Now Ben took a moment to pick at his own genetically inherited teeth. “Friday night? Whatever Christmas Eve is, I guess. I’m off at nine.”

“Surprise them?”

“Or morning.”

“I like night.”

“They’ll be at Mass.”

“We can hang out at home - ”

“Or we can change in the car and show up at the church.”

“And surprise.”

“Remember that little pageant?”

“I’ve never been so excited to go to church.”

“The three kings upstage….”

“I still don’t know what myrrh is supposed to be….”

“It’s an analgesic. Should we tell them then that we can’t come until the next day?”

“No, I think the first plan is fine.”

He broke out in Kaydel’s favourite Jim Carrey voice. “Fine, let’s do all the things that  _ you  _ wanna do.”

She smiled, jumping up to reckon with the stray box of ENTERTAINMENT on the floor. “‘Bi-del’ would be more accurate. ‘Gay-del’ is so uncreative.”

“In literally  _ every _ way. People are dumb.”

“Uno?” She held up the deck excitedly.

Ben’s eyes lit up. “You shuffle.”

“I can’t shuffle for shit.”

“Mhm, and I want to watch.”

They cracked two more ciders and played steadily until Ben’s analog clock sounded too far away in their little Alice-Wonderland-heads. Kaydel crashed on his pull-out couch and he passed out in his new bed, for his king-sized mattress was up for sale, and didn’t travel with him. This was a size smaller, but he still filled it nicely. Enough for him to realize that he’d never needed a king size in the first place. A man who usually liked to sleep in the dead center of his bed, he found himself staying close to one side, drowsily thinking of Rey’s warmth beside him. Before he slept, he opened his phone to send her a message, but saw her reply from earlier.

**REY:** Half-naked is the only appropriate way to listen to that album. 

His stomach swelled in its hot little way, twisting so hard it had him snuggling up to his blankets and smiling like an idiot at his phone screen. He wondered if she was still awake. 

It was nearly two hours past midnight on a Sunday, but she was off work for the holidays. He thought it was worth a shot.

**BEN:** i got a smaller bed for my new place, and get this, it smells 

He cursed his thumbs. 

**BEN:** that was supposed to say it smells like your big boy burp but it works

He waited for a moment, knowing she didn’t have the read receipts set, and wondered if she was awake.

Suddenly the three little dots appeared and he felt his lungs fill with oxygen again.

**REY:** IT SMELLS

**BEN:** I’M SO SORRY DID I WAKE YOU

**REY:** OOPS NO I’M WATCHING  _ TARZAN _

**BEN:** OMG OMG  _ TARZAN _

**REY:** TANRANZ

**BEN:** TTZDQZAN 

**REY:** I should’ve realized I was bisexual with those two, honestly. So many early signs. 

She sent the Mariah Carey gif with the text  _ I can’t read suddenly...I don’t know _

**BEN:** *Every One Direction boy singing during puberty* sToRy oF mY LIFe

**REY:** The PITCH. The RANGE. How’s your new place!!

**BEN:** New. My sister’s on the couch.

**REY:** did she, like, come with the apartment

**BEN:** She was sold separately. :/ She came over for dinner and we played Uno for like three hours

**REY:** omg. The delight!!

**BEN:** What did you do today?

**REY:** ATE. Dinner last night inspired me to cook things. 

**BEN:** HOT. 

**REY:** When can we be hot together again?

**BEN:** I’m working overtime all week to make up for the holidays, so I won’t be much fun. I want to see you. Have to see you. Please. Could we have breakfast on Friday before I leave?

**REY:** I would love that. But only if you can swing it. Until January you’re the breadwinner in this situation. 

**BEN:** I will swing anything for you.

**REY:** OW my heart. Five more sleeps, then :) 

**BEN:** Rustic table or gay bagel place in midtown?

**REY:** THERE’S A GAY BAGEL PLACE MIDTOWN?

**BEN:** YOU’RE GAY AND YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE GAY BAGEL PLACE MIDTOWN?!

**REY:** I NEVER LEAVE MY HOUSE

**BEN:** OKAY WELL FRIDAY PLEASE LEAVE YOUR HOUSE

**REY:** DEAL

**BEN:** GOOGNIIHT. 

**REY:** GONSIDGHT 

  
  


Rey put her phone down with a shaky sigh of giddiness, certain now that she would enjoy  _ Tarzan  _ just that much more. 

She pressed play again, for the moment Ben had texted her she dropped her proverbial everything to participate in the conversation, and it did not disappoint. 


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Poe are painting the baby's room characteristically early, and Rey is invited.

The week went by quickly, to her satisfaction, with enough social interaction distractions to get her through without pining too deeply for Ben. 

This kind of relationship needed to be tread carefully in its early stages, given that both of them knew how fragile the emotional states were coming out of a global crisis. Of course, it appeared, as they both had recognized, that neither of them had ever felt as calm and grounded as they did with one another thus far. And that kind of pleasure deserved to be taken seriously. 

“No. Absolutely not. ‘Maddox’ is a recipe for private school and private school is a recipe for homophobia and we are _not_ sending our kid to a homophobic private school. You won’t catch me.”

Poe dipped his brush into the tray of yellow paint and smeared it firmly across the patchy ivory wall of their spacious Brooklyn apartment. Finn wiped the wet yellow colour off of his own hand onto the seat of Poe’s overalls in response. “You’re the one who asked Rey for suggestions,” he laughed.

Rey piped up from her corner, raising her voice slightly over the sound of their Janelle Monaé playlist. “That was ironic, I’ll deny it if you quote me on that.”

“What about ‘Shaemus’?” Poe added.

“Are they a sheep farmer in Northern Ireland?” Finn.

“They could be.”

“You remember that person we met at the _Rocky Horror_ night back at school?” Rey asked, carefully measuring the corner with her brush. “The feather earrings and the sexy beard.”

Both of her friends remembered in sync. 

“Oh my G-d, Boa?”

“Boa!”

“I think that could be cute.”

“I like ‘Boa’.”

“I like it too.”

Rey waved a hand. “I’m irrelevant to this conversation, but I like it too.”

“But I don’t want to settle on anything right now, it’s too soon,” Poe thought.

“Of course, of course. We’ll just add it to the list.” Finn paused. “Are we too ahead of ourselves on the room thing?” Finn asked, a moment of reflection as he inspected the reality of the sunshiney bedroom.

Poe reassured his partner. “This is the gay equivalent of lesbians and U-Hauls. Paint the baby’s room as soon as your sister gets pregnant.”

“Well, when you say it that way - ” Finn smiled.

“You deserve to set this up whenever you feel like it, my loves,” Rey added, still facing her yellowing corner. When she turned to get more paint, she found them locked in an embrace with the sweetest kiss. Their stained, colourful overalls created a wholesome nest as they clung to their bodies and she just beamed. Janelle’s “Pynk” was popping through the sound system, floating like bubbles around the three of them, and it couldn’t be more perfect. 

She just turned around again with her paintbrush and her smile, giving them their moment. 

The song ended and Finn opened his eyes. “If anything goes wrong, we can keep the room like this, right?”

Poe just wrapped his arms around his best friend, and the two of them admired their work. It glowed in the afternoon sun. Rey stood up and rubbed her forehead, taking a moment to inspect how much they’d gotten done.

“This light looks really pretty on you,” Poe muttered to Finn. 

Finn pinched his partner’s rear and shyly said, “That’s just what you do to me.”

After seven years together, their love language had evolved into a kind of sanctuary the exact colour and temperature of the room they were painting for their first child. 

“Do you get to go with Isa to the ultrasound?”

“Yes, thank G-d. That one couple we knew couldn’t go in together during the pandemic.”

“Imagine.”

Rey beamed at the thought of their joy to come. “What are you most excited about?”

Finn refreshed his brush and stepped up on the ladder to get the highest corner, Poe supporting his legs for balance. “Overall, to have made a person with my person.”

“To have parts of each of us into a brand new human being that we get to take care of and raise.”

“But in terms of little things I’m really excited to go for walks with a kid in a stroller, or strapped to my chest in one of those tiny little bundles.”

Finn teared up. “Oh my G-d, STOP, I’m gonna cry.”

The three of them laughed and swooned over baby things, wrapping up the painting process and shifting into dinner prep-mode. They made a Pinterest board that sucked them down a rabbit hole of baby fever and made moderate pot brownies for dessert to celebrate their success. They sat around the gorgeous stained wood table and waited for the kick.

“Poe, is there someone named Cara at your firm?” Rey asked.

“Sounds like someone I banged in high school.”

“Sounds like someone _I_ banged in first year,” Finn added.

“I’m positive that we all shagged the same people at some point in college,” Rey quipped.

“Look where we are now,” Finn replied proudly.

“Cara. Cara. Cara...Stevens? Dune? Maybe Dune. Stevens was high school.”

“I don’t know. Don’t even know what she looks like,” Rey explained. “She’s married to Ben’s co-worker. They’re basically planning an intervention to take over the restaurant. Lots of underground shit going down, apparently.”

“Oh, I love chef drama.”

“Maybe best you don’t know her, then. Probably secret.”

It hit Poe first. “Fuck. The Rey way says ‘secret’ is so fucking adorable.”

“The way Rey.” Finn corrected, amused at his partner’s falling off the edge.

“The way Rey what?”

It hit Finn second. “Oh.”

Rey followed suit, like a zombie. “You said - oh, bollocks.”

“Finn, you should write about this weed in the next issue.”

“Sure, I’ll have my team assemble the next cover piece on Beaumont’s dinky weed, my friend.” Finn choked out a laugh.

Rey guffawed. “Wait, Beaumont’s your dealer? Little Hobbit man?”

“Yeah, who’s yours?” Poe. 

Rey scoffed. “Beaumont.”

Finn turned to Poe with conviction. “We’ve got to switch to Rey’s dealer.”

“Deal. You’re coming to New Year’s, right?”

Rey exhaled loudly. “Probably. It’s always exceptional.”

“No way are you giving us ‘probably’. Aren’t you with Ben?”

“We haven’t talked about it, so far it’s been mostly eating and sex and taking baths together. We haven’t brought it up yet. I guess it’s only been two weeks, so we’re not rushing.”

“But you want to?”

“Oh, more than anything.”

“Okay, well I’m sure he’s invited here if you make plans,” Poe intently put a hand on Finn’s and made blotchy eye contact with him.

Finn approved with an eager nod. “I’m gonna wear my purple suit.”

Rey leaned forward, squatting up on her chair for emphasis. “I’m gonna wear that black dress that never saw the night at the film festival.”

“I’m probably gonna go naked if people aren’t careful.”

“Kiss me, my love,” Finn whispered, and Poe answered promptly.

But their passionate embrace was cut short when Rey let out an involuntary snore against the table, quite literally unconscious.

“Dear G-d, she’s out,” Poe commented.

“Couch?”

“Couch is fine.”

“I can’t get up.”

“It’s a hoax. You can.”

“Oh, shit. I can. Because you believed in me.”

Together they collected her lazy limbs and tucked her into their sofa with a blanket and said goodnight. 

“Do you wanna have sex?” Poe asked his lover on the way to their bedroom.

“I do,” Finn replied. “Let’s make a baby or something.”

“If we have sex while high, is our baby gonna be born high?”

“I don’t think so.”

They took to bed slowly, pausing every few minutes to ask each other similarly confounding questions, comforted by the other person’s presence.

  
  



	21. Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast. Dinner. A Surprise.

When Friday morning finally arrived, Rey puttered around her apartment, already dressed in the outfit she’d planned days in advance, and found things to do while she waited for the clock to strike eleven. 

It felt rather old-fashioned, and she _loved_ it. 

When her phone finally rang, she answered promptly, and they had their shortest conversation to date.

“Hello!”

“Morning! I’m outside.”

“Coming.”

She had to admit, she really liked that they called at times like these instead of exchanging a message. 

She booked it out of her apartment and down the stairs, bursting through the front door in her grey coat and knitted scarf, which complimented the grey with its pink, blue, and purple.

He became radiant when he saw her as she trotted down the steps into his arms.

“Is this a bisexual scarf?” He asked, briefly distracted.

“Yeah, a friend made it for me at school.”

Ben bent down and kissed her with zeal, responding to how tightly her arms tugged at the waist of his coat and the familiar scent on her collar. “I want one,” he muttered against her peppermint lips. “Happy Christmas Eve.”

Her eyes sparkled in the late morning winter sun as she tried to read him a little further between the lines, but averted her eyes politely to what he had explicitly offered her. “I can arrange it,” she replied sincerely. “Christmas Eve already.”

His fingers slipped down her sleeve, gently taking her glove-cloaked hand in his, and they headed down the street to the train. “Don’t go out of your way, though. I’m very easily satisfied with what I have.”

“You’ll find I’m quite good at going out of my way.”

He glanced down at her through the cloud of their breath in the brisk morning air, intermingling the way that used to be so dangerous. That kind of fear was going away slowly, but having someone to hold on to in the cold was enough. 

“I’m happy to see you,” he told her. 

Her pupils swelled and her expressive mouth formed a smile more contagious than anything. In a complex analogy, a deeply compressed part of his being was exponentially released and opened up at the mere sight of her.

And in the simplest terms, Rey _adored_ him. 

Together they rushed down the steps to the train and jogged across the platform, but the doors sealed audibly just a moment sooner and they were left waiting for the next one. Rey simply clasped her arms around his torso from behind and he hooked his thumbs inside her palms for security. Ben swore he felt the force of her smile through his coat.

“Do you have plans for New Year’s?” He asked, mustering all possible courage in his six-foot-two form. 

He felt her pause before ducking under his arm to face his front. “I was going to ask at breakfast if you wanted to spend it with me at Finn and Poes. They’re having a few people over. So technically, I do, but if what you’re really asking is do I want to spend it with you, the answer is ‘yes, please’.”

Ben’s face fell, but with the painful desire to rise. “Well, I was going to invite you to the party my sister’s going to with some friends. But if there’s somebody elsewhere that I want to kiss at midnight, or, you know, _you_ , I want to make that happen.” He cleared his throat. “Is it okay to assume from this conversation that you’re not expecting to be with anyone else?”

Her eyes flashed quickly, hands on his arms. “Gosh, no. No, I want to spend New Year’s with you. However and wherever. Is that okay?”

“Yes, me too,” he said with a smile, kissing her forehead just as the train bellowed into the station. 

Rey warmed under his kiss, feeling her knees just short of buckling at the tenderness, and let him lead the two of them onto the train. 

“How long have they been together?” she asked once they were situated, clinging to the metal bar above their heads. Ben liked the way she sort of unconsciously nestled closer to him when people crowded past, but remained just as close when they dissipated.

“Kaydel and - ?”

“Yeah.”

“You know, every time I ask them about it they just say things like, ‘we’ve existed as One as long as I can remember’ and ‘we’ve been called to be together’ and ‘her body is a wonderland’ so I just roll with it. But they seem very happy together.”

“Well, that sounds adorable.”

“And just to reiterate, because I overthink everything, if you don’t have anybody to kiss at midnight, I’d like to apply for the position.”

She clicked her tongue. “I hope you don’t mind that I hired you a while ago but just neglected to formally let you know. Please forgive me.”

“Granted. I don’t really like crazy house parties or anything, and I have no idea what Kaydel’s plans entail, so what if both go to our respective gatherings to suss them out a bit and then maybe meet closer to midnight? Or we can call each other and meet sooner. Now I’m just talking. I’m open to anything.”

“But large parties are so intimate….” she quoted.

“Dance parties are. Playhouse was. It’s the big nights with the drugs and the alcohol and aggressive jostling and the human mess that just upset my anxiety a bit. I never really liked that book.”

She looked up at him thoughtfully. “A lack of control, maybe?”

“Yeah, that checks out.”

“Well, if it helps, I’ve never enjoyed those kinds either. I like the way you put it - human mess. I like a different kind of human mess. The natural mess. The one that comes built in.”

“There’s some substances that just can’t reach that level.”

“Super messy. Where’s breakfast?”

“Rustic Table and then we’ll stop by the gay bagel place after. Kaydel actually works there part-time. I don’t think today, though.”

“What a fantastic Christmas Eve; I’m excited for it all. Why didn’t you like _Gatsby_?”

“I dunno. Felt kind of overrated, I guess. Definitely a classic, but I was always looking for the books on the fringe that nobody’s ever heard of.”

“You’re so edgy.”

“Thanks.”

She started imagining what Ben could possibly look like with facial hair. Only one more week and she would find out. “Thanks for this. I know you were jammed this week.”

“This was the only thing that got me through, so I’m glad we could make it happen.”

“Are you rested?”

“I’m rested, but drained. Kaydel and I are leaving tonight when I get off work.”

She brightened, her smile appearing again. “In the _Millennium Falcon_?”

“Pray that she’ll start, let alone get us to Jersey in time for the church pageant. Did you enjoy _Gatsby_?”

She sucked in a breath. “First girl I ever loved I fell for during our group project on _Gatsby._ ”

Ben put both hands on the bar and gazed down at her intently. “Oh my G-d, tell me more.”

“We had to do a four-part project - a poster, a storyboard, re-enact a scene, and make a trailer for it. I was the director and the editor, because I had the biggest penis. She played Daisy, naturally, and like the man himself, I fell head-over-heels for her and felt rather dead-in-a-pool by the end of it.”

“Did she break your heart?”

“I remember fuming with jealousy whenever the boys who played Gatsby and Tom came near her or touched her or flirted with her - it’s quite funny to me now but it had me quite livid.”

“Tom’s a cunt.”

“He was, too. We all sort of fit into our roles perfectly, though. We got lucky. Gosh.” The train began slowing down. “Did you have any great loves like that? Unrequited, heart-shattering loves?”

Ben blinked, glancing up at the map. “Once or twice.” The automated voice cut through and they got off at their stop. 

But by the time they’d made it to the restaurant, Ben had swiftly changed the subject and Rey took his cue for not pressing it further. The space was surprisingly vacant, and they used it to their advantage as they ordered the most detailed items on the menu. In congruence with the quiet house, they were served after a mere ten minutes.

Something still weighed on Ben’s chest, however, once they were already stomachs deep into their breakfast. “You’re not really gonna be alone this weekend, are you?”

Her fork slid between her teeth on its way back to the plate. “Why, is that really bizarre?”

“Will you be eating with people?”

“I’m eating with you, now.”

“Dinner.”

She shrugged, glancing down at her hot runny eggs. Her favourite. “I wasn’t planning on it. All my friends are with their families, and I don’t mind being alone.”

“But do you like it?”

“I don’t know how I can miss what I never had.”

Ben zipped up the neck of his half-zip sweater, an action that made a statement almost louder than words. It caught Rey’s attention.

“Alright, sir, no need to get protective.” But her cheeks hinted a smile and Ben wondered if he caught a blush, too.

There was fast-paced jazz around them with the voices of the other random patrons, but it was still too quiet for either of them to continue on the burning flirt path. So he nudged her toe with his, and that seemed to be okay for the time being. 

Rey took a breath and bit into a fried potato. “Think we could shag in the bathroom?”

Ben brushed it off intentionally, getting better at her signals. He stuffed his fork with another serving and a tightly knit brow. “Not before marriage.”

She continued chewing for longer than usual, sort of admiring him with frustration as hot, wet, and runny as the eggs on their plates before they clinked glasses. “You’ve got a date,” she confirmed.

They talked about other things as they ate, thankful for the time they now had together after their longest time apart thus far. 

Time ran out for them to stop at the gay bagel joint, so Rey insisted on walking Ben to work, and justified it by arguing she’d do her last Christmas shopping on the way back. But they were both happy to spend as much time holding hands as possible.

She kissed him outside the brassy building, her tongue slipping over his lips and feeling his heart pound against hers as they tried to make it last. When they let go, it was bittersweet.

“So can I - ” he started.

“Call me. I’ll call you too.”

“We will definitely call.”

“Text works too,” she reassured.

“I’ll miss you.”

“You know, I’m gonna miss you too.”

“It’s only another week.”

“Feels like two. I’ve been thinking it’s two. Because it’s Jersey.”

“It’s already Christmas Eve.”

“Be safe, okay? Please?”

And something in Ben’s heart twitched when he saw her eyes _mean_ what her mouth said. 

“Since you asked nicely.”

“Merry Christmas, Ben.”

He kissed her again, with intention, before heading backwards into the building. “Send me videos of you crying over _Mamma Mia_ this weekend, will you?”

She nodded. “Promise.”

  
  


____________________

  
  


“Have you ever seen God, like, _during_ sex?”

Fennec paused from chopping onions beside Ben to vocalize her recent thought. Ben stilled his wrist and the knife stopped cutting for a moment. 

“Yeah, but we usually just avert our eyes and go about our business.”

“Are they smiling?”

“What kind of sex are you having?”

Fennec returned to her onions. “Maybe we should try a new position.”

“Do you _want_ God to be smiling?”

“I don’t want God to be frowning. I can’t have that on my conscience.”

“I thought you and Cara were atheists.”

“What, atheists can’t ask questions?”

“Your words, not mine.”

“I am. We are. I guess sometimes I would like to know if I’m dying or just having spectacular sex.”

“I’m glad you came to work.”

With two hours left on their shift, and closing early, they’d packaged up several bundles of holiday-traditional food from what they’d spent the day preparing, and made sure all the leftovers were accounted for.

“We’ve got a total of thirty stops in that whole complex, think you can swing it?” Fennec marked off their list on her clipboard, chewing the pen cap absently.

“We’ll leave later if I can’t.” Ben began loading the packages and bags into the catering van.

It was a restaurant tradition (specifically Fennec and Ben) to provide dinner for as many single parents as possible in the area on one of the hardest holidays of the year. Cara arrived to join them, for it was she who had connections to names, and names to faces, given that she’d been raised by a single mother, herself.

They never sought recognition, insisting upon the relative “anonymity” of delivering food to those who needed it but weren’t necessarily “seen” by those in power. 

Every opened door and brightened face was hopeful, but by the end of their rounds Ben only wished he had given up his apartment long before this Christmas. He was a man with too much, and it sickened him to his core. 

So he sat with it on the drive back to the restaurant, swallowed it while he said goodnight to his two friends, and watched them walk off into the glowing night arm-in-arm.

An idea hit him squarely in the back of the head, and he made a call.

“ _I’m on my way, I swear_ ,” Kaydel promised. “ _What unit again_ ? _”_

“L-three. You’ve got the keys to your store, right?”

“ _On my doo-flickee-thingy, yeah._ ”

“Can we make a couple stops on the way out?”

“ _I’ll do anything for love._ ”

Ben walked a little faster, knowing her words were already shaping up to mean something for him. 

It started to snow.


	22. Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaydel and Ben crack open the storage unit, and make a few pitstops before hitting the road. Rey and Ben learn about boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow cranked this whole chapter out in one day. I'm so thankful for March break, and not excited about the schoolwork I haven't been doing. Thank you so much for staying with me and commenting your feedback, I love to hear what you liked. I'm particularly proud of this chapter and what's to come. I keep delaying it with unintentional plot and it just keeps opening more doors!

The storage unit was both drafty and stale, like all the sourest parts of New York in one 150-square-foot compartment, and Ben lifted the door ritualistically as the two siblings feasted their eyes upon the old family car. 

“You can drive stick, right?” He asked, rubbing his chilly red nose and wishing in this moment he’d started growing his beard already. Though he realized that wouldn’t help his nose, much.

“You ask me that every time,” Kaydel scoffed, brushing off the idea with confidence.

“Can you?”

“No, I can’t.”

Ben knew better than to laugh, so he opted for a goofy smile instead, opening the passenger door for his sister. “Get in.”

“Do not lock me in this time.”

“That gives me as much anxiety as it does, you.”

One strength of their relationship was that they kept each other on their toes, but no amount of teasing had ever gone too far. Their bond was too vulnerable after shared childhood traumas, and the age gap alone was enough for Ben to have treated her like his own offspring during her earliest years. But the protective nerve had only become thicker with time. 

To prove his point, he walked around the front of the vehicle and emphasized the opening of the driver’s side door before getting in and buckling his seatbelt. “Not going anywhere. Have you peed?”

“Oh, shit, hang on - ” She paused for effect, getting comfortable in her seat. “Okay, done.”

“Great. I put down newspapers just for you.”

“Where does she live?”

“Near Hell’s Kitchen.”

“Sounds like an angel.”

He turned the key in the ignition and they waited the necessary five seconds for it to actually roar into action. It was rickety to start, but once the machine got on the road it was as young as it had ever been. The confines of the storage unit did kindness to no one. 

“Can I meet her?”

“I need you to keep the car running.”

“Okay.”

“But you will at New Year’s.”

“Oh, yay!”

Driving in the city often stressed him out, but the vehicle had plenty of room for his legs and for his frustration to be dispelled into the ether without consuming him completely or compressing his spine. Driving with Kaydel made it easier. The van crept smoothly along the glimmering streets, heading to their first destination.

“Okay, it’s just eleven now, if we leave around eleven-thirty we’ll be home before they’re back.”

“I still don’t understand why they need to go to both the evening service _and_ midnight Mass.”

“They don’t like to miss the pageant because Lando’s grandkids always steal the show and Mom thinks midnight Mass is romantic.”

“Because of that Elizabeth Perkins movie?”

“The _Miracle on 34th Street_ remake, yeah.”

Kaydel sighed, fishing through the glove compartment. “Dermot Mulroney as a lawyer was my first crush.”

“Dylan McDermott.”

“That’s what I said,” she replied, finding the auxiliary cord. 

Ben decided to let it pass. “No music until we get out of the city, please.”

“I know, I’m just preparing to blast _Frozen II_.”

“Not the sad songs, please. Keep me awake.”

“Building a queue now.”

They pulled up to the building and Kaydel jumped out first, heading down the alleyway and forcing Ben to follow as quickly as possible.

“Please don’t bolt down dark alleys without me,” he said, catching up.

“You’re so polite with your demands.”

Kaydel’s keychain, affectionately titled her doo-flickey-thingy, rattled in the side door of the bagel shop, but seemed to resist the idea of actually unlocking it. She slouched with a whine.

“It doesn’t like me.”

Launching himself up from where he rested against the window, Ben sighed. “That’s fascist.”

She scooted out of the way for him to take a turn. “Did you know that the guy from _Spy Kids_ is on _Marvelous Mrs. Maisel_?”

“Alan Cumming?”

“No, the other guy. But he should be.”

Ben continued. “Is he a fascist?”

“Alan?”

“No, the other guy.”

“Not publicly.”

The door unjammed and the keyhole made a satisfying click as he worked it open. Kaydel punched in the code to unarm the space and flicked the little trap door to the keypad shut with characteristic flair. 

“How can I serve you today, your highness?” she asked, gliding easily behind the counter and looking nothing short of excellent in her yellow marshmallow coat and sunglasses perched atop her head like it was the sweaty middle of summer. They’d luckily both landed parents with good hair, and Ben was proud of the way his sister managed to find new and creative things to do with it whenever she got bored. Which, by nature, was weekly. 

‘Your Highness’ was a nickname their mother used to call him as he very quickly outgrew the rest of the family members and could reach higher places. “Just the specialty, thanks. I can do it, though.”

She held up a finger, swiftly untying a bag of the goods. “You don’t have this magic touch. I’m already on the ‘don’t forget to fire’ list.”

He leaned on the counter and waited politely. Kaydel tucked her thick mermaid-y hair into her coat and worked miracles on the freshest of the rainbow bagels. Her new helix piercing reflected in the lonely overhead light.

“What are her tits like?” She asked. 

“Shit, Kaydel - ” Ben half-scolded.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” She popped the two halves of the bagel in the giant industrial toaster. “But that’s gonna take a minute to heat up, though, it’s as old as you are.”

“Grapefruits.”

She winced. “That stings. Have you tried it?”

Ben gestured with his palms, ignoring the crude reference in the place of another. “They’re like little grapefruits. Modest. Soft.”

Kaydel swooned. “My G-d, those are so cool. When they’re kind of hiding until they’re suddenly _not_ and you have to work for it - ugh.”

“That’s all you’ll hear from me, I feel bad enough talking about it.” He took off his beanie and scratched a hand through his hair, letting out a well-earned yawn. 

“It’s not bad, you’re not being derogatory. I want to know what you appreciate about her body. It’s not inappropriate to like her body. As long as that’s not all you like.”

“I guess.” He wasn’t quite used to sexual liberation. And it had been ages since he liked someone’s body equally as much as he loved everything that it carried within. “I love her hips. The way they meet her thighs when she sits. Her neck, how it smells. Her mouth. She’s got a crazy big smile. Great teeth. And dimples.”

“You’ve got dimples.” Kaydel beamed at her brother. “What do you think is her favourite part on you?”

“She told me she likes my thighs. And my feet, she said I had nice feet. My eyes, my nose. She loves my nose.” He touched it absently as though trying to see it through her eyes. It was slightly crooked, like his father’s, but with a gentle aquiline arch that he was learning was irresistible to Rey. 

“Those are some of your best assets.” Kaydel fished out a rounded knife and prepared the cream cheese. “She wants cream cheese, right?”

“I never told you what my plans were. I could just want a bagel for the road.”

“Ben, I could call you Bugs Bunny with those hearts in your eyes.”

He blushed, hiding behind his gloves. “Is it that obvious?”

“Badee-badee-badee-th-that’s all folks!”

“That’s Porky, not Bugs.”

Kaydel ignored him. “Does she want kids?”

“Oh, she does. At least that’s what I’ve gathered. We haven’t explicitly talked about it in terms of her and me, yet.”

Kaydel let out a banshee scream of excitement. Ben’s ears were well-adjusted.

The toaster spat out the bagel and Kaydel caught it like a pro, slapping both halves down on the cutting board and slathering it with the smoothest cream cheese. 

“Did you talk to her about New Year’s?”

“Yeah, this morning. We’re gonna meet up after we both test the waters at our respective gatherings.”

“Sounds like a dictatorship, to me.”

“You sound like grandma.”

“Rest in world peace.”

“She has a tattoo - ”

“Grandma?” Kaydel paused mid-spread. “Did she come back from the dead to tell you that?”

Ben giggled loosely, and gestured to his left rib. “Rey has a tattoo of the ASL sign for ‘baby’. Here.”

Kaydel swooned. “Oh, my G-d, Ben, she’s so ready for you.” She licked the stray cheese off of her knuckle. “I feel like I already know her.”

He warmed from the inside out, watching his sister package up the toasty-warm bagel in a specialty Christmas wrapping and popping it in a bag with some complimentary chocolates.

“Thank you so much for doing that, she’s gonna love it.”

Kaydel philosophized, wide-eyed. “Okay, but imagine if they have tattoo parlours in heaven.”

“Don’t leave me too soon, okay?”

Ben helped her clean up while she monitored the slow turning off of the toaster, and with the keypad she armed the place on their way out.

Once it was safely locked, they trekked down the alley back onto the street and bundled into the car again. It started easier now, and Ben safely managed to pull out during a break in Christmas Eve traffic, heading to Rey’s. 

Her building loomed over the darker street as they parked on the opposite side, and Ben tucked the bagel bag in his coat pocket to keep it warm as he got out and crossed. Kaydel wished him luck.

“No time for a quickie, we’ve got Jesus’ birth waiting for us. I can make this car a confessional booth in three seconds flat. I can smell coitus!” She warned, and he just skipped up the sidewalk and the steps into Rey’s building. Kaydel caught the eye of a skeptical passerby, and she thought she’d have some fun. “Hi,” she said with elevated plastic in her voice. “Happy National Consumer Day.”

  
  


By the time Ben made it to Rey’s floor, he was out of breath. Not for lack of shape, but lack of circulation as his heart hammered heavily at the thought of seeing her again. 

He knocked on her door, and waited with nothing but the company of his own thumping blood in his ears. He knocked again, but no answer. 

_You idiot,_ he thought, wishing he’d called or messaged her first. But the surprise was worth it. He panicked for a moment, thinking she could be asleep. So he opened his phone and was about to send a message, but the door at the end of the corridor swung open and he looked up to see her, flushed and briskly moving. 

She was halfway down the hall before she saw him, for she was digging around in her purse for her keys. Or perhaps - a tissue?

“Gosh - ” she gasped, startled. It was now that Ben fully identified the redness in her eyes, far steamier than anything the wind could’ve done. She smiled weakly and sighed with relief, but he heard the tremor in her lungs.

“Hi,” he said softly, trying to read her for what could be the cause, wanting to sweep her into his arms and never let her go. “What happened?”

“What - what are you doing here, don’t you have to...?” She wiped her eyes. “How was work?”

“Everything’s fine, I had something for you, that’s all. Do you - what happened?”

They watched each other from their usual acute angle of eyeline, the hallway quiet except for her sniffling and a distant Christmas party at the other end. Her lip trembled before bursting into slippery tears again and Ben’s uneasiness wasn’t getting easier. She sort of crumbled forward into his chest and he embraced her with everything he had. 

His lips pressed firmly against her hair as he let her breaths shudder in and out until they gradually evened.

“You smell so fucking good,” she mumbled against his coat and he laughed gently. She changed positions, arms still tight around his torso as she craned her neck to meet his eyes, blinking out the loose tears. “The home I volunteer for called me in for the afternoon, offering to pay me because it’s Christmas and compensate for all the other times I volunteered recently. They’ve come into quite a bit of money, see. Some very important people. We’ve now got a waiting list - ”

“Breathe,” he said calmly, softly guiding her back where he could see she was trying to go.

“Right,” she agreed, brushing a stray strand of chestnut hair from where it stuck to her cheek - it was one of many pieces that had fallen out of her little winter headband. She inhaled and exhaled consecutively, biting her cheek to keep from crying for a moment. “So the money’s good. I just had someone die in my arms, that’s all. They had no family.”

“Oh, Rey,” he consoled genuinely, giving her the embrace she took as she snuggled into his scarf. “I’m so sorry. That’s really disturbing,” he added quietly when her tears started again.

He held her for another minute before she pulled away again, and he retrieved the tissue from her hand to carefully dry the silvery purple crescent shadows beneath her hazel eyes. She let him. He’d seen her in the mornings without her makeup on, but the tears brought a freshness to her face that felt human, and so, _so_ beautiful.

“You’re safe,” he said, meeting each of her irises. “And I brought you something.”

She did manage to brighten a little bit. “You did?”

He pulled the little bag out of his pocket and handed it to her. “It might be a little squished, though, from the….” he gave up on explaining the hug, for she’d already opened it and glanced up at him in response. 

“Is this….” she began, smiling at the rainbow pattern through the wrapping.

“Kaydel and I made a pitstop. She made it herself. I wanted you to have something for Christmas.”

“It’s still warm.” She held it to her chest, the colour returning to her lips. “Where is she?”

“Waiting in the car. She’s a patient person.”

Rey was quick to correct the situation. “Oh, don’t -”

“Stop.” He held up a finger. “I came to see you. I’m the big brother, she can wait. Plus she doesn’t drive manual, so she can’t leave without me.”

Rey chewed the inside of her lip as she processed it. “Well, thank you. It smells almost as good as you.”

“Come with us,” he offered spontaneously, focused solely on just how exhausted and sad she seemed.

“What?”

“Tonight - come to my parents for the weekend. I can drive you back after tomorrow.”

She shook her head. “Ben, no, I - ”

“It won’t be a problem. They’d love to have you. You can sleep in my bed, or in the guest room, or the couch, but you don’t have to be alone. I don’t want you to be alone, it breaks my heart, Rey. There’s - ”

“Ben, I said no.”

The hallway cried with the ringing silence and the echo of her conclusive tone. 

He tucked his hands in his pockets absently. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to do.”

She took a step closer to him, noticing at some point he’d backed away from her, not wanting to cross any more lines. “You like to help people. You’re compassionate. I _love_ that about you. We’re both raging empaths. It’s incredibly special to have that gift and share it. But I still have boundaries, and I’ve learned the hard way that I need to listen to myself.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you with meeting my parents suddenly, I just offered because no one should be alone on Christmas.”

“I know it’s hard for you to comprehend but it’s not the end of the world for me.” She tucked the bagel in her purse and put her hands in his pockets, right beside his. “And I’m not scared.” She smiled, playing with a lock of his hair between her two fingers, near his brow. “I do want to meet your parents. Your sister. Your dog. The whole family. I just can’t be available to that right now because of what I just experienced.”

“It’s not hard for me to understand,” he tried. “I spend most of my time alone.”

She shook her head kindly. “No, please listen to me Ben, I’m not playing games about this.”

“Neither am I.”

She sighed to gather her thoughts, but between them shone a loving sincerity. “It’s incredible to have you offer, it’s romantic, and thoughtful, but I really just need to take a bath and go to bed. Can you understand that?”

He nodded slowly. “Yes, I’m sorry.”

“One thing you can do for me is trust me. I like you, and I want to do everything with you. Me saying no to you doesn’t change that. I’m a big girl.”

“I know you are.” He smiled and she weakened, the sight of his canine teeth and the dimples around his cheeks too much for even a big girl to handle.

So she put her arms around his neck and whispered just shy of his lips. “You’re in all of my dreams.” 

She kissed him feverishly, slowly, with a warm tongue and cold lips and she felt him grow firm against the softness of her tummy, even beneath her coat. She became wet and hot almost on command. His powerful arms held her close to him as he kissed her back with such passion, but if they went any further, neither of them would leave her apartment for days. Forcing herself to heel, she pulled away and ran her hands down his arms. “Drive extra careful, please?”

His tongue darted out in a missable motion over his plush lips, catching the flavour of _grapefruit_ from her kiss. “I promise.”

“Do you need some tea for the road?”

He rubbed his eyes. “No, we’ll grab something. But thank you.”

“I can feel you overthinking right now. Are you overthinking me?”

“I’m not overthinking _you_ , I just want you to be safe.”

“I am safe. You said so yourself.”

“Call me if you change your mind, I will turn the car around and come get you. Anytime this weekend. Okay?”

“I will. I’ll be calling you anyway, like we discussed.”

“Okay. Good.” He kissed her chastely for good measure.

“Thank you so much for the bagel. And for breakfast. You made my day.” Her thousand-watt smile flashed earnestly and she leaned against the wall by her door as she watched him leave. 

“Merry Christmas,” Ben called.

“Uno reverse.”

Ben flushed as he received it, as fizzy as fresh soda, and they waved at each other before he disappeared down the stairwell.

Rey lingered a little while longer, her bones aching for the bathtub, and she finally turned to unlock the door. Her apartment was quiet and dark, and it refreshed something in her.

She already missed Ben, but was happy he listened and trusted her honesty. She’d been where he was, doubting people’s sincerity no matter how much they’d learned from each other thus far, and frankly, it made her heart swell for him. After stripping her outdoor clothes, she washed her hands and dug out the beautiful bagel. She took the first bite, closing her eyes as she felt connected to her often invisible queer identity. 

Rey liked the way he saw her. She started running the bath in her cozy little baby pink bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub, devouring the rest of the bagel. 

It was so soft, so fresh, so colourful. The cream cheese was enough to send her into a food coma. 

“Benvolio,” she whispered out loud to herself, feeling her mood replenishing as she ate. She had to remind herself to eat it slowly. But when it was finished, she poured herself a glass of chilled peach wine, her favourite, and got naked. 

In front of her mirror, she rubbed her hands through her hair, and ran them down over her neck, her shoulders, over each of her arms and pausing on her breasts. Thanking herself for setting her boundaries, for saying no when she would’ve _loved_ to say yes. For knowing what she really needed. 

Therapy had given her many things, in return for all that she had given in the process. And it wasn’t over, for it would never be over, but in moments like these she was learning to give herself credit for how far she’d come. 

Her fingers curved over her hips, and held off on wishing it was Ben who was touching her. That would come later. For now, for this quiet hour, it was all her. 

  
  


_________________

  
  


Kaydel honked the horn when she saw her brother burst through the doors, hopping down the steps and crossing the street safely.

“Did you have sex?” she asked once he got in the car. 

“Several times.”

“Sorry, I’m a dick.”

“Sometimes.” He put it in gear. 

  
  


“Can we stop at Dunkin’ Donuts or something?”

“Yeah, I’m hungry, too.”

“You should get tea.”

“That’s what Rey said.”

“She’s right.”

The two of them stayed quiet as he navigated their way out of the city. Kaydel always had a hard time with this part, but Ben cast her a lovingly stern look of apology every time he could sense she wanted to speak. 

When they finally merged onto the highway, he broke the silence.

“I need to know if I did the right thing.”

“Shoot.” She played with her tangled bootlaces.

“Rey had an upsetting experience at work tonight. She was just getting home. Completely in tears.”

“Oh gosh, I saw somebody walking in with a cloud over their head.”

“Yeah. She let me hold her and we talked about it, I gave her the bagel - which she loved - and then I invited her home.”

“And?”

"Well, she's not in the car with us."

"Oh." Kaydel checked the backseat just in case.

“She said no. I know it’s early but all I was thinking was just how lonely she must be and I just couldn’t imagine her by herself this weekend. Especially after what happened.”

“What happened?”

“She works at a long-term care home. Somebody died in her arms, and they had no family.”

“Crap.”

“But I insisted and she very firmly told me no. Now that I’m saying it loud, that actually helps me deal with it. Of course she needs her self-care but I just was really upset by the idea of leaving her behind.”

“She told you no, yes?”

“Yes.”

“You did the right thing.”

“Okay.”

“Women can be passive aggressive and petty when it comes to shit like this. They don’t always say what they mean, because they believe their partner should be able to read their mind. News flash: that’s not how human beings work. She told you what she needed. Did she acknowledge how you felt?”

“Yes. Quite well. She knows I overthink.”

“But you’re not overthinking _her,_ right? Just whether or not you should leave her alone?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“You did the right thing. I know it feels romantic and prince-charming to go back for her or to sweep her off her feet and whisk her away to Jersey for Christmas because believe me, what girl wouldn’t want that? But the fact that she was upfront with you about her boundaries while respecting how deeply you want to help her, that tells me you did the right thing. No means no, and anyone who says otherwise is, what?”

“A fascist,” he replied to humour her. 

She patted his shoulder. “I’m so proud.”

  
From the two of them combined, he felt the weight in his stomach give way to the kind of trust he’d been working towards with Rey, and said a silent prayer for her in the face of the oncoming stretch of highway. He gave Kaydel permission to play the _Frozen II_ queue, and the two of them sang along in perfect sync as they kept their eyes peeled for the donuts exit.


	23. Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Solo Family Christmas Surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM two updates in one day!! Feeling thankful. Love you all <3

When they pulled into their parents’ driveway, all lights were off except the overhead kitchen sink light that stayed on at all times. 

Ben checked the time and nudged his baby sister awake. “We’re home.”

They had approximately ten minutes before their parents arrived after the latest Mass, and Kaydel groggily helped him collect their donut garbage to bring into the house. Her yellow coat was half off, her sunglasses tipped down her nose, so he guided her in the direction of the porch.

“Careful, there’s ice - ” he warned. The Christmas lights adorned the front of the house and the lowest branches of the ancient oak tree on the lawn. Even the smell of the rural area reminded him of being home and sent him eagerly into the house behind his sister. 

It was dark, and warm, and smelled of gingerbread. 

“What else is that….?” He asked of the other smell that seemed to compete.

“Goulash,” Kaydel grunted, very slowly getting her boots off once they were inside.

“Gonna make it?” He asked.

“Hm? Yeah, I just need a minute. Lights will help. Thanks for driving.”

“Of course.”

“I’ll learn someday.”

“It’s nothing special, really.”

Ben put his boots on the mat and headed in to the kitchen. The lights flickered on at the demand of his fingers on the switch, and he squinted in adjustment.

“There’s dishes to do.”

“Oh, I just remembered, I’ll be out of town that day,” Kaydel called from the next room. 

But after a minute, they were teamed up with half the dishes already washed and dried, and Ben rolled up the sleeves of his sweater to really commit to the job.

The drowsy zombies snapped awake when headlights flashed across the wall. They couldn’t be seen from the front of the house, but they both quickly realized they didn’t have a plan further than this.

“What do we do - ”

“Hide!”

“From our parents?”

“Shit, they’re coming - ”

“They know we’re coming - ”

“Not this late - ”

“Just sit down, I’ll finish the dishes.”

They pretended to be busy when they heard the front door open with its familiar creak, into their old bungalow with its lavishly decorated exterior and wildly modest furnishings. Ben had always enjoyed this juxtaposition, how random and homey the place was when actually living in it. The kitchen had a linoleum floor and strange yellow lighting, the fridge covered in mismatched magnets. The front of the stove was full of hanging towels and the dining table was small and round. The cupboards closed heavily, unlike the silent ones he’d had at previous apartments. He would never tire of that satisfying sound. 

“....they always do,” their mother’s grounded, present voice floated into the kitchen as she entered the house, followed by their father’s candid, gravelly tone.

“He’s so proud of those kids. It chokes me up.”

“Han, look who’s here,” Leia said as dropped her purse in surprise, holding out her arms for her daughter. Kaydel jumped up from the table with a grin from ear-to-ear. 

“What’s this?" Han asked roughly, but excitedly. "We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow.”

“They said Christmas Eve, honey.” She inspected Kaydel’s cheeks. “Get in the kitchen. I’m feeding you right now.”

“Hi Daddio,” Kaydel gave her father a kiss and he grumbled about it.

“Good to see you, kiddo. Where’s your brother?”

“They’re everywhere!” Leia exclaimed from the kitchen and was swiftly taken into her son’s embrace.

“Hi Ma,” he greeted, kissing her cheek affectionately. “Did you get secretly married to Dylan McDermott?”

“Dermot Mulroney,” Han corrected.

“That’s what he said,” Kaydel argued.

Leia sighed dramatically, puttering around the kitchen with her coat still on. “Another Christmas goes by….”

“Ma, let me take this,” Ben insisted, helping her out of her winter things and hanging them in the front closet. 

Their kitchen was a gathering place of epic proportions, one that saw every possible time of day host conversations of all lengths and depths, and was a permanent association for the Solo children as the place where the four of them were instantly a family under one roof again. Ben _loved_ nights like this, where the exhaustion set in hours before, but the joy and relief of seeing the ones you love keeps you going for just a little while longer. 

The kettle that Ben had prepared before they arrived whistled and Leia took over, making tea for herself and her son.

“How was the drive?” Han asked, cracking open a cider for himself and Kaydel, which she took and drank like a professional.

“Fine, missed a lot of the traffic which was nice.”

“What time did you get out?”

“Closer to midnight, but I drove fast.”

“Oh, Ben.” Leia frowned.

“When he says ‘fast’ he means sixty-two in a sixty zone,” Kaydel explained.

"You were asleep for eighty-percent of it." Ben wondered, “How fast do you think that thing actually goes?”

“Hey, that _thing_ is the only reason either of you are here safely, so cool it,” Han demanded.

“How’s your elbow, Dad?”

“Lousy.”

Kaydel blew kisses in the direction of her father’s cast. “Ben stopped to see his girlfriend before we left.”

His psyche lingered on that word. _Girlfriend._ “What are you, twelve?” Ben asked.

“Only on the Kinsey scale,” she replied, sipping her cider.

“How is Rey?” Leia inquired.

“She was a bit upset tonight, something happened at work, but when I invited her to come stay with us she was insistent that she needed some alone time.”

Kaydel piped up, “That was really hard for him to grapple with.”

“They didn’t ask for your commentary.”

“No, I like it,” Han added. “Really paints the full picture.”

Ben sat down in a huff with his tea, tucked neatly into his ‘corner’ of the circular dining table. 

“Is she okay?” Leia asked from where she was heating up leftovers. “She’s not alone all weekend, is she?”

“Yeah, but she’s very firm about not feeling like she’s missing anything. I guess it is kind of hard for me to understand.”

“Good for her for having those boundaries after all she’s been through. It’s so good you’re both in therapy.”

“Yeah, I think it’s been helpful.”

“All he wants is to bring her home and show her how much she’s loved,” Kaydel said whimsically.

Ben rolled his eyes as he blew on the hot steaming mug of herbal tea, to offset the caffeine from earlier. 

“Well I think both sides are understandable,” Leia affirmed. “That must’ve been hard for both of you. She needs her self-care, and to understand how attentive you really are, and you need to trust that she’s being honest with you.”

Han added, “It’s on her if she’s encouraged you to leave and then bites back later asking you why you left. Run away.”

Kaydel groaned. “That’s such garbage. I hate it when people do that.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like something she’d do.”

“Guess we’ll find out,” Han replied.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly that, I’m just saying, we’ll find out if you’re right about her or not.”

Ben glanced at his mother to ensure his father’s sincerity, and she just smiled pleasantly.

“Oh, and the best part," Kaydel added. "I think Ben and I met Rey the same night. I have no idea, though, I don’t know what she looks like.”

Han coughed a little. “So what, are you Eskimo brothers now?”

“Han - ” Leia reprimanded.

“Dad, you can’t use that term,” Kaydel explained firmly. “It’s derogatory slang about Alaskan Natives made up by white people to reinforce harmful stereotypes.”

Ben couldn't be prouder of his sister. This conversation had proved challenging in the past, but it appeared Han had done some work.

“Oh - ” Her father paused, his chest rattling with an intake of breath. He glanced at his wife. “Well, I’m sorry. I never thought about it that way. Thanks for schooling me like you always do, squirt.”

“Maybe don’t call me ‘squirt’ anymore, either.”

“What, is that offensive, too?” It wasn’t a defense, it was a genuinely concerned man seeking the truth.

“It’s a porn thing,” Leia added.

“Ma!” Kaydel exclaimed.

Ben choked on his tea. When his family turned to check and make sure he was still breathing, he gestured to the mug, “It’s really hot.”

An uncomfortable silence. 

“Really hot,” Kaydel agreed.

The siblings shared a discreet look of chaotic understanding.

“You’ve gotten better at responding when she corrects you, my love,” Leia acknowledged her husband.

“It’s true. I really appreciate that,” Kaydel agreed, placing a hand on her father’s.

"I'm impressed," Ben said.

“Well, your mother and I have never been prouder to have helped pay for your education.”

Kaydel replied, “That kind of education is free on the Internet, but school is great, too.”

“So just to be clear, is there a more appropriate term I can use?” Han asked.

“‘A guy who slept with the same girl I once did’ is always a knee-slapper,” Ben contributed, now sipping his tea gingerly. He and Han made sardonic eye contact, and he caught a glimpse of his father about to laugh. Something mythical and rare. "That's the more appropriate term."

Leia shot Ben a loving look from across the room. “Oh, I missed you, baby.”

He smiled and stewed in the peace of being home again. 

Kaydel elaborated. “I know it’s hard letting go of ‘funny’ slang, especially when the appropriate explanation actually manages to give the referenced feminine person in the situation some agency. Society just still isn’t used to that, yet.”

“That’s my fucking daughter!” Leia praised.

Ben was startled by her profanity. “Ma, Jesus!”

“ - is born today - ” Kaydel saved.

“Wash your mouth out, my son.”

Ben did the sign of the cross out of respect for his mother and he and Han sipped their drinks quietly.

“Who wants goulash?” Leia called. Kaydel and Ben’s hands shot up in the air.

Half an hour later, the four of them had finished eating, and Ben insisted on cleaning up. 

“Kid, I don’t know how you’re still awake,” Han marvelled.

“‘The day waits for no man, son,’” Ben repeated, imitating his father.

“I didn’t think either of you could understand me until you were eighteen, so you might remember some questionable things.”

“Everyone to bed, Santa Claus is on his way,” Leia warned from the bathroom.

“Is my stocking somewhere?” Kaydel called.

“Under the coffee table.”

It was a tradition in their family to celebrate St. Nicholas Day, the celebration of the more biblical version of the Santa Claus figure, someone who gave gifts through chimneys in the middle of the night, etcetera. Ben needed a refresher on the stories he’d been told growing up. Their parents had always left the option open, to believe in “Santa Claus” or not, and to _always_ ask questions. 

So they believed in both, all, and everything that came with the true celebration of Christmas. Except for the materialistic obsession with gift-overload. They were given two or three meaningful gifts each, plus a stocking earlier in December. 

Kaydel crashed, high on alcohol and chocolate and goulash, in her old loft that doubled as an attic, and Ben fished through his own stocking on his way to his bedroom down the hall. He’d already brushed his teeth, so he would save the snacking for tomorrow.

“Psst,” Leia called from his parents’ room.

He crept down to their doorway and nudged it further open. “Yeah?”

“Goodnight, my son. Welcome home.”

Han was already half-passed out, but Leia nudged him awake to say something nice.

“Good to have you back, kid.”

“Dad, are you good? You’ve got the far third of this bed. Mom’s not even actively using the other two.”

Leia just laughed, putting on her familiar-smelling hand cream. She gestured to see if Ben wanted some, and he politely declined. 

“Seriously, mom might be the reason you fall off and break your other elbow.”

Han’s eyes shut and he reassured him. “It’s okay, I know where to find her.”

Leia and Ben both laughed.

“I love you,” Ben told them both. “Thanks for having us.”

“We love you, baby. Get some sleep. We’ll do breakfast whenever you’re up.”

“We’ll be up. Goodnight,” he said, and shut the door behind him.

His own bedroom was quieter than it ever was, stripped of all posters but frozen in time with his picture frames and bulletin boards. He’d been _everything_ in this room. 

The bed was made with fresh sheets, the comforter one he’d favoured as a child, and he stripped down to his underwear before diving under the covers.

He checked his phone.

**REY:** Text me when you’ve arrived! 

He replied.

**BEN:** Home safe. :)

Although it was past two in the morning, those dots appeared again before the reassuring words.

**REY:** Good. I’m safe, too. <3 

  
  


His phone clicked off, but his smile wore on as he thanked God for getting them there, and rolled over into a heavy, dreamless sleep.


End file.
